My Opinion of Teen Pregnancy

Britney's little sister's pregnancy has sparked some debate that has really surprised me. Teen pregnancy is rampant in our culture, and I always just assumed people accepted it. The backlash from her pregnancy surprises me a lot.

Here is my perspective. I spent 8+ years volunteering and working in Pregnancy Resource Centers. I first volunteered in southern California. After we moved to where we live today, I was employed.

What did I do? Pregnancy Resource Centers (PRC) offers free pregnancy tests to anyone. Then, offers free information about their pregnancy with the idea of offering all options and a full description of all the options. Why? Because if a scared, pregnant woman goes into an abortion provider, that person typically does not get all the options and all the information. The provider is not legally required to give it. Did you know that abortion is the only surgical procedure where the doctor does not have to disclose the full risks of the procedure? There are risks, trust me. Women are injured and even die from messed up abortions. Even in this day and age. Whole other post as to why this doesn't make the news, but trust me, I know my facts on this one.

Anyway, that is where I worked. As an employee, I saw a lot of those young girls and women myself. For several years, I saw 60-70 girls a month. And you can imagine, I burned out in the end and then went on to work for the development department (fundraising) of our centers where I live now. It was the relief I needed and definitely still working for a cause I am passionate about. Then we had our own family, and I am quite passionate about them now.

Seeing these "clients" would raise the hair on anyone's head. We call them clients for the huge sake of anonymity. Their confidentiality, like most other medical offices, is utmost important. Of course I have seen a lot of teenagers who are pregnant. I have seen a handful of 40+ women who are pregnant. I have seen a ton of 20 something women who are pregnant. I have seen a gazillion negative tests. Most tests are negative, and that is a huge opportunity to talk to someone about abstinance. Not birth control. Why? Because I have also seen usually young teenagers or college students pregnant on every form of birth control out there--no joke. I have a whole other post I could share with you about sexually transmitted diseases (STD's) that usually will scare even older married couples into abstinance.

What happens when the test is positive with a teenager? Here is my bulleted opinion:

* If the client comes from a poor family, a lot of mine were, there is little support for the pregnancy. A lot of support for abortion, even against the clients wishes.

* If the client comes from a well off family, some of mine were, there is little support for the pregnancy because the client would then be throwing away her future. There is a lot of support for abortion, even against the client's wishes.

* If the client doesn't have an abortion, and keeps the baby, there is usually a little bit of support given to the baby for about a year from the client's family. Then it becomes harder. The expectations from the family is that the client needs to get on her feet and support her baby/toddler. Usually the father of the baby is long gone after the first year, and she is on public assistance. In my 8+ years, the scenario varies from this very little from person to person. I don't know how a teenager can do it any other way unless she is independently wealthy.

* Extra to the above point. The birthfather is either gone, and the state is going after him for welfare reimbursement. Or he is on the very fringe of her life so that they can have a relationship, yet still get public assistance. In other words, he can't support his child, and she tolerates it for the sake of the relationship. In my opinion, she is settling for a lot less than she deserves.

Personally, how do you know if a man is committed to a woman and her baby? He puts a ring on her finger. Period. He honors her by asking her to spend the rest of her life with him. That option is so far away from this crisis, it's sad. Ladies, that is how you separate the wheat from the chaff, and I say this from personal experience as well as 8 years in the counseling room at PRC.

* Add to the above scenario, she has the one year old toddler. She has a new man in her life or she has the toddler's father--and gets pregnant again. By now, her parents are exasperated, and she is really struggling. Abortion is definitely an option, but not always.

* Add ten years onto this woman's life now. She is in her mid to upper twenties, with two school aged children. She has probably had one abortion in her history, if not more. She has an mid level job, and is actually doing okay. Her kids are okay. The struggling years seem to have passed. She finds a man who seems to be "the one". She finds out she is pregnant, and he quickly hits the road, and obviously he isn't "the one". By now, she doesn't want to parent another child because the boat is barely on course now. She doesn't want to go through the emotional devastation (yes, it is devastating to know as a mother you have taken the life of your child) of another abortion. She very maturely considers adoption, and seeks it very earnestly. I have seen that scenario in my years at PRC, and both of my children's birthmothers fall into that scenario. Very rarely does a teenager place a baby for adoption.

* But it does happen. Mature teenagers who can catch a glimpse of the above scenario place their babies for adoption. I am thinking of one teenager I worked with. Her parents were vehemently against adoption, and I saw that a lot. The parent of the teenager tries to fix past wrongs by parenting their child's out-of-wedlock baby. It is usually a fiasco down the road when this child has to find an identity in an already messed up family. In dealing with the teenager I worked with in this scenario--I found myself saying more than once, "This kid has more maturity than her mother!" I have those same feeling regarding Jamie Lynn's parents.

* As an adoptive parent, what do I think? As a person who has parented small children, I think there is no teen out there at all prepared for what parenting small children is like. It is tough, in a committed marriage relationship. I can't imagine doing it all alone as a teenager. I know I am hearing a lot of "amens" float around as I type this. I don't know any adult parent who wouldn't agree. Babies are cute and fun. Babies also suck the life out of parents. Anyone who is in a first time teen pregnancy has not a clue! I didn't have a clue! I worked in this environment, and adopted our first child, and at times felt like asking for a prescription for something to make this all feel better. It is the hardest work I have ever had to do. More "amens".

Jamie Lynn bullet thoughts:

* No teen parent, even someone with the financial resources she has, is prepared to be a parent. I don't think she can do it. I think her 19 year old boyfriend needs to get smart quick. If he is smart, he will step up to the plate as the older of the two and start acting like a man. What does that mean? That means shooing away the paparazzi. That means keeping Jamie Lynn's parents advice to a minimum. That means keeping Britney away (the jury is literally still out as to whether she is a fit parent). In other words--protect his woman and get ready to be in a long term committed relationship with her and his baby. He needs to grow up now. I say this to all teen dads who are deer in headlights when the girlfriend is suddenly pregnant.

* Jamie Lynn should honestly consider adoption. I think I have made the reasons clear on that. She has a ton of financial resources that most birth parents don't have. But she has a very messed up family. She has the opportunity to provide that child with a family she never had. It will also afford her the future she has just begun to build with her career. She can continue to be on Nickelodeon's payroll. Nickelodeon has some hard decisions to make here as well. Do they support teen pregnancy? We'll see.

* Adoption. Jamie Lynn will have a hard time placing a child for adoption as long as the paparazzi is at her door. There are definitely confidentiality issues, privacy issues, etc. that come with adoption. The nosy paparazzi, who tends to find those things out, could really ruin an adoption. That is a crying shame. I am sure this paragraph has been discussed in that family.

* I think Britney and Jamie Lynn's parents need to sit down before the Lord and pray. I think they need to acknowledge a lot of misguided things that have caused both their daughters to have such trainwreck lives at such early ages. I know there are times I sit before the Lord and ask forgiveness for my parenting mistakes as well. I am not perfect. But in this case, we have two grown women (Jamie Lynn and Britney) and the lives of three young babies (Britney's and Jamie Lynn's) who are suffering badly. If I were the mom of this mess, I would be prostrate on the floor asking for forgiveness. The book deal would not even be an option ever again.

I feel so sorry for this scared 16 year old in all of this. I hope she gets her head on straight, quits listening to bad advice, and finds a solution. I hope her boyfriend becomes part of the solution and not more of the problem. I pray this baby has a balanced, well adjusted, future. I think we all need to pray that way for all teen pregnancies.

Let me know if you want me to post future posts on such topics as these 1) the cost of fatherless children to our culture 2) STD's 3) Abortion statistics. I avoided those only because this post would be beyond huge if I did. But I am happy to cut them up into bite sized pieces.

What do I think of Jamie Lynn knowing what I know and what I have shared?

I am pro life. Period. I support teenagers when they find themselves pregnant. If I don't support teen pregnancy, I am then supporting teen abortions, and I truly think that is much worse. Two lives are forever shattered.

Because teen pregnancy is not something any of us strive for--I support abstinence outside of marriage big time. Not birth control, but abstinence.

If a teen finds themselves pregnant, I support the pregnancy. I support Jamie Lynn for having the courage to keep her pregnancy, not have a secret abortion, and to take loads of flack she has received. Pretty tough girl to take that. I also support life change, maturity, not taking the road most traveled, not settling for status quo, etc. when a teenager is pregnant. I support a teenager at least considering adoption, so many times they don't when they should. I support Jamie Lynn for the courage she has shown thus far.

I will close with a quote from Lisa Whelchel. She was a teen star back in the 80's, has two teenage daughters, and has authored 12 Christian family books. She has an opinion I respect.

"I'm so proud of Jamie Lynn for stepping up and being courageous and taking responsibility for her choices, and I believe she's being a good role model – a good role model in that situation, to choose to have the baby (not abort), and I am supportive of her in that situation," said Whelchel.