A State of Affairs

Some of my long time blog followers will remember that I have talked about a friend of mine who was diagnosed bipolar a little over a year ago. There was one day when she called me ready to commit suicide. I got her to her counselor who then diagnosed her pretty much over the phone. In the last year, my friend has gone to the emergency room countless times with feelings of being out of control, suicidal, helplessness, extreme anxiety, etc. Not much effective help has come from that at all. In fact, several times she was told to not go because they couldn't help her. She asked for a specific type of therapy she knew she needed and was told "You're not bad enough, there are several people ahead of you more urgent."

Well, much has changed, and I got an update a few days ago. It all came to a head about six weeks ago. Not only was she suicidal again, but attempted it, and was in the ICU for eight days on life support. Why did she do it? Not for the reasons you might think. Given the logic she was told countless times, she attempted suicide to get the help she needed. "I was tired of hurting so much, and if it took a suicide attempt to get the help (she knows this was twisted thinking) I did it. It was the only option given to me by mental health doctors." Shocked me to death to have her standing in front of me yesterday telling me everything and completely healthy, physically.

She also thought it would be a stomach pumping and it would be over. Hollywood does it again. People come into NBC's Thursday night "ER" and get their stomach pumped, right? No. She almost died. Period. My friend actually was joking with the paramedic about whether she would be conscious by the time they reached the ER, and she barely won the bet. She remembers seeing the doors open and the overhead lights. I think that was a very smart paramedic.

For sure, without God, she would not be with us today. Her attempt was pretty serious, and had not a few things been done correctly, she would have succeeded.

Here is what we know. She actually isn't bipolar. BUT--because she was put on antidepressants years and years ago, she exhibited bipolar symptoms. She was never suicidal until she was on antidepressants. Sound familiar? One of the biggest concerns about antidepressants, especially in teens (she was a teen [18] when first given antidepressants) is that is can cause severe suicidal thoughts. As she got older, that was what the professionals kept doing, messing with her antidepressants.

I have always said all along, I think her problem is her childhood. Her childhood has been marked by nothing but abuse. When she was in college, it was her testimony in court that put her abuser in prison. For that alone, I give her a medal for bravery. I have always believed she needs to sit down and sort out her childhood. She has a lot of loss, anger, grief, resentment, etc. that is unresolved. But who am I?

Well, turns out this suicide attempt gave the professionals a wake up call. She is not bipolar. She is PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). What does that mean? It means lots of really misplaced anxiety because of past trauma. Because of past stuff (soldiers who have seen war have this as well) your mind can't handle, it disassociates. It goes somewhere else to handle the trauma of here and now. Problem is, once the trauma is gone, your mind is still back there. When a current trauma comes, like the rent is due now (it can be simple), or a friend betrays you, or a boss yells at you, your mind copes with that by using the past disassociative mechanism. Also, anything little begins to stress you out because you become afraid of the anxiety attacks that also come with being disassociative. And yet, you don't know where it comes from. It's quite stressful.

Very different than an organic brain disorder, like bipolar. So my friend is finally in a therapy that will reteach her how to deal with anxiety in the here and now. Once she is strong, her next step in therapy is to dig back to the past, pull it out, lay it on the table, take it apart, lay it before God, get angry, sad and mad, and deal with it. She will also have the opportunity to do for herself what no one else has done, nurture that little girl who had no one to nurture her. She will bring the past to the present, and reassociate what has been disassociated.

I have been through a simpler version of this kind of therapy, and I am a huge advocate for it. It deals with the root issue, instead throwing meds at it. You can see the tragic results when things are misdiagnosed.

You also know that I have a friend who is definitely diagnosed bipolar. So, I give you the above story not to scare anyone, not to say one thing is better than the other, etc. But if we talked to my bipolar friend, I think we might find her with a few frustrations at mental health care that is offered to the average Joe. It is frightening to me how once my suicidal friend got into the mental health system, she just became a number.

Where are we now? She is very encouraged that she has a plan for recovery from PTSD, and won't be white-knuckling it anymore after several years of pretty much feeling the need to die. I see a huge difference in her, and I thought she was bipolar! Why? Because the meds she was on exhibited that! It's interesting to see her now, calm, hopeful, purposeful, setting goals, etc.

I know this a honeymoon stage for her right now of having a brush with death, the really hard work of dealing with her past will kick her down again soon enough. She has had a crappy 6 years, it has been nice to see her happy. She deserves it, and I will be there for her when the crappy work begins. Lord bless her!