The Girlfriend Network

I love the Girlfriends.

I first got my the idea of the Girlfriends when I read the book, "The Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy and Childbirth." I was in my early 20's back then getting geared up for pregnancy and childbirth. Needless to say, since adopting my kids, that book has no relevance to me. However, I truly enjoyed the humor. I recommend it for that. She was the first person to point out that if you place your face over the dishwasher right after running it, you have saved yourself a $100 facial.

I also liked the idea of the Girlfriend network. The premise is that she isn't a doctor, nor are her friends, but the Girlfriend network collectively has great, practical advice. By the way, does anyone notice that when Rachel is pregnant, she reads that book often?? ("Friends" reference there....)

While my husband had his nose to the grindstone with his master's degree, I developed my girlfriend network. I love it! I think we all need to encourage women in their post-high school days to develop a girlfriend network.

Some criteria:
No bad habits. Bad habits taint the Girlfriend network. It tends to spread. If one of the Girlfriends has a bad habit, have you noticed that all of them do?? Don't join that Girlfriend network.

Good taste in men. Must have a mature approach to men and how to date and marry them. The Girlfriend network relies heavily on this point. Most of us have married good men because the Girlfriends let us know they were good men. Not because we had an ounce of logical thinking since we were so twitterpated with them at the time. You need the reasonable thinking of the Girlfriends especially during mate choosing season. Unfortunately, many women haven't developed their network during this time. I lucked out and still got a good man. But we have all seen the consequences when a Girlfriend left on her own chooses for herself.

Must have a moral ground. My Girlfriend network is comprised of Christian women. I have lots of non-Christian Girlfriends, no doubt. I also listen to their advice, especially if they have lots of the other criteria. But my core Girlfriends, the inner circle, are Christians. Why? We share that common bond. If you worship something else, have moral ground on something else, make sure your core Girlfriend network does too. Make sure you have a moral ground of some kind, obviously I recommend Christianity.

Respect for the older Girlfriends. Yes, America has really lost this focus. Many cultures hold their elders in incredibly high regard because they are a fount of wisdom. It works! If we respect and listen to our older members, you will find they are a wealth of information and help. This sometimes doesn't always work with baby care. Sometimes 30 year old baby advice can seem strange. "You bet! We rubbed a little bit of cognac on the baby's gums to help with teething. Works like a charm!" Yes, I have been given that advice before, and I didn't follow it. But especially with men and relationships, the older Girlfriends are amazing women.

We watch out for each other, especially in college. Safety! Big time. I have one memory in college in particular where I sat by a toilet with a good friend while she threw up everything she had ever eaten or drank in her life. She was trying to get into a sorority and it was an initiation thing. I was incredibly worried about her safety because I knew she would be going somewhere strange, get drunk and have no one to watch her back. She was worried too, but wanted so badly to get into this thing. Anyway, I had someone bring her back to the dorm. He carried her over her shoulder like a sack of potatoes and I took it from there. Well, from the cold tiled floor of Nichols Dorm, third floor, west, University of Colorado 1987--all night long. We Girlfriends do that for each other--especially in college!

Be willing to give/take the tough advice. I have been given tough advice, and I was told some just lately. Hard to take, but I needed to hear it. That is the power of the Girlfriend network. The easy advice and helpful hints is fun--but the tough stuff is where we shine. We need to be able to hear it, and give it when necessary.

I was with a bunch of Girlfriends lately, and one gal has one of those husbands that does not help with the kids. It's like a cookie cutter. I can stereotype these guys right away, and the stereotype works! They pressure the wife to have the kids, she is reluctant, she gives in, and husband won't even change a diaper. Where it really grinds is when the Girlfriend wants an evening with her friends, and these exact words (no joke!) come out of his mouth, "Why do I get stuck babysitting?!"

Here was my tough Girlfriend advice to her, "Two things--it isn't babysitting. It's parenting. Second, it shouldn't be considered a chore to spend time with his own kids." I got a few amens for that.

Parenting. Since we become kind of like minded, we now have a network of parents. It's the "it takes a village" concept. I think there is wisdom in that, but Hillary Clinton is not in my network. Girlfriends don't accept adultery from their men. Sorry Hillary! But I digress....

We are great for parenting, hand me downs, play groups, car pools, church functions, potlucks, etc. While our kids are little, the Girlfriend network saves our sanity. So if your Girlfriend network doesn't have kids in it yet, hang in there, they will be coming soon. If you find yourself struggling with little kids, you need to hurry up and get your Girlfriend network together. Look at a playgroup at church, birthing class buddies, etc. This is when we as individuals are fragile and need each other's help. (FG in Southern California, I am talking to you!)

Note--sometimes Girlfriend networks go through a rocky time when the first Girlfriend has a baby. Babies rock our world at home and it can rock the Girlfriend network too. Hang in there! These are you lifetime friends! Don't let hormones and crying babies break up the network.

Men. We are a united front against the bad men. Not all men are bad, and I am not a feminist. I like men, and I like men a lot. But to add to what I started with the whole Hillary thing. We don't accept chronic, long term, destructive, treatment of the Girlfriends. Men, be warned. The Girlfriend network will not help you when that happens. As a Christian, that can be abuse, infidelity, pornography, etc. I am not talking about divorce, and that gets theological with my Girlfriends. I am talking practical. The Girlfriends will provide help and comfort and resources to Girlfriends needing a break from a man--especially if children are involved. Don't mess with the Girlfriends if you have cheated on one of them and she has birthed your babies.

I can't think of anymore right at this moment. But I am sure my Girlfriends who read this blog occasionally will start commenting. Please do! I think this could be fun.