Yes, that question has come up a lot for me lately, because it was two weeks ago. I have some very specific reasons why I didn't go after planning on attending for about a year. I will give you my reasons, also realizing that the people who affected my decision are probably reading this blog.
1) I have a family member that stalks me. I know that sounds absolutely preposterous and paranoid, but it's true. In one of my moments of fully wearing my sin nature, I ranted mercilessly about this on my profile on reunion.com.
That person knew full well where and when my reunion was going to be. I also fully expected that person to show up and make a scene. That is what this person is really really good at. That in and of itself, I can handle. What I couldn't handle is knowing that everyone else's reunion that they planned for, paid for, had high hopes for, would be utterly marred by this person.
1) I have a family member that stalks me. I know that sounds absolutely preposterous and paranoid, but it's true. In one of my moments of fully wearing my sin nature, I ranted mercilessly about this on my profile on reunion.com.
That person knew full well where and when my reunion was going to be. I also fully expected that person to show up and make a scene. That is what this person is really really good at. That in and of itself, I can handle. What I couldn't handle is knowing that everyone else's reunion that they planned for, paid for, had high hopes for, would be utterly marred by this person.
Honestly, we are talking about accidentally on purpose spilling wine on someone. Being loud. Making sure it was said loudly that I haven't let this person have access to my kids. Said loudly what my most embarrassing thing I did in high school was. Grabbing the karaoke mic....it could go on and on.
2) I dated the same person almost all the way through high school. I have nothing but the utmost respect and admiration for this person, always have and always will. I always knew this person would make a name for himself on this planet and he has. I have the fondest memories from high school because of him--otherwise it would have just been memories of all the awkward things we remember about high school. I don't want those memories to ever go away. They have been a bit stained by all of this, but I will hang onto the memories.
That person contacted me last January. After a little flurry of strange emails one of his final statements was something like "hope we can all act nicely at the reunion." I sat back in my chair and went "what?!" Honestly, my initial feelings were, "I am a 38 year old woman, and you're insinuating that I can't act like a big girl?" Keep in mind, my initial words to him were a peace offering. I was hurt and upset. I would never have dreamed of making one of my first contacts in twenty years with this person to be one of making sure we can all be grownups. I assume we can.
Wisdom prevailed. I put aside my defensiveness and realized I was too emotionally involved. I asked the girlfriends. I asked five of my best friends who will give me their God's honest truth answers. They are also strong Christian women who walk in wisdom, and I needed their wisdom. I read them the emails and tried to explain the basics without bias. They got a lot more information regarding the emails than I am giving here. Here was the vote:
"How odd."
"That's awkward."
"Ouch!"
"What?"
"I wouldn't go. How stressful would that be?"
So what I concluded was this. As much as I am afraid of my stalker showing up and making a scene--my worst nightmare has come true. Someone has that same fear about me. That I would show up at an event and make a scene. Honestly, everyone, that realization made me cry quite a bit.
That person contacted me last January. After a little flurry of strange emails one of his final statements was something like "hope we can all act nicely at the reunion." I sat back in my chair and went "what?!" Honestly, my initial feelings were, "I am a 38 year old woman, and you're insinuating that I can't act like a big girl?" Keep in mind, my initial words to him were a peace offering. I was hurt and upset. I would never have dreamed of making one of my first contacts in twenty years with this person to be one of making sure we can all be grownups. I assume we can.
Wisdom prevailed. I put aside my defensiveness and realized I was too emotionally involved. I asked the girlfriends. I asked five of my best friends who will give me their God's honest truth answers. They are also strong Christian women who walk in wisdom, and I needed their wisdom. I read them the emails and tried to explain the basics without bias. They got a lot more information regarding the emails than I am giving here. Here was the vote:
"How odd."
"That's awkward."
"Ouch!"
"What?"
"I wouldn't go. How stressful would that be?"
So what I concluded was this. As much as I am afraid of my stalker showing up and making a scene--my worst nightmare has come true. Someone has that same fear about me. That I would show up at an event and make a scene. Honestly, everyone, that realization made me cry quite a bit.
Anyone who knows how much I have worked at being a balanced person working to recover from scars left on me by my family, knows that realization was a set back. That is saying it nicely.
That is reason number two.
3) I talked to my husband who very much wanted me to go. I laid out number one and number two. I also pointed out that between airfare, hotel, car rental and reunion cost it would be about $1,000 to go and sit on my behind chewing my nails making sure I didn't "do" something that would upset the former boyfriend and just waiting for my stalker to walk in the room making a loud scene. While chewing those nails, I could mingle with the five people I really did want to see. His answer, "That's a lot of stress. Maybe you shouldn't go."
Nail in the coffin.
"Therefore, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things." Phillippians 4:8
This reunion was not bringing out true, pure, and lovely qualities in me. It was bringing about a lot of concern, worry, doubt, and fear. I am sorry to those of you I really wanted to see, and you know who you are, I had to pass this time. Maybe things will be different at the next one.
7 comments:
Too bad it had to be that way, but it sounds like you made a good decision. I went to mine and it was okay. Not that great. It was loud and awkward and I felt like an idiot a good bit of the time. I don't know that I got a lot out of going.
I think I did make the best decision although emotionally, I think I wanted to go have a magical, wonderful stroll down memory lane. I think those expectations were a bit out of whack. You're not the only person I have heard say that it didn't do much for them. A lot of money for nothing except a lot of stress. Thanks for your vote as well (=
Why I didn't go to my 20th high school reunion a few weeks ago - because I was a freaking mental patient in high school and to be completely honest I'm totally embarressed about it! I just want to forget that whole period of my life.
Amen sister!
PS. Although my original plan was to combine the reunion with my trip to Houston. I just went to Houstong and spent four days with a undiagnosed mental woman in a hotel room. I think I would have rather bagged that and spent the week with you, KB! Forget reunions and sharing hotels!
Hi,
I found you through Tracy. I didn't go to any of my reunions either. Sure there were a few folks I was curious about but most of the kids I hung out with weren't in my class. I think you made a good decision. Sometimes being around certain people brings out things in us that don't reflect who we want to be. Your comment on that Bible verse was perfect.
Thank you, Kim! You hit the nail on the head. More than once through all my sorting out I had the feeling of "I am just not like this. This is not me, and I don't like this at all. I am going places in my mind and feeling things that just are not me." That Bible verse is always my litmus test for things, and the reunion didn't pass. Thank you so much! I appreciate it!
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