Old age....

Picture this...

I drive up to a drive-thru coffee stand. I am in full mom mode. Small child in the back strapped in his car seat. I am in sweats with my hair tied up in a pencil. No makeup to cover up the sleep deprivation shown in the dark skin under my eyes.

Two young bucks, maybe 20 years old at the window. Young Buck #1 right by the window to take my money. Young Buck #2 behind him about five feet operating some machine.

As I pull up the sign in the window says, "Extra stamps on your card if you can answer this question: What make of car was the "General Lee" in the infamous TV show "The Dukes of Hazzard?" By the way, this happened before the movie with Jessica Simpson came out. There hadn't been the revival of this trivia yet. You had to have watched the show twenty years ago to know this.

I hand Young Buck #1 my payment and my stamp card. I squeeze my forehead saying "I know this....I know this....." He is waiting with his stamp to see if I can cough up the answer. The internal Rolodex in my head is in need of coffee at this point, and it is taking it's time to find the answer.

Meanwhile, Young Buck #2 is at his machine saying, "Oh, she doesn't know it. Are you kidding?" Ummmm......he's heckling me. I honestly can't believe that he is doing that, but it has the needed affect. It flipped the internal Rolodex faster.

I perk my head up and I say, "Dodge Charger." No hesitation.

Old age, exhaustion and treachery win again!

I tell Young Buck #1 to hand the stamper to Young Buck #2.

The verdict is in....

You remember my post a few weeks ago (10/1) about my young friend, Keith, killed in a fiery car accident. I mentioned also that Keith had struggled with alcohol and drug addiction for most of his life.

The verdict is in. All the men in the accident had alcohol in their bloodstream. Keith's was over the legal limit and so was Nolan's. It appears Keith was driving. Here is the link for the quick update on that. If you watch this video, Keith is the one with the huge grin and sunglasses. Nolan is the one with the chain link looking necklace.

I also talked to my friend, B, who's husband employed Keith and Nolan. She voiced to me a few weeks ago her concern about where Keith's mother would decide to bury him. I asked about that now that things are settling down. Her words to me were, "It was such a fiery crash, there wasn't much left to bury."

Why do I mention this absolutely sad, tragic, senseless, hopeless thing? Because I think we all need a stark reminder of drinking and driving tragedies.

I was talking with a friend last night who is taking a class on alcoholism, etc. I told her my personal policy is that if I take a drink, I won't drive for four hours after that. Seems harsh? She said her instructor said that is what we should all do because all of us can be impaired by a single drink.

I know, Keith was an addict. Most of us are not in that category. But whether we are binge drinkers like him or an occasional drinker like myself--it's all the same result when we can't maneuver the corner.

Why is Greg Boyd an important person in my life....

You may have noticed I have a link to a rockin' drummer dude under "blogs I read". If you click on that, you will get a huge myspace page all about Greg Boyd and what a cool drummer he is.

How did this homemaking, candle peddling mom get connected with this dude?

Greg and I went to high school together. He was one year ahead of me. So when I came in as a fresh faced sophomore, he seemed so much older to me. Greg was also one of the few African American (AA) at my school. He was so COOL! Not in an AA, false macho, hangin' pants, sort of way. He carried himself like Denzel Washington cool. Confident, going places, has goals and talents.

One talent I got to see first hand--his drumming. We had a rockin' drum line in high school and he was part of it. I was a member of the marching band with Greg and we went around and competed in marching band and drum line competitions. See the movie "Drum Line". It's definitely got the Hollywood spin on it, but that is what it was like.

Greg can drum. Oh my word, he can drum. I have one very clear memory in my head of him just dazzling all of us. One day after band practice, he tipped over the timpany. That is the big copper bottom drum used in orchestras to crescendo a big dramatic scene usually. He is doing Caribbean pan drumming on the bottom of the timpany, and it sounded so cool. Plus, it was so creative what he was doing. He absolutely dazzled the rest of us white bred kids who only read music--we didn't create it. I got a glimpse of his future in that moment.

If you check out his myspace page, you can see he has gone on to huge success in Europe after busting his chops in New Orleans jazz clubs making a name for himself. He also has been an innovator. Creating a new style of jazz plus Caribbean pan drums.

He and I had exchanged emails last year after he did a search for me. Here is a long series of emails he and I had last year. Greg's presence in my life 20+ years ago still has an impact on me today.

October 28, 2006

Greg Boyd!

Hello! This is AM, MC's little sister. Played clarinet in band, I was a sophomore when you were a junior. Is this helping? We just knew each other pretty much through band.

I just got your email from classmates.com. I saw a few months ago you sent me a little thing saying you had visited my profile to say “hi”.

I have wondered whatever happened to you, and when I saw your visit, I googled you, and check you out! You took the drumming thing pretty seriously! It gave me chills to see what you have accomplished. Congratulations to you!

You have no idea…but some pretty big life choices were made in my life in high school because of you, even though I know we barely knew each other. So it is SO cool to hear from you. Please let me know how you are doing, and what in the world is Denmark like!

AM

_________________________________________________________________________________________

Now that is amazing!!! Because, I had no idea who you were at first but now I do. Wow what were some of these life choices I would love to hear. That makes me feel so good that you say that. How is MC!!!

Gregory

P.S. Do you have a picture of that time??

_______________________________________________________________

I knew you would ask me to tell you. It’s a bit of a long story and will seem quite shallow. Just remember, I was a young and unwise teenager. Long story….get ready…..I have thought about this a lot!

You may not remember this….but when I came to WHS as a fresh faced sophomore and started band, MC came around a few times, and you whispered in his ear that you thought I was cute. Well, of course, he told me that. And of course, I was thrilled! Greg Boyd likes me! I remember we flirted a bit through the rest of band that year and the next year, but that is all that happened. Now how that panned out in my family was different.

I was so excited that you thought I was cute, I told my mother. Big mistake. I was just bubbling over about this. She just looked at me with the most serious of faces (I remember this like it was yesterday) “AM, don’t do it.” I said, “What?” She said, “Don’t date him. You have no idea the pain you will cause yourself.” I just looked at her like she grew a tail. I had no idea what she was referring to at first. Then I walked away from that and thought a long time about it. Of course she meant that it was because you are African American, of course she thought I was going to marry you or something. I don’t know but it infuriated me. Lots of other things regarding race have come out since then…..but this was the first glimpse of her racism to me, so it shocked me.

... that day I remember making this huge decision (this seems trivial now but for little white girl who hadn’t been exposed to hardly anyone of color—this was huge for me)—race doesn’t matter at all for anything. And I HOPED you asked me out so I could push that envelope with her. You never did, so we avoided that tornado.

But why is that important for me today? Well, several years back I watched a very very good friend of mine go through a very painful thing. He is biracial and a very put together person, and very musical. You remind me of each other actually. He was dating a white gal, and her family absolutely put the stamp of “no” on them getting married because of his color. My word the man has his life put together—I’d marry him if I weren’t married at the time. He was a great guy, with lots of potential and a future. But he couldn’t change that about himself.

Step forward a few more years. My husband and I find ourselves not able to have kids. Long story short, we start working towards adopting kids. We are asked several times if race is important—and honestly each time, your face pops into my head. No, it’s not at all—because I made that decision long ago, and it’s a done deal. My husband is absolutely on the same page as me. In 2001, we adopted our first son, who is fully African American. And last year, we adopted our second son, who is too. Each time I am asked the rude question “Why did you adopt these kids?” your face comes to mind. When I see my older son who asks me all the time, and did just now while I was typing this, “Can I play my drums, Mom?” Your face comes to mind. If I hadn’t made that stand with my mother, as shallow as it seems now, I may have had to struggle with my decision to have my kids, and I would have missed out on the best kids God had intended for my family. Thank you, Greg Boyd, for thinking I was cute!!

Okay to answer your other questions….oh let's just cut out that long paragraph of me giving Greg an update on my dysfunctional family.....

Anyway, I need some morning coffee and need to get my day off the ground. I work from home, so definitely feel free to email anytime. How is Denmark?? Do you have a family?? Tell me about you!!

AM

____________________________________________________________________________________

Wow all of that is so funny because you are right I did not think of asking you out but I must say I wanted to at the time. In fact I think it is in my diary somewhere that I wanted to. Parents can be funny.. Mine divorced some years back as well. It was not as traumatic as I thought it would end up being in that I was an adult at the time. Now things are different I have a family of my own my wife is Danish and we met while I was living in New Orleans. We just had a son his name is G and my wife's name is Lone. So many things are movin' along over here as well. There is not much time that goes by when I do not think of my life there in Colorado. Are you still living there? I think about it from time to time and remember how it was. I grew so much at the time. To be honest I had such a bad feeling about some the events that happened while in band but stayed wild about my music. So I decided to join the US Navy and try to go into the Navy Band., I succeded and moved to New Orleans eventually and leaving the military I started touring with several bands and really making a name for myself. I am still playing music and doing well here in Europe with it all and I have GOD to thank for that as well. Do know anything about MK?? I wonder what happened to her from time to time. I think she was my nemesis during that time:) Your kids look great!!! I feel so in awe that you are saying all of this because I had no idea that you had felt that way at the time. I was so busy trying to make something of myself that at times there was no time to dig deeper into things. Do you know anyone from that time at all. What kind of work from home do you do?

Gregory Boyd

_______________________________________________________________________________________

Greg and I also email/discuss how he was denied the drum major position to the girl, MK, his junior year because our band teacher was racist. He tells me how he really struggled with being angry. His parents were key figures in helping to deflect that. I took that to heart. One thing this world needs less of, angry AA men. I can't find the email on that, but it was powerful. I am so glad my words were words of encouragement.

I can also say, the best revenge is success. I am completely in awe of him now, what he has done with his music, his success, his family. I wholeheartedly recommend his music. I bought his CD last year and listen to it often at my computer.

God bless you, Greg Boyd!

The second one learns from the first....

I hear it all the time. The second child learns a lot just by watching the first. JM couldn't identify his number and letters until one year of three year old preschool was complete. He is absolutely doing fine in school. He reads well and is on target for a typical six year old.

Then we have BH. He's a rocket scientist!


Sorry. Could get it to flip right in my photo software, but blogger flipped it back. It's not too bad.

Blast from the past

That picture is of JM at one year!

I was cleaning out my Word folder of old documents. I don't throw away much, especially adoption stuff. They become memories and I found a doozy today. I am copy/pasting the letter we sent to friends and family a few months after receiving JM into our family. This seems like a lifetime ago, and it was the spring of 2001.

Enjoy! I sure did rereading it.

Greetings friends! June 2001

We hope that most of you received our adoption announcements that were sent out around the beginning of April. We say “hope” because some things weren’t fully organized and done quickly rather than thoroughly during the last three months. Many of you have asked for the full details of our adoption experience. We have the opportunity to stop and catch our breath and give you the full story, and here it is in a time-line:

Tuesday, March 6^th, 2001—At a hospital somewhere in Houston, a baby boy is born. His birth mother chooses to place him for adoption and relinquishment papers are signed. This baby is then placed in a foster home while a family is found.

Thursday, March 22, 2001—AM is at work. She is having a conversation with a friend/co-worker, Lisa. Lisa, asks the common question “What is going on with adoption?” AM “We are waiting for THE phone call. I can’t wait to be at home. I can’t believe I am so busy. I am looking forward to having a baby so I can relax!” Ha ha ha….The conversation ends. AM heads back to her office. The receptionist flags her down and says that Deborah is on the phone.

Deborah is the director of our adoption agency. She is not our caseworker, so AM assumed it was a paperwork issue—nothing else. Deborah asks “Are you in a private office?” No. “Put me on hold and get to one.” Okay, so AM’s blood pressure begins to rise. Deborah reveals specific information about the baby born on 3/6, and would we be interested? AM says yes. Deborah then puts AM on hold and initiates a three-way call to Texas. While on hold, Lisa passes by. “Pssttt!! Lisa!!” Lisa pops her head in with a quizzical look on her face. “This is THE call!” Lisa has the look on her face like a marble hit her forehead. She tells all the office about this call. The call is completed with Texas and AM has full information regarding the specifics of this little boy. All they need is a “yes” from the us and this baby is ours. Time was crucial—other couples had also been informed about him, so it was a race as to who would say “yes” first.

AM hangs up, and rushes to her office to call ML—who is in class. She hangs up and decides to wait a few minutes before rushing to pull him out of class. When she hangs up, all female co-workers are standing at AM’s desk positively beaming. She blurts out pertinent details and makes it clear, this isn’t a done deal. AM reaches ML, they confer that this is the child. AM calls back Deborah. Deborah calls Houston. Deborah calls AM and greets her with “Hello Mom”. It’s a done deal. AM’s knees literally buckled. They buckled a few more times that day.

Friday, March 23^rd, 2001—An interstate compact is initiated on our behalf so that upon arrival in Texas in a few days, this little boy can cross state lines. We are given the privilege of naming him and JM is the name chosen.

Monday, March 26^th, 2001—AM’s co-workers put on a baby shower, and AM is blessed that she is being showered for an upcoming baby. All the years of trying to have kids, and finally getting to this point was overwhelming.

Wednesday, March 28^th—We attempt to leave home using standby passes. We don’t anticipate that it is spring break for Oregon colleges, and flights are full. We also don’t anticipate that a flight will be canceled due to mechanical difficulties. We are bumped from three flights that day, and return home utterly frustrated. Friends and family expected to get phone calls from us sitting in our hotel room in Texas, not our own living room. We board a flight that night at 11 p.m. and do a red-eye flight to Chicago, then a very early flight to Houston. There was a Starbucks in the lobby of Chicago. Yahoo!

Thursday, March 29^th, 2001—We arrive in Houston, TX at about 10 a.m. after being awake for about 28 hours. We rent a car and drive to the adoption agency. They call the foster home where JM is being cared for. He is on his way. We fill out paperwork and chat. JM is placed in our arms around 11:30 a.m. We simply walk out the door and go to Chili’s for lunch. We are amazed at how simple the whole process took. If you look at your calendar, it was only one week before today when AM received THE call. After lunch, we go to a hotel room and crash, all three of us. When we get our wits about us, we begin to enjoy our son. We are amazed. Very little sleep is had by anyone that night.

Friday, March 30^th, 2001—We realize that flying into Portland, OR will be just as difficult as flying out was. We decide to fly into Seattle, WA and rent a car to drive several hours home. We wake up at the crack of dawn to catch a flight to San Francisco, CA, then onto Seattle, WA. We arrive in Seattle,WA around 1 p.m. and head home. We arrive home around 6 p.m. The pictures that were taken of us that evening definitely show that we had little sleep in the past 72 hours.

Saturday, March 31^st, 2001—ML’s parents and his sister drive from their hometown to meet the new family member. We tumble out of bed and hand JM to them while we put ourselves together. It’s that silly sleeping thing!! All of us thoroughly enjoy a day of just getting to know JM.

April 5^th, 2001—JM has his first doctor’s appointment and he weighs 10 pounds 12 ounces. His doctor falls in love with him and offers to babysit if we need a babysitter. How many of your doctors have volunteered to babysit for you??

The timeline could go on and on. There are all the “firsts”. The first Easter, the first Mother’s Day, the first time eating rice cereal, the first time to the park, the first giggle, etc. We won’t take up two more pages with that list.

We do want to tell you some specific prayer requests as we complete our adoption of baby JM:

Issues regarding JM’s birthfather are not resolved. Please pray that as those issues would be resolved. As we write this, things are looking good.

Please pray for our finances. As much as we have planned and planned for this event. Things are tight.

We are committed to AM being at home with JM. She will work part-time through the summer, then step down from her position—but will return to volunteer status.

Pray that paperwork with this adoption would go through smoothly. We want this adoption to go through by the end of this year, from the standpoint of paperwork.

How do we close such a letter? Not sure. We are truly, truly enjoying our new roles as parents and each smile from JM is a gift from God. Our hope is that as we enjoy our new family member this spring, that God is richly blessing your family.

Lovingly, ML, AM and JM

Update--Melissa Flores

Here is an update one the Melissa Flores post I did on October 16, 2007. Citizens of Texas are responding and it looks like she will get a respectful grave marker. Click here for the details.

I also think Tracy was right on. It seems that a scholarship fund is being set up for a younger sibling. What I think would be great is if her younger sibling got a family! Forget foster care!

Granted foster care is a stop gap measure to get kids out of a bad situation, I fully understand that. I have talked to foster families. When a child is brought to them, many times in the middle of the night, the consensus is "were these children raised by wolves?". Why? Because they are filthy, have no clothes, yucky teeth, hungry, dirty diapers, lice, moldy milk in the diaper bag if there is a diaper bag, etc. Foster care families are fabulous for cleaning up that mess and beginning the process of learning how to sit down and eat a meal, learning to brush teeth, bathroom cleanliness (ie washing hands, wiping, etc), going to school, learning social skills and not survival skills, etc. They are angels.

There is something to be said for a home, to take on a family name, to call people you live with by their familial titles (ie Dad, Mom, Grandma, Grandpa, etc.). There is something to be said for that family, not just the dad and the mom, to fully accept and embrace a child into their family. Foster families didn't sign up for that. They signed up for the temporary care and they do it well, most of the time. I know, we all hear in the news about the lousy ones. My answer, as always, there is a lemon in every crowd that gives the rest a bad name. They also seem to make the news. I am talking about all the others who are doing a great job and get no attention for it whatsoever. Those you never hear about. Give them a jewel in their crown when they reach heaven.

My prayer is that Melissa's sibling get that permanent family. Foster families prepare adoptable kids for the permanent family life. I pray that permanent family for Melissa's remaining sibling.

I had a hunch...

I am a Dr. Laura listener. She is an AM talk radio personality that gives advice. She is a lot like Dr. Phil, but a little more direct. I have listened to her for years. Sometimes I have to stop because I can find myself suddenly being too direct in my daily life, and that isn't good. I am already direct enough.

A few years ago, she made a one sentence observation that has stuck with me for awhile. She said, "I am noticing more and more news headlines these days about teachers having inappropriate sexual relationships with students." It takes a bit to alarm her, but she indicated that where there is smoke there is fire. She is also a big advocate for keeping your kids out of public schools, whether it be home school them or private schools.

Now that being said, in my state, we had a headline this week saying how public school teachers are well qualified to teach. I have to say I agree. I know what qualifications are needed to teach in my state. I don't want the point I am about to make to be taken personal by those teachers who bust their gut every day at school. I think the institution as a whole needs a huge overhaul with a huge focus on back to basics.

Okay, where am I going with this. I caught this headline today about how sexual misconduct plagues schools. Click here. AP did some pretty huge research on this. I am impressed with the research shown in the article. I am also impressed that a normally liberal AP took the conservative approach. Most liberal media tend to defend public schools to the nth degree.

Now, step back. Did you read it and have chills up your spine?

This quote from the article should do it. "From my own experience — this could get me in trouble — I think every single school district in the nation has at least one perpetrator. At least one," says Mary Jo McGrath, a California lawyer who has spent 30 years investigating abuse and misconduct in schools. "It doesn't matter if it's urban or rural or suburban."

The numbers of kids who are sexually mistreated/abused/assaulted in public schools is staggering. Plus, the number of teachers who get fired and go somewhere else and reoffend is amazing. It is very reminiscent of Catholic priests just going to other parishes and reoffending for the length of their career.

I know when the whole Mary Kay LeTourneau thing came out about ten years ago, I think most of us, me included, wrote it off as a one time event. Doesn't happen in schools, and this woman is just sick. Well, I do agree with the latter, but the news headlines don't stop. Time and time again these days teachers are being caught doing the unspeakable.

We always hear in the news that the story is a female teacher going after teen male students. Not so, says the AP research. Ninety percent of the time it's a male teacher. I am not hearing this on the news! There is definitely a lot of shushing going on with this.

My prediction--a lot like what has happened to the Catholic church. You will find victims will find their voice and start speaking up and getting litigious. There is a woman in the article, Jennah, who finally got justice for her ordeal. She had guts. Instead of taking a spendy settlement and agreeing to be quiet. She took the offender to court and finally got his teaching license revolked. She could have taken the money and gone away. The wave is going turn just like it did on the Catholic church.

My local public school cannot afford pencils for kids let alone a multimillion dollar lawsuit. We are going to start seeing lawsuits against schools who knew they were hiring a teacher who had a "spotty" record. We are going to start seeing some outrage in big proportions.

I think we taxpayers are going to have a big bill we are going to have to pay. The irony is this--we are paying for public schools as well as paying the settlements. It's the American way!

I'll close with one more chilling quote from this article.

"I tell you what, they never go away. They just blend a little better," says Steve Janosko, a prosecutor in Ocean County, N.J.

UPDATE: Here comes the tide. Just this morning, the local version of this same atrocity came out. Click here. Washington state doesn't seem to be immune, although this news report is putting a positive spin on it, I still think there are probably more abusive teachers than people think.

UPDATE #2: Click here for another proceeding that just ended in Illinois. This weirdo thinks duct taping young female students in school closets is fun!

Pumpkin Wasteland

What are those pictures about? Every year we go to a favorite pumpkin patch, which we did Wednesday.

I haven't griped this much since I was a kid! We did the corn maze which was fun for the kids. It was incredibly muddy, and that is nothing to be shocked at. This is Oregon.

Then the fun part that I look forward to--hop on the hayride and take a ride about a half a mile down the road to the pumpkin patch. Let the kids pick a pumpkin, catch the hayride back, and head home. Nice right?

So they plop out in the field and let us know they will be back in about 15 minutes to get us. Great. I step off the wagon and almost slide to my hiney in the mud. Again, we're in Oregon, shoulda worn boots.

Then we start hiking around the pumpkin patch. It quickly becomes apparent--the Great Pumpkin is not visiting this patch. You have a choice between three kinds of pumpkins. 1) Fifty pounders. No thanks. 2) Moldy ones. 3) Smashed ones. You can see by the shot with JM and his arms up....the vines are mashed and the pumpkins are laying in wet dirt. No leafy vines. This place is a graveyard of pumpkins.

I am inside my head thinking--why did they offer the hayrides today? We have walked all over this field and there is nothing. I am irritated at my favorite farm. This is a total bust.

It gets better. We stand by the side of the dirt road waiting for the hayride to come back. I can see it in the distance by the barn. It is about a half a mile down a muddy dirt road. Suddenly the heavens open up, and it starts pouring. Fifteen minutes is up folks--start the tractor and rescue us! It didn't budge.

I ask JM, can we do this? Can he hoof it for me, while I carry BH down this muddy/slippery road. It is a miracle we didn't fall down in the mud. It is pouring rain like crazy at this point and quite blustery. We start going. In about 20 minutes, we make it back to the barn, through the parking lot to our vehicle. The tractor still hasn't moved. We weren't the only ones on that ride. It was full of about 30 moms and kids. They are all back at the pumpkin patch soaked and wet. At least I had a six year old with a constitution to walk--they all have babies who can't walk. I honestly do not understand why the farm owners aren't thinking about this.

I have the kids disrobe as much as is modestly possible without ruining the interior of the car. We are all muddy from our knees down, and up our backs. As we walk the mud from our heels spatters up, so we are spritzed up and down our backs. We have a car blanket and we bundle up. I am soaked.

The best part of the day? JM had the best attitude--better than mine in many respects. I was irritated. Don't send people out to a pumpkin patch with no usable pumpkins! The negative publicity isn't worth it! Another great part--the toasty warm food we bought at McDonald's. It took me several hours and several cups of coffee to finally feel warm again.

Children don't see race....

Okay, cute picture at the pumpkin patch yesterday. I have a whole other post I am working on for that. I just like adding pictures.

Here is my next funny adoption story to share with you.

About a year ago, our family is at my inlaw's home. A good family friend, we'll call Olive, who is elderly, comes over. Olive brings a distant family member to play with the kids, she is a little girl who is about eight years old or so--I can't remember her name honestly, but let's call her Susie.

Olive whispers to the adults that Susie is going through some adoption issues. She is adopted, and was adopted as a baby by her aunt and uncle because birth mom was having trouble with the law, etc. Susie has realized recently what adoption is, voicing feelings of being rejected, etc. Olive wants us to know because Susie might say something, and we should know that. I appreciated that. Can you imagine if we didn't know and the following story played out?

Aside here--it is very very common for adoptees between the age of about 8 to 10 to suddenly have the emotional maturity to figure out how huge adoption is, what is means to them, and to suddenly feel loss from that. It is a phase, but shouldn't be ignored, and should be talked about, not shushed like it was when I was a girl. Very common feelings, and I am expecting it to happen to my kids, and I am ready to be open to discussing it with them, assuring them, loving them, etc.

Okay, so the kids have been playing for a couple of hours. Susie and JM in particular are playing really well together.

At one point, Susie comes and sits beside me on the couch, and takes a huge sigh.

I ask her, "How you doing? Are you getting a bit wiped out?
She says, "No, I am sad. I am adopted you know." (Again, imagine if Olive hadn't warned us.)

I say, "Susie, adoption isn't so bad. It's actually pretty special. What do you think?"
Susie says, "I don't think so. I don't know anyone else who is."

I say, "Really? You sure?"
Susies, "No one!"

My answer, "Did you know that JM and BH are adopted?"
Her face looks like Freddie Kruger just climbed out of my ear. She is shocked!
She hisses, "NO WAY!"

I hope you're laughing, because I could hardly contain myself.

The whole room burst into muffled giggles. Remember on my previous post where I got tagged--honest to goodness folks, kids do not see race. She kind of glances around wondering what is going on.

I talk to her just a little bit about how we think adoption is pretty special and lots of people are adopted. I tried to just make it positive for her. She seemed to lighten up a bit and went back to playing.

When her parents came by to pick her up, I gave them a quick summation of the conversation just in case she brought it up later. I assured them, I am not some weirdo adoptive mother, but just tried to assure Susie that she shouldn't be too sad about adoption, she is in good company. They appreciated it.

Let's laugh a bit

Okay, I read back over my posts for the last few days, and I have gotten pretty serious into adoption issues. I need to get off my soapbox for a minute and lighten things up.

I know when people see my husband, myself and my kids walking down the street, and if you don't know me, all kinds of questions are in people's minds. Just plain curiosity kicks in and people wonder "how did they get put together?" I know little assumptions come to play. I know that we are a walking beacon for questions. I understand that, and I also understand that is what I signed up when I adopted children of a different race.

I have been told in the past that one incorrect assumption is that, when I am not with my husband, people think my husband is African American. That is a logical guess. I can see how someone would guess that.

Here is the craziest one I have heard in all my years of being a beacon.

Summer of 2006. JM is in swim lessons. BM is just barely walking (unlike the whirling dervish he is now). So as BM and I sit and watch JM in the bleachers, there are tons of other moms with their little kids around us. There is one mom who has her kids plus a couple of daycare kids she watches. She never asks about adoption but she is definitely enthralled with BM because he is so cute. He also had his full afro hair at the time. That fro is probably what people noticed the most about him then.

Anyway, all the parents always bring a towel for the kids, of course. We have a towel that has a map of the Caribbean on it. We bought it when we were on a Caribbean cruise several years ago. It has actually come in handy for showing the kids where Haiti is. Plus, when we have gone on other trips there since then, we show them where we are going. So we have this cool towel. Keep in mind, it is mostly folded up in a bag, or I am wrapping my kid in it and heading to the locker room. It is not out on display, and I am not thinking a thing of it. When we use that towel, it is a towel.

Almost towards the end of the summer, this daycare lady who is bubbling with curiosity and I didn't know it, finally says to me one day,

"So your husband must be from the Caribbean."
I say, with a huge wrinkle on my forehead, "Ummmm.....no. What makes you think that?"

She has put this huge string together....
"Well, I see your kids are of African descent. And you have this towel of the Caribbean, which I figured your husband brought to America when he came here."

I just say with a smile, thinking the reality is simpler, "No, my kids are adopted. My husband is whiter than me."

I can imagine she sat on those bleachers all summer trying to put this together, the kids, catching shorts glimpses of the towel, me, etc. I had to giggle at what a huge stretch she had to do to come to that conclusion.

This is why....

Click here for the tragic story.

This story is exactly the reason why I am a huge advocate for adoption. Specifically adopting kids out of foster care.

This girl was a ward of the state of Texas almost all of her life. The only time anyone employed by the state of Texas took her seriously was when it came time to investigate her murder. You will read how the investigators realized they were her only advocates and gave their all to find the culprits. Give them a medal, and I am not kidding.

Are kids who come from the state easy? No. Plus throw in some teenage rebellion and hormones, they can test your will to the core. Was this girl a horrible person? No. She needed that strong parental figure(s) to be there for her and adopt her--not just give her foster care. In this article you will read that after a breakup with a high school boyfriend she sobbed "I just want to be loved!" She wanted a family. That is all.

Do we all have the stomach to adopt foster kids? No. Are all of them a good fit in our homes? Not at all. But those who scream out with the classic signs of just wanting attention--not selfish attention--but that daily interaction attention with a loving person that we all take for granted--those are the kids I am interested in.

She looked elsewhere. So sad.

Got adoption "tagged"

Normally, I don't do these things, but I like these questions!

If you are reading this and you are connected to adoption in anyway, consider yourself tagged. It will be interesting to see who does it. I am hoping my new blog friend in Minnesota does.

Four things I thought about adoption when I was a child:

1) Oliver Twist--wayward street children
2) Anne of Green Gables--precocious and unwanted until they proved themselves
3) Troubled--family friend of ours was adopted and I was told to stop asking questions about him. Jimmy Fagerholm! Where are you these days?
4) Secretive. Never had an open, candid discussion with anyone about adoption, ever.

Four things I have learned since then:

1) None of the above are true.
2) Adopted children are not strange because of being adopted. They are just like everyone else.
3) Adoption comes in all kinds of ways. Foster care, international, domestic, private, open, closed (not me!), family adoption, etc.
4) When you see an adopted child/person, there is a birth mom on the other end of it.

Four silly things people have said to me about adoption:

1) "Now that you have adopted, watch, you'll get pregnant with a real child." My kids are not fakes.
2) 100% of the time, when someone finds out I am an adoptive parent, I get asked, "Are they biologically related?" No. I honestly don't understand why that is asked all the time and why it is important to people. I am not saying this to be sarcastic, I really truly do not understand this question and why it's important.
3) "I think what you're doing is so great." Like we are doing some great humanitarian thing. Nope. What we're doing is completely selfish--we want kids. The person doing a great humanitarian thing is the birth moms.
4) "Imagine the horrible place your kids have been rescued from. How great they're with you." Very few birth moms live under bridges. Most birth moms are cornered in between a rock and a hard place with resources in their lives. They aren't abusive, mean, uncaring people. I don't think that I have rescued my kids. I do feel I have taken away the rock and hard place from a birth mom and given her a second chance and hopefully some opportunities she may not have if she chose to parent her child.

Four things that are hard about adoption:

1) In my top ten happiest days of my life--two of them have been when my children have been placed in my arms. Those same days are the saddest days of the birth mom's life. Her heart is tearing in two.
2) When adoptions fall through. Especially when an adoption worker has been unscrupulous. I am still paying off a $6,000 screw up.
3) Racism in adoption. I have been told recently that there is legislation in the working so that African American descended children can only be adopted by African Americans.
4) Getting incredibly personal infertility questions.

Four ways my adopted/placed child has surprised me (or how your adopted/first parents have surprised you if you are an adoptee):

1) I honestly cannot imagine loving a child more than I love my kids. Love for one's children is not created in the birth canal.
2) Children at my kid's age (up until recently with my oldest) do not see race.
3) I have no expectations for them. No "he's acts just like Uncle Johnny" or "he's so athletic like your grandfather". I really like this aspect. My kids are completely free to be whatever without any familial/genealogy expectations.
4) How cool and generous the majority of people are with my kids and our family. All of my complaining is tempered by the crazy amount of love people have for us.

Four things I wish everyone knew about adoption:

1) Not everyone should do it. But a lot of people should, who don't. There are needy kids in this world who need to be parented by the cool people I know.
2) Not all adoption workers are created the same. Please please get in touch with someone like myself or Natryn who have worked with ethical workers. There is so much pain for all parties involved when unscrupulous people start treating adoption like an industry.
3) Adoptees are not a minority. There are a lot of them, and it's not a secret. Being adopted is just one way a family is assembled.
4) The joy you will experience when a young child wraps his little arms around your neck and calls you "Momma" is unmatched. Especially for those kids who have come from troubled places. For a child from those places, when they start calling you "Mom" you need to accept that title with pride. You have broken through the shattered pieces and are on a new path.

Birthmoms

So when I went to see Natryn the other day we talked about one of her latest posts--how to deal with intrusive questions from strangers about adoption.

Now, I am such an adoption advocate. I mean it, I will answer nosy questions, even rude ones for the sake of adoption. What I get upset about is those nosy questions in front of my kids.

This is what happened to me. I walk into church, complete stranger sees me loaded down with kids, headed to their classrooms. JM is standing right next to me, and is hearing all of this. I have no idea who this woman is. Her questions begin:

"Are they adopted?"
"Yes."

"Are they brothers?"
"Yes."

"How old were they when you got them?" (She thinks they were adopted from foster care.)
"Both were babies."

"How did that happen?"

Now I am irritated. If I say in anyway that they aren't brothers, what will that do to JM? They are brothers. They are not biologically related. But if I indicate at all that they aren't brothers, is that communicating to my son that his relationship with BM is anything less than brothers? I am so irritated that I am in this position, questioning myself and my family relationships because this woman is curious. She doesn't need to really know any of this at all. Truly, it's none of her business.

Before bolting down the stairs, I said quickly, "They are adopted brothers." I hate that answer, but I felt I needed to say something. I don't care that to this day she still thinks our kids came from the foster system.

Natryn's conversation on this topic gave me the one-liner I needed to deflect such a thing. I won't ever do it unless it's that nosy in front of my kids. I promise! Ask me anything anytime! Just realize those kinds of questions also inadvertently educate our kids. I want my kids to always know that they are brothers, we are a family, adoption wasn't second best, and they are the best. Adoption doesn't make them any less than the great kids they are. That woman's line of questioning was starting to do just that.

Natryn had a similar thing happen to her recently at a shower. How do you deflect and get the person to stop? Yet continue to advocate for adoption? There were several golden answers to her post, and I'll let you click over there to see the discussion. I got some goodies out of it.

But one aspect of the nosy questions center around birth mothers. Who are they? Why did they choose to place their child for adoption? Then there is the misguided, yet well intentioned, "I could never do that. I don't understand people who give their baby away." I plead with you--please don't ever say that to a birth mother! She doesn't deserve the unintentioned shame that comes across in that sentence, she deserves honor.

Both Natryn and I are birth mom advocates. I say that even after being taken for a song by a birth mom. Yes, they can sometimes be troubled people. Show me any aspect in life where there aren't a few lemons that ruin it for the rest of us. Natryn said it best, "No one says when they are little 'I want to be a birth mom when I grow up!'" No kidding--it is a decision I don't think I could make.

Yet, I am eternally thankful beyond belief for the birth moms who gave me my sons. I am eternally grateful they didn't choose abortion. I am eternally grateful that God lead them to adoption agencies that guided them lovingly and didn't judge them and jerk them around. I have never been given the chance, but if given one moment with either of these people, I will hug them with all of my might and thank them profusely. If there is a wash basin nearby, I will serve them and wash their feet. I am not kidding! They gave me a piece of their soul when they entrusted their babies to me, that is the least I could do.

That is the honor I bestow on these women. Why? Say this nicely, not judgmentally, "I don't understand how you made that decision. I don't know if I could have. As a result, I have the utmost respect for you. And I thank you. You are a courageous person. God bless you."

When I meet people who have placed children for adoption in the past, I thank them for sharing their secret. Why? Because birth moms don't advertise themselves because they have been shamed for their decision by someone before me. I also say, "As an adoptive mother, I cannot thank you enough for the courageous decision you made. Thank you." I want to give her the honor that some have failed to give her.

I also make sure these same words are used in my home. I tell my children about their birth moms. I tell them that we are so thankful that she chose to make such a hard decision so we could be a family. At holidays and certain dates of the year, we pray for them. Because we know that where ever they are on certain days, with family, they are missing the child that isn't with them, and probably somewhat sad. So we pray that God gives them a dose of joy and honor for their decision on that day and every day.

And then there was light....

My husband is home! He has been gone all week. I am a big girl and can handle this, really. Yet, the other side of that--I have the utmost respect for single parents. It is non-stop parenting, no breaks, and Lord help you if someone gets up five times during the night, which happened Monday night. Started the week off with a bang.

So my husband has been gone all week. All my normal life responsibilities are still in place. No handing kids off for a break, like I did this morning. I went into a trance over the skillet while making pancakes and sipping my coffee. Arguing in the living room? Baseballs being thrown in the house? I didn't notice.

The other cool thing when hubbie gets home--he missed me! So what is nice, I get his attention. I get some cool conversations and an extra hug.

Does this make him a bad guy? No. Life gets in the way. When he and I are in our groove of life, we are ships passing in the night. Literally. He works days, I work nights and weekends. When I am ready to have a conversation, he is snoring. When he is ready to have a conversation, my business phone rings. But for this brief time--and I am milking it, we miss each other. Distance and hearts growing fonder. Plus, the kids can't stay off of him....and I get to go into my trance.

Again, not a bad guy. I have an awesome husband. Yet, he is also in the midst of his PhD program, which is why he traveled far away. He has so many brainy things going on in his brain, for me to interrupt his train of thought to ask of our two year old has sat on the potty.....But he is home, and we all missed each other, and it will be a good day. But for the next two years, he will always have his mental attention there, not here. I did this when he got his master's degree, and I am riding it out for his doctorate. But for this moment, maybe this weekend, he's here with us.

We will have fun this weekend, but not with me today. I am working today. All day. I will be home at about 10 pm tonight, and every bone in my lower back will be screaming.

But tomorrow is my favorite thing....I have been dropping hints.......the Apple Orchards!! Child of God and her family are in Oregon right now and will be joining us. Stay tuned for some fun pictures. Bonus, I am hoping our mini-honeymoon stage carries over into tomorrow so we don't bicker about how the car seats fit in the car, which turn to take, how clean the car is (ha! I won't win that!), how many pies should be bought, etc. Prayerfully, it will gloss over, and it should be fun!

The scoop on school

The timing is incredible. I hear in the news recently that Oregon public schools actually scored less than originally thought on standardized tests. If you read the story, click here, there was a computer glitch that scored all students higher by one percent.

Which is worse? The test scores of students or wondering who is running the testing system in the state of Oregon?

I read this article right after having my online information session with Connections Academy (CA). I am so excited! Things I learned are as follows:

1) Parents who were typing on this online conference need to take CA's typing course. It was like reading literal phonics. The moderator was one of CA's high school English teachers too. I felt her pain.

2) Attendance. Since CA is a public school, there is mandatory attendance. I asked how that was measured. In Oregon, there is a minimum "seat time" students must have. High schoolers must have 5.5 hours. Elementary school is around 4. The moderator was not 100% on that, but said she was in the ballpark. I got an eye opener on that. How much time is wasted in traditional classrooms? I am looking to finishing JM's school time by the time BH comes home from preschool.

3) CA has extra programs to help those students who are far behind their grade level. They also have accelerated programs for those who want to go ahead. Plus, they can also have students take community college courses in high school to prep for college. There were a bunch of specific questions on this because the questions were specific to each person's child. Suffice to say, I didn't see anyone who couldn't do CA. One participant has a child that has a pretty debilitating disease that has caused a lot of missed school because of hospital stays. This program will allow her to work at home, even in bed, if need be. In fact, her public school suggested she get a tutor at home instead of trying to achieve minimum attendance. Tutors cost! CA is completely free.

4) A 7th grader got on with her mom. She described going to school all day, currently, and then coming home to stacks of homework. She is overwhelmed and stressed out. She is excited to start this program, use her time to her pace, and actually be able to do a sport or something extra.

5) I also asked about a computer. We would need to get a computer just for JM. Mine is already tapped out with my candle stuff. ML's is already tapped out with his dissertation. I asked if we could buy a computer that is set with all the things they need (ie Word and Excel, webcam, speaker and microphone, etc). I know they offer computers at low or no cost to low income families--all decked out. Nope. Need to deck one out myself. Durn!

6) I got to see Natryn yesterday! See her link down below. Her twins are the best! BH got to play with them, and sure enough, he shushed them when they fussed. I think it was more of a comforting thing. When he shushes me, it's because I am talking. Too cute! She is pretty sure she will homeschool. We talked about CA and it is coming to her area soon, she is not in Oregon. So we could do field trips together, etc. I am hoping to find some others in this program before we begin so we can start nurturing the friendships kids need.

7) At JM's zoo trip last week, there were several parents there (thank the LORD!) and two other moms and I were talking about what to do with the kids next year. Their reasoning is that the current school the kids are in stops at first grade. My reasoning is, the other private school I found for the least expensive price is still too much for our budget. So we chatted about CA, and both of them wanted the info pack I had. Nice huh? That would be a dream if their two kids did it, because they are JM's friends, and again, the network would be great.

8) In addition to that, both of those moms expressed that they were frustrated paying tax dollars to the state education system, yet we're paying for private school. Not so with CA! It is a public school! All materials (minus the computer), books, etc are sent to the families. Natryn also bugged her eyes a bit yesterday "It's free??!"Yes, it is. In fact, it is cheaper in my state to do this than homeschool because I won't have to pay for curriculum. When I told Natryn how much a curriculum cost roughly, her eyes bugged again. It's nice knowing the tax dollars are going to this.

9) Now my friend in the state of California already has this luxury. The homeschool laws there have it so that if you do homeschool--one option (and it seems the most popular) is that you connect your family to a charter school, and get resources and materials there. The state allocates so much money for each student that way. I know why they do this. It keeps homeschool families happy, and yet keeps the "enrollment" people happy so that schools are not missing out on federal funding based upong student enrollment.

Click here for what has happened in my state with enrollment. Students doing poorly at school, families move to other districts (because the district won't give a boundary waiver--they lose funding! But they also lose community support), and people are flocking away from the city strictly because of schools. I overheard one of JM's schoolmates dad saying just today they are moving this summer for this very reason. Well, if the state of Oregon could get their homeschool/charter school situation in line, they wouldn't lose the federal funding they have. A few years ago, my county imposed an extra tax just to pull the schools out of the ditch--and that was for every family in our county. I can't imagine what low income families did for that. My cpa called it the "four hundred and fifty dollar hairball" we got to cough up.

The more I look at this topic, I realize how much my state really is stuck in a rut and won't look outside the box for alternatives to education that a lot of families want. Every time something like this goes before the state legislation, it fails or gets stuck in some back room committee never to be seen again. I really do admire the state of California for their innovation, and understanding the families want alternatives to traditional classroom education. Yet there are opportunities for the state of Oregon to offer education, like homeschool, like charter schools, etc. I can't imagine any mom and dad saying "I just love the idea of moving away, further from my job and community, so that Johnny can graduate with something in his head."

Now, do I think everyone should do CA? No, but I am mentioning all of this because it isn't well known, and I think a lot of people should know it as an option. I also think that "virtual schools" are definitely the wave of the future. I wouldn't be surprised in twenty years if most kids were educated this way, or a version of it. The internet has provided the world with such a global economy and awareness, it can only spill into education.

There you have it. Unless something drastic happens, this is what we are doing for second grade. If we have money troubles this year and tuition gets to be too much, we'll also enroll early.

That is the plan. I can't wait.

These sorts of stories give adoption a bad name.

Click here for the full story.

Here it is in summary. Young boy, taken from his horrible situation at the age of four months and placed in foster care in my state. His birth mother has lost her parental rights--they are terminated. His birth father is sentenced to prison for drug charges, and he is a convicted, not alleged, but convicted sex offender. He is also an illegal alien in America.

This little boy, Gabriel, is now two and knows no other family. His foster parents have been pursuing adoption and were on the verge of finalizing it.

Aside--in this state, in the foster/adopt system. Your application to adopt a child is put to a committee, who then decides if you get to adopt this child. By the time your application is at a committee, you have had the child in your home and you have a relationship with them. You have also been put through the adoption application which includes: federal fingerprinting/background check, sex offender and criminal background check, financial check, several personal references have been checked, your employer has been contacted to see if you are a good employee, and you have had a thorough physical. If you fail any of these, you will be turned down. I have a friend who's husband, back in like the early 80's urinated in public and a young girl saw him. It is considered a sexual crime and he cannot adopt a child because he is a sex offender. It's a pretty serious application process in the state I live in, and it should be! Gabriel's foster family are stellar people. He is a state patrolman, and they have several adopted kids on a huge piece of property.

Okay, back to the story....

Family is going to committee! Let's adopt this kid! OOoops! The state just realized sex offender birth father is being paroled soon. The state decided to send Gabriel to Mexico released to his paternal grandmother's care. Guess where sex offender father has indicated he will go once he is paroled and deported (get him out of here!)? Mom's house in Mexico. Gabriel is going to Mexico with complete strangers, in a country he has never known, with a man he doesn't know, to a woman he doesn't know, to be with sex offender dad. Oh my gawd!

The state committee indicated that they give preference to blood relatives. Really? What about the birth mom's family? What about sending this kid out of the jurisdiction of the USA to be with a known sex offender? If this man were a US citizen, would we still send Gabriel to grandma's house? No. This little boy was born in Oregon, he is a US citizen. His rights?? This is preposterous, and absolutely gives adoption a bad name.

So the state of Oregon has paid a bunch of money to house this loser in our prison system for at least two years. My tax dollars have also paid for the foster care Gabriel has received. My tax dollars have paid for the huge adoption costs to get this boy to committee for this family. Nope, send him to Mexico.

When I talk to people who, in recent years, have had a bad experience with adoption. It's a state adoption like this. It's a situation where there is huge preference given to blood relatives, forget that the relatives don't have a roof over their head, but send the kid there anyway. It makes my blood boil.

Why? Remember the hoops that we, adoptive parents, have to jump through, yet, if a little of my DNA matched the kid's, all those serious hoops go away. It is aggravating.

This family did something so cool. They went to the press. They yelled at the top of their lungs, "Look here! We need somebody to start making noise!" I give them huge credit for screaming loud.

Why? Because this has made national news, and the child protection services in Oregon can't handle the phone calls at this point. Keep doing it! I also emailed the Center for Missing and Exploited Children and John Walsh. No luck there, but I was hoping one of his no-nonsense sound bites might help.

At this point, a new committee of completely different members are being assembled to reconsider the decision, based upon this family's request for an immediate appeal. Please pray that wiser heads prevail here.

I have always said, if you plan to adopt, be prepared to defend your family. Not all adoption workers are on your side. You need to really know who to trust.

I called our state's adoption line recently to find out what we would need to do to get that process going again. We had an incredibly horrible experience with them back in 2000, which is why we switched to a private adoption. That is a future post. Suffice it to say, I have grown a spine since then on this issue. When I called recently, I relayed my previous story to them and finished with, "Let me make it clear. If I am treated like that ever again by your agency, I won't roll over again. I will get mad. I will get loud. And I will go up the ladder." Amazingly, the person on the other end of the phone was horrified by what happened, and said she would personally investigate the person involved.

You have to be prepared to do that, folks. Just as if you had given birth and some nurse in the hospital was trying to jerk you around. Your momma bear instinct kicks in, and you get a bit ferocious. I will never apologize for anything I say that defends children. If a rational adult doesn't speak for them, who will? I certainly don't want Gabriel's whacked out adoption committee thinking they have the final word.

First of Many

'Tis the season for us. We do several things during the fall that are so fun. We go to the pumpkin patch and we go to the apple orchards.

A few days ago we went to a pumpkin patch right smack in the middle of the city. We love it. It gives you the whole experience without having to drive a long way. One thing though, we had a thunder and lightening storm right as we arrived. Thunder and lightening are rare in Oregon. We waited it out, so the kids ran through the fields and got their feet and lower extremities soaked.

The big rule, if you pick out a pumpkin, you need to be able to haul it to the cash register to pay for it. That was a tall order for a few of the kids.

JM also had a class field trip yesterday to the zoo. So I have a few shots of that. Enjoy!







Here we are waiting for the rain to subside. Can you see it pounding off the cars?














And then there was the zoo...




No, the zoo did not have caged slugs. But Oregon has slugs, no doubt. This one was in our path and about 3-4 inches long. Yucky!

Two year olds part V

Okay, I have started a new label for just my two year old. I'll also start one for the six year old the next time it warrants.

We need some comic relief around here! Before watching this video. Please note, this is for pure entertainment purposes only. It is only acceptable coming from the mouth of a two year old because his pronounciation makes the humor that much better. This clip may not sit well with those of us who have not lived a little, maybe not sat at a bar, or maybe not been around truckers.

It may not sit well with those who are Bible college students. On the outside, you'll have to show your Christianly indignance. Inside you'll crack up. I give you permission to grin a little. Maybe even giggle in private at your computer

But for those of us who come from red neck heritage, this cracks us up. Are you intrigued?

Update regarding Keith

The news article has been updated for the accident that claimed Keith and Nolan's life. Click here for details. There is also a memorial going at the crash sight. Click here for details on that.

I just talked to another friend who attends the church Keith and his girlfriend attended. Again, please pray for Keith's girlfriend. She is angry and is having a hard time tearing herself away from the accident scene and has pieces of the car in her possession. Putting myself in her shoes, I can't say I wouldn't do the same. But if I were in her shoes, I know my family and friends would be surrounding me with prayer as well.

How I Know Keith

Let me tell you about Keith.

I went to visit an old friend, B, in southern Oregon back in March. She and I hadn't seen each other in years. The last time I saw her JM was a year old and she was pregnant with her third child. That child is five now. It was great to see her.

Her husband, T, is a contractor. He also has a soft spot in his heart for people who need a step up in the world. When I visited last March, Keith was working for T. From what I heard from B, Keith is young. Early 20's. No father in his life, and mother who can't stop the nasty criticism. She specializes in finding ways to insult Keith.

Well, Keith has lived on his own since his early teens. He has also struggled with addiction to drugs and alcohol for most of his life. T hired him in hopes of giving Keith that step up. I think Keith looked at T as that father he never had. T has that gentle man's spirit about him. He's pretty funny, mostly quiet, and has known the Lord most of his life, so he has wisdom. Keith never had that. His relationship with God has been new, and already tested by the addiction. T and B invested their hearts and souls, home and family into Keith.

When I met Keith, he offered to detail my minivan for $50.00. I saw what he had done to T and B's car, and said absolutely. He took four hours to pull all the seats out, shampoo the carpets, Armor All all the surfaces, fished out about 100 crusty french fries, then started on the exterior. When I walked outside about half way through the project, it looked like Sanford and Son on the driveway. Every nook and cranny of my van got a working over, and I felt like I had a new car.

Best $50.00 I have spent in a long time.

The next time I saw Keith was in August. He had a few hard knocks with T. He almost lost his job because that addiction was creeping in and he was making bad decisions. Many people were questioning T why he was giving Keith another chance. I got to see Keith and chat with him about the weather in August. I also got to meet Nolan, a friend of Keith's and another employee of T's. Another hard knock case, plus he has a six year old son that he is trying to keep up the child support payments on.

I saw Keith about 10 days or so ago. I was in southern Oregon again for some candle parties. This time I had our small sedan. He offered to detail it, and buff the snickers out of it. I was shocked to see how much he was able to buff out the key marks someone at a grocery store had left for me. He detailed the car while I watched kids in the front yard. If you look at the pictures below, BH on the hippity hop--that is where we were, with Keith behind us.

That was a hectic afternoon. We almost locked the keys to the car in the trunk. I got to meet Keith's girlfriend, who helped with the Armor All. Then I had to rush off to a candle party. I arrived at Tracy's house. Tracy was impressed by the car, and said she might be calling B so she can have some work done. My hubbie asked me "Who's car is that in the driveway?" Joking about how great of a job Keith did.

I got to talk to B a bit about Keith a little bit on that visit only ten days ago. Keith was really trying hard to make it good with his girlfriend. He wanted to marry her someday. She comes from an almost rougher background that he does. But two broken souls, trying to love God, and make their way in the world together, keep their addictions at bay, and not let the past ruin their futures. It's the stuff of Hollywood. They were incredibly cute together.

God has other plans. I got an email from B this afternoon. Keith, Nolan and another friend were killed in a car accident early this morning. Click here for the news regarding that.

B and I talked/cried on the phone. She has her kids at home with her today, and she has to keep a happy face. I am off to a meeting I am conducting, and can't have makeup running down my face. So much to talk about and agree on--thank the Lord above that Keith had his relationship with God in place. B seemed to be wondering if he was high when it happened. Her pastor brought up a good point--it doesn't matter. How many of us are in "sin" while driving a car, whether it is drugs, swearing at the car next to us, speeding, etc. We also are concerned for Keith's girlfriend. Please please pray for her. She is so fragile right now. Such a baby Christian, with so little support from family. Pray the newfound church family she has found will be what she needs. She is so young! Keith was so young! Nolan was so young! Nolan has a young child. T no longer has a workforce for his business. So much loss in one moment.

We also agreed, he is free. No more pounding his head against the wall of his addiction. B and I agreed, of all the people we have known in our lifetimes--Keith worked harder than anyone we know to beat it, and worked at it minute by minute. Now, he is enjoying the golden streets of heaven, addiction free, ready to do the work the Lord has set for him not on this earth. For that, I am happy beyond belief for Keith.

I came home tonight looking at the interior of my car. Knowing Keith's hands have touched almost every surface with care and precision. Knowing he has buffed the exterior watching every angle to make sure it was smooth as silk. It felt like he was all around me.

I would give in a second to take the place of these young people that I have lost in the last month. Jessica who had so many gifts about to be given to this world. Keith about to take the next steps in adulthood. They have so much to offer! So much ahead of them.

I can't take many more emails like the ones I have gotten in recent weeks.