Another Journey--I'm Sick of Journeys

Why the heck does everything in a woman's life involve a journey? I am so sick of journeys.

And yet, by no choice of my own, I am embarking on another. Menopause. It is this weird thing that happens to us all who have XX chromosomes. We know what it is. Yet it's very unclear.

Technically, I am pre-menopausal. All women are before the plumbing shuts down, technically.

What I have discovered. It's the pre-menopause (or perimenopause) that is the painful journey. Menopause is the prize.

And each journey is incredibly different. If you talk to the girlfriend network, there is no helpful hints because each person is so varied in their experience, health, family history and doctor's advice. Ask anyone of them, when did it start? Deer in the headlights.

I visited the doctor a year ago. She confirmed what I already knew intuitively. I am in the thick of it. No real discernible symptoms that can be measured, but I'm there. Oh, and it's a good thing I am running and watching my health. It'll make the journey smoother. Swell. Does this seem mysterious to you? It is to me too. 

Here's what I know.
 
 * I have no idea when this started, but as I look back, things were changing when I turned 40. I don't know how to describe it, but change was afoot. Nothing calculable can be reported, I just knew.

*This whole thing, in my little being, is starting to become cyclical. I used to notice "things" showing up every now and then. Now it is definitely cyclical and I have noticed this more since the beginning of the year

* My Restless Leg Syndrome (RLS). Gads, I've had that since my early 30's. What is it? It is a fairly common ailment that starts up as one is getting relaxed, like laying down to go to bed. It's is a creepy, crawly, nervy feeling in one's legs. It builds into a tension for about 30-60 seconds to the point where the only relief is to flex your leg muscles--hard--to relieve it. And then you relax. Wait about 60 seconds and it begins again. On really bad nights, there is no break in the flexing and it goes on for hours. It has gotten worse in recent years.  Related to this journey? Doctor isn't sure. I'm convinced it is. It is part of this newly recognized cycle.

* Speaking of trying to sleep while your legs are trying to turn inside out...let's talk about hot flashes. I don't always recognize them and they are infrequent enough that I have a hard time identifying them. Is it hot in here? Well a little. Did I just go up and down the stairs and maybe a little warm from that? Then I feel silly, "Kids, is it hot in here?" When I know I am having them is at night. Again, not frequently, but there is no asking if it is "hot in here". Sweaty pajamas and sheets tell me. I notice the damp sheets and pajamas because I am wide awake tossing and turning from the crazy RLS. Seems the hot flashes and RLS are on the same cycle. I like to use the new pop culture phrase "hot mess" when I am swearing under my breath in the middle of the night about the beating I plan to give Eve.

*Sugar. I have a sweet tooth. Always have. I have managed to keep it under control for three years now. However, there are cyclical moments when it is crazy how much I have gotta have it. Never had this before in my life. I can also pinpoint it in the cycle. I will have the cravings, step back, do some math in my head, and I know it's part of this extra special journey.....that was sarcasm.

* Plumbing that is cyclical in women is still but not quite. It misfires in really inconvenient and alarming ways. How many of us know that friend's cousin who had a "menopause baby"? Babies are always a blessing, but that would be alarming. The misfires are enough to keep life exciting to say the least. Having a few misfires in a woman's plumbing is something that happens all our life, but now it happens more often. Mysterious and difficult to quantify. When it happens, everything is messed up. The sugar-hot flash-sleeplessness-moody-hot mess is Defcon 5 when a misfire is bad. It lasts for about a month, until the next cycle.

*  Coffee. It makes the RLS worse, I've noticed. Used to be impervious to the effects of caffeine, but during certain phases of this cycle I am still figuring out, caffeine from soda make the RLS go into over drive. However, during dormant stages of this weird journey, coffee is what makes me function to offset the ..... (insert next symptom please)

* Sleep. It's elusive. Having a full 6-8 hours of sleep is all I want for Christmas. If it isn't the evil part of the cycle when the RLS has my legs sore from constant flexing and soaked pajamas, then in general, I am not sleeping soundly. If I go too many nights with some serious sleep deprivation, I'll take a Melatonin just to help. So far that seems to be working. I haven't tried it yet on hot mess nights.

* Since there are all kinds of physical changes that happen here that get a bit personal, especially as a married woman. Well. It's on the list too.

It's a bit amazing to make the list. Of all the symptoms the one that has most of my attention right now is the RLS. I am cutting back on caffeine, specifically soda, later in the day and doing some simple things to combat it. In an effort to do this without medications, I am focusing on healthy eating (except when those crazy sugar cravings hit) and running and, for the most part, I feel good. I certainly cannot imagine this special journey when I was overweight and sedentary. The one take away I got from the doctor last year, the diet and exercise help keep the severity of symptoms away.

Well let's hope so.

Amazing Blog Post on Maria Shriver's Website

I was absolutely shocked and refreshed to read this post.

We are not at war with men. And for once, someone in the mainstream is noticing that the genders need to act in concert and build each other up instead of fight over the differences.

"That every time I stole a man’s power, 

it was because I didn’t know my own."

Christmas is Coming! Let's Add Some Levity to This Economy!

Dear Friends and Family,

Somewhat embarrassing to admit, but Christmas is tight this year.

I will be making bedroom slippers for you all as gifts. Please let me
know your sizes. You'll most likely agree that it's a splendid idea, and
should you wish to do the same, I've included the instructions below.

How to make bedroom slippers out of maxi pads:

You need four maxi pads to make a pair.
Two of them get laid out flat, for the foot part.
The other two wrap around the toe area to form the top.
Tape or glue each side of the top pieces to the bottom of the foot part.


Decorate the tops with whatever you desire, silk flowers (this is most
aesthetically appealing), etc.

These slippers are:
* Soft and Hygienic
* Non-slip grip strips on the soles
* Built in deodorant feature keeps feet smelling fresh
* No more bending over to mop up spills
* Disposable and biodegradable
* Environmentally safe
* Three convenient sizes: (1.) Regular, (2.) Light and (3.) Get out the
Sand Bags.

I've attached a photo of the first pair I made so that you can see the
nifty slippers for yourself....

Awaiting your response. It's crucial that I get the right size for each
one of you.

A State of Affairs

Some of my long time blog followers will remember that I have talked about a friend of mine who was diagnosed bipolar a little over a year ago. There was one day when she called me ready to commit suicide. I got her to her counselor who then diagnosed her pretty much over the phone. In the last year, my friend has gone to the emergency room countless times with feelings of being out of control, suicidal, helplessness, extreme anxiety, etc. Not much effective help has come from that at all. In fact, several times she was told to not go because they couldn't help her. She asked for a specific type of therapy she knew she needed and was told "You're not bad enough, there are several people ahead of you more urgent."

Well, much has changed, and I got an update a few days ago. It all came to a head about six weeks ago. Not only was she suicidal again, but attempted it, and was in the ICU for eight days on life support. Why did she do it? Not for the reasons you might think. Given the logic she was told countless times, she attempted suicide to get the help she needed. "I was tired of hurting so much, and if it took a suicide attempt to get the help (she knows this was twisted thinking) I did it. It was the only option given to me by mental health doctors." Shocked me to death to have her standing in front of me yesterday telling me everything and completely healthy, physically.

She also thought it would be a stomach pumping and it would be over. Hollywood does it again. People come into NBC's Thursday night "ER" and get their stomach pumped, right? No. She almost died. Period. My friend actually was joking with the paramedic about whether she would be conscious by the time they reached the ER, and she barely won the bet. She remembers seeing the doors open and the overhead lights. I think that was a very smart paramedic.

For sure, without God, she would not be with us today. Her attempt was pretty serious, and had not a few things been done correctly, she would have succeeded.

Here is what we know. She actually isn't bipolar. BUT--because she was put on antidepressants years and years ago, she exhibited bipolar symptoms. She was never suicidal until she was on antidepressants. Sound familiar? One of the biggest concerns about antidepressants, especially in teens (she was a teen [18] when first given antidepressants) is that is can cause severe suicidal thoughts. As she got older, that was what the professionals kept doing, messing with her antidepressants.

I have always said all along, I think her problem is her childhood. Her childhood has been marked by nothing but abuse. When she was in college, it was her testimony in court that put her abuser in prison. For that alone, I give her a medal for bravery. I have always believed she needs to sit down and sort out her childhood. She has a lot of loss, anger, grief, resentment, etc. that is unresolved. But who am I?

Well, turns out this suicide attempt gave the professionals a wake up call. She is not bipolar. She is PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). What does that mean? It means lots of really misplaced anxiety because of past trauma. Because of past stuff (soldiers who have seen war have this as well) your mind can't handle, it disassociates. It goes somewhere else to handle the trauma of here and now. Problem is, once the trauma is gone, your mind is still back there. When a current trauma comes, like the rent is due now (it can be simple), or a friend betrays you, or a boss yells at you, your mind copes with that by using the past disassociative mechanism. Also, anything little begins to stress you out because you become afraid of the anxiety attacks that also come with being disassociative. And yet, you don't know where it comes from. It's quite stressful.

Very different than an organic brain disorder, like bipolar. So my friend is finally in a therapy that will reteach her how to deal with anxiety in the here and now. Once she is strong, her next step in therapy is to dig back to the past, pull it out, lay it on the table, take it apart, lay it before God, get angry, sad and mad, and deal with it. She will also have the opportunity to do for herself what no one else has done, nurture that little girl who had no one to nurture her. She will bring the past to the present, and reassociate what has been disassociated.

I have been through a simpler version of this kind of therapy, and I am a huge advocate for it. It deals with the root issue, instead throwing meds at it. You can see the tragic results when things are misdiagnosed.

You also know that I have a friend who is definitely diagnosed bipolar. So, I give you the above story not to scare anyone, not to say one thing is better than the other, etc. But if we talked to my bipolar friend, I think we might find her with a few frustrations at mental health care that is offered to the average Joe. It is frightening to me how once my suicidal friend got into the mental health system, she just became a number.

Where are we now? She is very encouraged that she has a plan for recovery from PTSD, and won't be white-knuckling it anymore after several years of pretty much feeling the need to die. I see a huge difference in her, and I thought she was bipolar! Why? Because the meds she was on exhibited that! It's interesting to see her now, calm, hopeful, purposeful, setting goals, etc.

I know this a honeymoon stage for her right now of having a brush with death, the really hard work of dealing with her past will kick her down again soon enough. She has had a crappy 6 years, it has been nice to see her happy. She deserves it, and I will be there for her when the crappy work begins. Lord bless her!

Warm Welcomes

I want to draw your attention to the little section on the lower left. One of my most longtime friends has joined the blogging world. ES is now sharing her witty and real thoughts with us. Click on "Beth" and you'll go right on over.

I saw her a few nights ago, and went onto blogger to get her signed up. Everytime I asked her what she wanted to name it, we would go off on tangents. I think it took about one and a half hours to give the thing a title and come up with a web address.

So her first post is about her amazingly mature older daughter. I remember when that daughter was a bump on ES's tummy. Now she is a preteen, with long dancer's legs and amazing agility. As you can tell, she is doing quite nice at gymnastics.

Welcome! If you think of it, post a comment on her blog, and let her know you're with me.

Got tagged!

I got tagged by Kim.

1. Link to the person who tagged you
2. Post the rules on your blog
3. List 6 random facts about yourself
4. Tag 6 people at the end of your post
5. Let each person know they've been tagged by commenting on their blog
6. Let the tagger know the entry is posted on your blog.

My six random facts about me:

1. I am a Republican in a largely vocal Democratic state. I have been targeted by people for sharing my views, hence I don't do it often anymore.

2. You know those optical illusions where if you stare at the myriad of small colors a picture emerges? They were big in the 90's. Remember those? Yeah, I can't do those. I have hideous eyesight corrected by contacts. My dad can't do them either for the same reason. I just end up staring at the colors for a silly amount of time accomplishing nothing but feeling silly.

3. I like Sarah Palin. Why? On simple reason, she is pro life and her life circumstances have tested that belief, and she still stuck to her convictions. She didn't have an abortion when told she was having a Down's Sydrome child, and a lot of people do. How many Down's Sydrome children have you seen lately? She didn't pressure her daughter to have an abortion, even though a teen pregnancy by her daughter could sabotage Sarah's political career. I have met Christian youth pastor's daughters who's fathers pressured them to have secret abortions because of the scandal it would cause the father's career. On that issue alone, I respect her. No matter what party, partisan, gender, sex, religion, ethnicity, oh my gosh, I haven't had this kind of a respect for a political figure in a long time.

4. I have piles of laundry that need to be folded. I feel a little guilty about it, but not too much. Then I would have to fold them.....not there yet.

5. I have never had a surgery of any kind. The only times I have been in a hospital was as a kid when I needed stitches a few times. I have never been hospitalized for anything. Now watch, I'll need an appendectomy next week.

6. I got carded today while buying beer. The sheer irony of that made me laugh until I was reminded I might be old enough to purchase Depends.

I would like to tag the Gorra's, Tracy G., and Melenie (because she hasn't posted since April the last time I tagged her!). I think that is all that I can do. Others have already been tagged or on their way out of the country! Tracy D!

I Don't Understand

Here is my list:

I don't understand why kids fight parents on simple issues. They will put more effort into the fight than would take to do the actual thing being asked.

I don't understand people who cut me off in traffic then give me the universal sign. What? Why?

I don't understand why when I go to pay my online bills the day they are due, their system is down. Why can't the due date be the one day we choose not to do maintenance on the website?

I don't understand why people tailgate me in my neighborhood. I will not do thirty five on a narrow residential street. Back off!

Why do people drive recklessly anyway? Why? Has anyone lost as many friends as I have to car accidents? I am sure we all have. So why don't we learn from that and just drive normally? Why?

I don't understand why Mary Kate Olsen won't talk to the feds about what she knows about Heath Ledger's death. She wants immunity from prosecution??? In the words of Dr. Phil, "People who have nothing to hide, hide nothing."

I don't understand a lot of human behavior. I have really been hurt by several people/friends lately, and I just don't understand it. I think more than that, I don't understand why they don't want to resolve it.

I don't understand why my cat meows at me at 1-2 pm in the afternoon incessantly, when she doesn't get fed until 5 pm. She gets locked in the basement when she does that. Problem. My office is now in the basement.

By the way, why do cat boxes smell incessantly? Yet, when cats "go" outside, it subsides. Why?

I don't understand why my kids like to destroy pencils and erasers. Makes me concerned for homeschooling.

I don't understand why Hannah Montana and High School Musical are the rage. I think there could be worse, for sure, but why?

I don't understand why Wii's are so hard to find. Why?

I don't understand why gas is more expensive where I live than other places. I don't understand why milk is $5 a gallon on the east coast, and $3 here. Plus, why is it so expensive? We aren't have a milk crisis with the cows? I know, it's because the gas to drive it to my grocery store went up. I know!

I am feeling the need to be inquisitive....certainly don't feel the need to answer these. I am sure someone knows the analytical reason why Wii's are scarce and would live to give me the five point outline on why. This is just the mood I am in.

What Did I Do on Monday Evening?

Phrase of the Day

Yesterday we went to the London Tea Company in St. Louis. I have a new favorite place. I love traditional tea! The two best places in my city to have a good, unpretentious, traditional tea have closed.

I also bought two blends of teas that I sampled. Those are "The Naughty Vicar" a nice blend of black tea, blackberry and vanilla. Juxtaposed to that, I also go "The Monk's Blend" which is a blend of black tea with grenadine and vanilla.

What added to such a fine day, spending time with the girlfriends over tea. You can't beat that.

The Phrase of the Day I have heard one of my girlfriends say an awful lot (her ex-husband traded her in for a younger model last year, he is now living with his grandma) yesterday. "It's time for him to put on his big boy underwear......" or "it's time for her to put on her big girl panties....."

As I am drifting off to sleep last night, I realized several ways that phrase applies to life. I like it.

Listen to the Music

I just got tagged by Kristina to list seven songs that are shaping my summer.

Here they are:
1) Cinderella by Steven Curtis Chapman. Ever since his daughter died, I cry hard when I hear that song on the radio.
2) Whatever it Takes by Lifehouse. Love that song!
3) After All These Years by Journey
4) Anything by Nickelback.
5) Every Little Thing She Does is Magic by Sting
6) Hannah Montana
7) Into the Night by Santana and Chad Kroeger (Nickelback's lead singer). Seriously, I love this song, and I wish it would be overplayed on the radio.

So, I tag FG, Angela, and hmm....Tracy.

I would also like to leave you with the video to Into the Night. Chad Kroeger is rocking cool with his scratchy voice, Santana is magic on the guitar as always, and this video isn't borderline pornography like every other video on the pop charts these days. Since this song is about a woman who bewitches a man with her dancing, it certainly had the propensity to be yucky. Chad is sporting a shorter, more styled hairdo. Hmm...is he selling out? We'll keep a watch for that.

Let's Count the Ways

I am not wanting to turn this into a whine fest. I just want to stop and think for a moment to count the ways we are really feeling the gas crunch right now. Or just price increases in general.

Here are a few I have felt:

1) Our minivan. Lordy! That baby takes $65 to fill up. Even when she is filled up, because she drinks from her gas tank heavily, she wants another drink pretty quickly. Ouch! That equals hundreds of dollars in our monthly budget. We really try not to drive her too much.

2) As a corollary to number one, I was driving by a used car lot yesterday. Oh my! The SUV's and minivans on that lot for a great price were a plenty.

3) Specific foods. I have seen a huge mark up on milk. A year ago, I could get a gallon of milk for $1.99. I am lucky if I can find a generic brand for $2.99.

4) Some prepared foods. I used to put a little Del Monte fruit cup in JM's lunches when he was in school. I used to be able to find them at supermarkets for about $2.00 for 8 cups. Those same stores have them for $2.74. If I buy them, I go out of my way to go to Walmart to catch them on sale for $1.74.

5) Nutrigrain bars. My kids eat these like crazy. When JM was a baby, I used to buy the super expensive organic ones. Then I discovered Nutrigrain at Costco. I can buy a huge box of 45 bars for $9.95. That is a bargain considering the individuals boxes a year ago were $1.74 in the stores, which was okay but not the great price of Costco. Now, a box of eight in the stores is $2.74. I will only buy them at Costco as long as they hold that price. I don't care if the kids hate the blueberry ones either.

6) Eggs. Honestly, I am so glad we have chickens. Last year a dozen eggs would run about $2.00 a dozen. Now, $3.00 a dozen. I pay about $15 a quarter for chicken feed. I am loving that.

7) Cheese. We are cheese snobs. We love our Tillamook or Bandon cheese. Forget Kraft! One a given day, you used to be able to find a baby loaf of Tillamook for $4.99 on sale. Maybe regular price about $5.99-$6.99. My hubbie came home the other day and was flabbergasted. "This store had their Tillamook on sale for $8.99!" Ouch! I may be doing one of two things with that. Using Bandon cheese, which is right up there with Tillamook. My husband hates it when I do this, but buy the huge loaves of cheese at Costco and freeze some. He says that detracts from the flavor. I told you we were cheese snobs.

So. No complaining. We are in this together. I want to hear your story of how you have choked on a recent cost increase that got you in the pocketbook.

But more importantly, I want to hear the solutions. We are a small knit community bound together by this strange world of blogs. Let's use the information we have, and share it.

My solution is to buy in bulk a lot. Costco, keeping my eyes on prices, consistently helps me with that. I also can't walk about of Costco without spending $100+ dollars on basic items. I always have to tell myself it's okay if I have nothing to show for what I just spent. I have three boxes of Nutrigrain bars in my basement, as a classic example.

Share some of your ideas!

Dog Sale and a Few More Thoughts

JM: (really excited) Mom, I know the difference between a dog sale and a garage sale!

Me: Really? (I have no idea....) What is the difference?

JM: Get it? Dog. Sale. Get it? Because dogs have a lot of junk. Get it?

I don't.

But his delivery of a joke was pretty cute.

Okay, I have to pack up everyone today and head to Medford, OR with the kids, but without the husband. I have a lot to do. Please pray for me, because my back is spasming pretty good right now. I have had chronic back pain for several years, and usually we just muscle through it and take it easy for a day. Not today. I have to pack up our minivan and drive in one position for five hours. And I am not surprised--I am preaching a pro life message tomorrow night. The enemy would prefer I didn't do that. I'll be fine, but I am really hurting right now. Just walking up and down stairs jars my lower back.

Hair stuff! I like my hair even more seeing it this morning! I will post directions on how to do that when I return.

I will be returning to a busy day on Saturday. Look for an update post on Sunday.

Blessings to all of you this week!

It is done!

Okay I have a before picture. And I have an after. You won't be able to tell much difference. But that is what I wanted! I wanted to just barely cover the blonde highlights, cover a bunch of gray and not look like a Hollywood tart who colors their hair differently every week.

I definitely had a freak out moment as I was working the stuff through my hair and it's purple!

The one above is the before. I am sorry, I didn't have a before the hair cut. This is after about six inches are taken off. As you can see, lots of blonde.

This one is courtesy of JM. It was post freak out moment, but nonetheless, quite nervous.


Here is after. I am trying to get a close up to show nice brown hair, and a lot less blonde and very little gray. I like it!

Get this! I did this all tonight without my husband here, and he didn't notice when he got home!

Things I will do differently next time. I still have grays that I can find. I will definitely hit those gray spots a lot harder next time and maybe do a double dose on them. But if you look at the final picture above. My temple that you see is one of the grayest spots on my head. It got covered okay, but I know to hit it harder and thicker next time.

Here are the products I used per the wonderful advice of my fellow candle consultant who always has fabulous hair:

**Clairol Professional Complements Demi-Color (that means semi permanent, you won't have the stair step roots, it will gradually wash out over time)

**Color Prompter Oxydant

**Ion Color Solutions Color Defense After Color Sealing Treatment

**two bottles for mixing and applying, I am holding one up in the picture

All products were bought at Sally Beauty Supply for under $20.00. Nice! And I got a $13 haircut at the Perfect Look next door.

I have never done this before...so my friend emailed me full instructions. Do you all need those too? I can post them. I know a few of you were really interested in this. I have never ever done this before, and am glad I didn't burn my hair off my head. As much as I love my hair, just the thought of that makes me feel ill.

Should I tell the story of when we adopted BH? I was so incredibly stressed out my hair fell out in bunches--for months. Should I make that my next post?

I Played Hooky Today

Tracy and her husband were in town today! Her blog is listed as one of the ones I read. I got to meet her at my favorite coffee hang out in the Albina district (look under "seasonal" for "Van Port?" where I give a brief history of North Portland).

First, Tracy and her hubbie came over to our home to check out our chicken situation. They are considering putting together a little chicken set up and wanted to see ours. Of course, Tracy needed to try on BH's helmet. To her surprise it fit!



Although BH, was definitely not happy that she did that. He had just woken up and hadn't shaken off the grumpies yet.



What a treat! Plus a long time acquaintance joined us. Her name is AR. I know she will read this. I am big on not putting out full names without permission. For anyone who knows me personally, it's kind of fun--AR and I have the same name. Kind of unusual! We don't have a common name.

Anyway, AR and I go way back but truly on a very limited acquaintance level. What a treat to sit and have a light lunch and coffee with her, Tracy and Tracy's husband!

We talked about our national health care crisis, Enron, adoption. Black History month, racial issues, eHarmony.com, church, movies seen recently, playing Pack Rat on facebook.com, jobs, Discovery Channel shows, diet, etc. It was the coolest! Thank you all of you! I had such a wonderful morning, and I will just enjoy the warm fuzzies from it for days to come.

Plus, I am very much hoping that AR and I can ignite our relationship to more than acquaintances. What a treat to meet her and have quality time with her.

I learned more about African American issues. Thank you AR. She grew up in Brooklyn and has stories to tell. She also opened my eyes up more that the racial tension in this country is still pretty tight. Our work in racial equality, safety, and perceptions is not over. Again, what a treat to sit and listen and learn.

Here is the group photo! We had fun. Let's do it again sometime ladies and gentleman!

This is what I am talkin' about!

Check out this article! I did a post way back like last summer talking about if all women took some basic self defense course then what a different world this would be in terms of personal crime statistics.

Click here. I love her line of "Run all you want, I have been running for 40 years." Bummer when you decide to burglarize a marathon runner who had a nice warm up coming home from tennis practice!

Here is some text from my post dated August 3, 2007:

Imagine this. Granted this is a perfect world, but I am imagining this. President Bush, during his state of the union address states, "We are also proud to announce that as of this morning, all women in the United States have now completed and are certified in basic self defense." Applause applause applause.

He goes on to talk about how that was implemented, giving credit to those who put it in motion, what kind of tax breaks employers receive when they pay for such a class for their employees, etc.

President Bush continues, "We have programs in place so that all children in our public schools are taught basic self defense as well. The plan is to have them certified by the end of the school year 2008." Applause applause applause.

It's a little dream but you have to admit, it's kind of fun to think about.

Kindred Spirits....

I have mentioned before that I meet amazing people in my line of work. I just got home from a very fun and festive candle party. I met Tink. That is her nickname, and we'll go with it. She'll read this too, I am sure, so I need to remember that some things that happen at candle parties stay at candle parties.

As we chatted, we realized that we have connections. The main one--I am an adoptive mom, she is a birth mom. She placed a child for adoption a handful of years ago. As she told me her story, her eyes were a little teary and so were mine. But they were tears of goodness and joy. I am always glad to hear when a birth mom says, "That was the best decision. I picked a great family, we have some contact. My life is in a better place now." She is now married to a great guy, has two children, and doing great!

As an adoptive mom, that is water to a dry soul. That is my continued prayer for my kids' birth moms. That this decision to place their child with me is a decision they can live with, have confidence in, and they have new opportunities that would have been missed otherwise. Thank you, Tink, for sharing with me your story, I will sleep well tonight and be reminded to pray for my kid's birthmoms tonight.

Also, another connection with Tink. We're talking about homeschooling and she feels the same way I felt about it. Wants to do it, intimidated by what's involved and all the responsibility of doing it right. I told her about Connections Academy--she is all over it and is excited. She is going to really look into it, and if she does it, we agreed it would be nice to get our kids together for activities. How cool would that be?

She wants to learn to sew. Has a sewing machine. I can help with that just a bit.

I used to work at a crisis pregnancy center, she used to volunteer at one. Her father was in the military, so was mine. It was a crazy fun night to meet her! Anyway, I am exhausted and all keyed up at the same time.

I hope Tink will post here on occasion because as a birth mom in adoption issues, it's nice to hear from that perspective. We don't hear it that often, and I think she has a great story to tell.

Candle Road Tour

Just got back today from a trip basically across the state of Oregon. Took the kids with me to visit friends, have some candle parties, and visit. It was totally fun, but the kids fried out in the end.

On the way home and the kids were arguing relentlessly about the Game Boy games, I took a moment to watch the scenery (or delve into denial, take your pick). While fully utilizing the cruise control, I snapped photos with the digital camera. I will show you a few, keep in mind, I took hundreds more, that is photography at 65 mph, there will be some lemons.

Started off in the Rogue River Valley. Didn't discover until after a rest stop that I needed to use the sports function that took pictures better while in motion. So just remember the movie "River Wild" with Meryl Streep and Kevin Bacon from the 90's, it was filmed there. Very rugged country, lots of fast streams, and beautiful. I caught one picture that is okay. It has the clouds coming over the mountain. On a clear day, you see rolling mountains for miles. Stunning at sunset. I got a few.

I love the state of Oregon. I grew up in Colorado and I love it there too, but the stalker lives there. Through my amateur photo journalism, I will take you on a summary tour of Oregon, because I drove almost the whole length of it today.

I just noticed that I downloaded these in chronologically the opposite order. So feel free to start from the bottom and go up on the captions. I am thoroughly fried, and don't want to do that all over again.

Remember I said blackberries grow wild in Oregon? Here is the I-5 median covered with them. If you could see better, you would see huge blackberries dripping off of the canes. They are in full season right now.
Developers seem to ruin the landscape.
Fruit trees, one of Oregon's many harvests.

You can feel it, fruit harvest is coming soon and the farmers are getting ready. This semi has a load of fruit bins typically used for apples.
The Albany paper mill. It is smells so putrid driving through, it's disgusting.
Grape vines. Oregon's wineries are recognized world wide and have given California wineries a run for their money.
More wineries.
We are in a 50 mph section of I-5. It's hard to go from 70 to 50, but this news station did a report a few months ago about how stiff the fines were for speeding through this very section of interstate. Then this guy goes whizzing by me at about 70.

The Willamette Valley. Would love to own a farm backed up to the hills.
Once you are outside of the cities (Portland, Salem, Eugene, etc) Oregon becomes very rural and agricultural very quickly. It is harvest time.

Finally! Sleep! Quiet! Sleep away the grouchies!

The beginning of our trip in the Rogue River Valley.

See the rolling hills through the overcast skies.

About the only decent shot I got of the hills.
A picture postcard farm.
Blackberries, everywhere. This bunch has been sprayed with poison.
Again, very rural very quickly once you're out of the city.

I want to thank my good friend B, for letting myself and kids overtake her home for a couple of days. She is part of my girlfriend network, and I love her dearly. We had a great time and we'll see her again soon. Hope you got some rest today as well. Our kids really wiped each other out. Her backyard looks out across hills like these, and it adds a bit of peace to a hectic schedule. Thank you!

Also thank you to B for letting me entertain my friend, Tracy and her husband, in her home. You can link to Tracy's blog on my list of blogs. I haven't seen her in years, and have never met her husband. I have been dying to meet him and it was nothing short of an honor to meet him and enjoy their company at B's kitchen table for a few hours.

I did give both B and Tracy a bit of my harvest. Several jars of jam, blackberries and 18 eggs were divided up. And Tracy was so nice to give us some huge cucumbers and yummy cherry tomatoes. Thank you Tracy!

I told B this morning "I don't know why this trip seemed more hectic." She said it was because I was working, and I disagreed at first, but now I think she has a point. I did do some candle parties, and I am good at setting it aside, but it was just enough added onto the whole trip it did make it hectic. I have more candle parties in the future and will make a point to protect against that.

I had too much fun today watching the scenery. I will make a point to watch it going to my destination instead of heading home. I promise to let God's artistry soak in and give me a mental spa treatment instead of being a bit too task oriented.

I still had a fun trip. Thank you to those who contributed!

PS See Tracy's comment under "Proud Marine". I think the eggs were a hit.

The Girlfriend Network

I love the Girlfriends.

I first got my the idea of the Girlfriends when I read the book, "The Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy and Childbirth." I was in my early 20's back then getting geared up for pregnancy and childbirth. Needless to say, since adopting my kids, that book has no relevance to me. However, I truly enjoyed the humor. I recommend it for that. She was the first person to point out that if you place your face over the dishwasher right after running it, you have saved yourself a $100 facial.

I also liked the idea of the Girlfriend network. The premise is that she isn't a doctor, nor are her friends, but the Girlfriend network collectively has great, practical advice. By the way, does anyone notice that when Rachel is pregnant, she reads that book often?? ("Friends" reference there....)

While my husband had his nose to the grindstone with his master's degree, I developed my girlfriend network. I love it! I think we all need to encourage women in their post-high school days to develop a girlfriend network.

Some criteria:
No bad habits. Bad habits taint the Girlfriend network. It tends to spread. If one of the Girlfriends has a bad habit, have you noticed that all of them do?? Don't join that Girlfriend network.

Good taste in men. Must have a mature approach to men and how to date and marry them. The Girlfriend network relies heavily on this point. Most of us have married good men because the Girlfriends let us know they were good men. Not because we had an ounce of logical thinking since we were so twitterpated with them at the time. You need the reasonable thinking of the Girlfriends especially during mate choosing season. Unfortunately, many women haven't developed their network during this time. I lucked out and still got a good man. But we have all seen the consequences when a Girlfriend left on her own chooses for herself.

Must have a moral ground. My Girlfriend network is comprised of Christian women. I have lots of non-Christian Girlfriends, no doubt. I also listen to their advice, especially if they have lots of the other criteria. But my core Girlfriends, the inner circle, are Christians. Why? We share that common bond. If you worship something else, have moral ground on something else, make sure your core Girlfriend network does too. Make sure you have a moral ground of some kind, obviously I recommend Christianity.

Respect for the older Girlfriends. Yes, America has really lost this focus. Many cultures hold their elders in incredibly high regard because they are a fount of wisdom. It works! If we respect and listen to our older members, you will find they are a wealth of information and help. This sometimes doesn't always work with baby care. Sometimes 30 year old baby advice can seem strange. "You bet! We rubbed a little bit of cognac on the baby's gums to help with teething. Works like a charm!" Yes, I have been given that advice before, and I didn't follow it. But especially with men and relationships, the older Girlfriends are amazing women.

We watch out for each other, especially in college. Safety! Big time. I have one memory in college in particular where I sat by a toilet with a good friend while she threw up everything she had ever eaten or drank in her life. She was trying to get into a sorority and it was an initiation thing. I was incredibly worried about her safety because I knew she would be going somewhere strange, get drunk and have no one to watch her back. She was worried too, but wanted so badly to get into this thing. Anyway, I had someone bring her back to the dorm. He carried her over her shoulder like a sack of potatoes and I took it from there. Well, from the cold tiled floor of Nichols Dorm, third floor, west, University of Colorado 1987--all night long. We Girlfriends do that for each other--especially in college!

Be willing to give/take the tough advice. I have been given tough advice, and I was told some just lately. Hard to take, but I needed to hear it. That is the power of the Girlfriend network. The easy advice and helpful hints is fun--but the tough stuff is where we shine. We need to be able to hear it, and give it when necessary.

I was with a bunch of Girlfriends lately, and one gal has one of those husbands that does not help with the kids. It's like a cookie cutter. I can stereotype these guys right away, and the stereotype works! They pressure the wife to have the kids, she is reluctant, she gives in, and husband won't even change a diaper. Where it really grinds is when the Girlfriend wants an evening with her friends, and these exact words (no joke!) come out of his mouth, "Why do I get stuck babysitting?!"

Here was my tough Girlfriend advice to her, "Two things--it isn't babysitting. It's parenting. Second, it shouldn't be considered a chore to spend time with his own kids." I got a few amens for that.

Parenting. Since we become kind of like minded, we now have a network of parents. It's the "it takes a village" concept. I think there is wisdom in that, but Hillary Clinton is not in my network. Girlfriends don't accept adultery from their men. Sorry Hillary! But I digress....

We are great for parenting, hand me downs, play groups, car pools, church functions, potlucks, etc. While our kids are little, the Girlfriend network saves our sanity. So if your Girlfriend network doesn't have kids in it yet, hang in there, they will be coming soon. If you find yourself struggling with little kids, you need to hurry up and get your Girlfriend network together. Look at a playgroup at church, birthing class buddies, etc. This is when we as individuals are fragile and need each other's help. (FG in Southern California, I am talking to you!)

Note--sometimes Girlfriend networks go through a rocky time when the first Girlfriend has a baby. Babies rock our world at home and it can rock the Girlfriend network too. Hang in there! These are you lifetime friends! Don't let hormones and crying babies break up the network.

Men. We are a united front against the bad men. Not all men are bad, and I am not a feminist. I like men, and I like men a lot. But to add to what I started with the whole Hillary thing. We don't accept chronic, long term, destructive, treatment of the Girlfriends. Men, be warned. The Girlfriend network will not help you when that happens. As a Christian, that can be abuse, infidelity, pornography, etc. I am not talking about divorce, and that gets theological with my Girlfriends. I am talking practical. The Girlfriends will provide help and comfort and resources to Girlfriends needing a break from a man--especially if children are involved. Don't mess with the Girlfriends if you have cheated on one of them and she has birthed your babies.

I can't think of anymore right at this moment. But I am sure my Girlfriends who read this blog occasionally will start commenting. Please do! I think this could be fun.