My Name Is....And I Have a Problem

Hello....

This is my first time admitting to this problem although I have felt it coming on for awhile.

I realized this last year I have a problem. My body has been giving me subtle signs that things are amiss. I find myself with the shakes and sweats at night. I can't focus on work. I am irritable with the kids. My husband says he steers clear of me because I have a short temper. I can no longer deny that my problem has far reaching aspects to my life.

As I journey through this admission in my mind, my body is making it clear that I will be going through withdrawal, and there will be consequences. For someone who has been proud of her focus on health and fitness for the last several years, this is a hard pill to swallow. The withdrawal has been difficult to manage at times.

Yes. It's true. For thirty years, I have been addicted to estrogen. Unknowingly and unwillingly. It is now time to admit my problem and face the consequences. Today is a new day and I am ready for the challenge and the future.

Thank you.

Fun Mud Run 2014

Next week....another half marathon...

Another Journey--I'm Sick of Journeys

Why the heck does everything in a woman's life involve a journey? I am so sick of journeys.

And yet, by no choice of my own, I am embarking on another. Menopause. It is this weird thing that happens to us all who have XX chromosomes. We know what it is. Yet it's very unclear.

Technically, I am pre-menopausal. All women are before the plumbing shuts down, technically.

What I have discovered. It's the pre-menopause (or perimenopause) that is the painful journey. Menopause is the prize.

And each journey is incredibly different. If you talk to the girlfriend network, there is no helpful hints because each person is so varied in their experience, health, family history and doctor's advice. Ask anyone of them, when did it start? Deer in the headlights.

I visited the doctor a year ago. She confirmed what I already knew intuitively. I am in the thick of it. No real discernible symptoms that can be measured, but I'm there. Oh, and it's a good thing I am running and watching my health. It'll make the journey smoother. Swell. Does this seem mysterious to you? It is to me too. 

Here's what I know.
 
 * I have no idea when this started, but as I look back, things were changing when I turned 40. I don't know how to describe it, but change was afoot. Nothing calculable can be reported, I just knew.

*This whole thing, in my little being, is starting to become cyclical. I used to notice "things" showing up every now and then. Now it is definitely cyclical and I have noticed this more since the beginning of the year

* My Restless Leg Syndrome (RLS). Gads, I've had that since my early 30's. What is it? It is a fairly common ailment that starts up as one is getting relaxed, like laying down to go to bed. It's is a creepy, crawly, nervy feeling in one's legs. It builds into a tension for about 30-60 seconds to the point where the only relief is to flex your leg muscles--hard--to relieve it. And then you relax. Wait about 60 seconds and it begins again. On really bad nights, there is no break in the flexing and it goes on for hours. It has gotten worse in recent years.  Related to this journey? Doctor isn't sure. I'm convinced it is. It is part of this newly recognized cycle.

* Speaking of trying to sleep while your legs are trying to turn inside out...let's talk about hot flashes. I don't always recognize them and they are infrequent enough that I have a hard time identifying them. Is it hot in here? Well a little. Did I just go up and down the stairs and maybe a little warm from that? Then I feel silly, "Kids, is it hot in here?" When I know I am having them is at night. Again, not frequently, but there is no asking if it is "hot in here". Sweaty pajamas and sheets tell me. I notice the damp sheets and pajamas because I am wide awake tossing and turning from the crazy RLS. Seems the hot flashes and RLS are on the same cycle. I like to use the new pop culture phrase "hot mess" when I am swearing under my breath in the middle of the night about the beating I plan to give Eve.

*Sugar. I have a sweet tooth. Always have. I have managed to keep it under control for three years now. However, there are cyclical moments when it is crazy how much I have gotta have it. Never had this before in my life. I can also pinpoint it in the cycle. I will have the cravings, step back, do some math in my head, and I know it's part of this extra special journey.....that was sarcasm.

* Plumbing that is cyclical in women is still but not quite. It misfires in really inconvenient and alarming ways. How many of us know that friend's cousin who had a "menopause baby"? Babies are always a blessing, but that would be alarming. The misfires are enough to keep life exciting to say the least. Having a few misfires in a woman's plumbing is something that happens all our life, but now it happens more often. Mysterious and difficult to quantify. When it happens, everything is messed up. The sugar-hot flash-sleeplessness-moody-hot mess is Defcon 5 when a misfire is bad. It lasts for about a month, until the next cycle.

*  Coffee. It makes the RLS worse, I've noticed. Used to be impervious to the effects of caffeine, but during certain phases of this cycle I am still figuring out, caffeine from soda make the RLS go into over drive. However, during dormant stages of this weird journey, coffee is what makes me function to offset the ..... (insert next symptom please)

* Sleep. It's elusive. Having a full 6-8 hours of sleep is all I want for Christmas. If it isn't the evil part of the cycle when the RLS has my legs sore from constant flexing and soaked pajamas, then in general, I am not sleeping soundly. If I go too many nights with some serious sleep deprivation, I'll take a Melatonin just to help. So far that seems to be working. I haven't tried it yet on hot mess nights.

* Since there are all kinds of physical changes that happen here that get a bit personal, especially as a married woman. Well. It's on the list too.

It's a bit amazing to make the list. Of all the symptoms the one that has most of my attention right now is the RLS. I am cutting back on caffeine, specifically soda, later in the day and doing some simple things to combat it. In an effort to do this without medications, I am focusing on healthy eating (except when those crazy sugar cravings hit) and running and, for the most part, I feel good. I certainly cannot imagine this special journey when I was overweight and sedentary. The one take away I got from the doctor last year, the diet and exercise help keep the severity of symptoms away.

Well let's hope so.

Yummy Energy Thingies

The kids will probably like too...

Energy Bites

1 cup (dry) oatmeal (I used old-fashioned oats)
2/3 cup toasted coconut flakes
1/2 cup peanut butter
1/2 cup ground flaxseed or wheat germ (I use ground Chia seeds, it's what I had on hand)
1/2 cup chocolate chips (optional)
1/3 cup honey
1 tsp. vanilla extract


Stir all ingredients together in a medium bowl until thoroughly mixed. Let chill in the refrigerator for half an hour. Once chilled, roll into balls of whatever size you would like. I got 16 when I did this. Store in an airtight container and keep refrigerated for up to 1 week. They freeze well.

March 24th, 2013

So, I am kind of addicted to running now. All the things you hear people say they love about running that I have always blown off as "weird".....I love now.

Here is my list:

• I love the quiet time it gives me. It is just me and my brain. No phone, family, voice mail, email, etc.

• I love that it truly keeps me skinny. While I still watch what I eat, if I am running regularly, it truly is a metabolism miracle. I don't have to worry about every little morsel I eat. 

• Running is a stress shredder and I love it, and cherish it. I was working a very stressful temporary job last summer, and most of the time, I found myself wanting to run to relieve the stress rather than for the physical health of it. 

• I love being outdoors.

• I love that even on a day that feels like a "bad run", it's better than no run at all. It's a good run no matter what.

• I love running with my trusty dog. She loves to run with me. We are a great partnership, and I love having her with me.

• I love the amazing muscle tone I have. I am shocked that I have muscles places I never thought running put muscles. Abs and arms? I asked a physical therapist friend how in the world does that work?  I have always had flabby arms and a genetically given "tummy" to the point where I never ever wear clothes tucked in. Ever.

         She asked what I did with my arms while running. Of course I answered,
         swing them in control, and yes, flexing them as I go. What are my abs
         doing? she asks. I  answer they are flexed, staying in control as I twist while
         running and slightly sucked in as I control my breathing. All for about 60
         minutes straight while breathing hard. Surprise! Muscle tone! All over
         muscle tone.

• I love how I feel when I am done.

• I love when I am done I have energy instead of lacking it. 

My next half marathon is set for March 24th, and I am very nervous. I have really been battling health issues this month before the half. I have had a week of chest cold sickness, followed by a week of nasty food poisoning followed by another week of chest cold sickness. It has been impossible to do the ramp up runs one should do before a half marathon.

I went on a five mile run yesterday and it was a struggle. I need to be able to do six to seven miles effortlessly to do this like I did in December. Before the sickies, I was doing six miles, effortlessly, each run, and not even thinking about what the body was doing from moment to moment because it was doing very well. If I could say one thing I dislike about running, it doesn't take much to lose efforts gained, but it also doesn't take much to gain them back. I need to remember, even bad running days are good running days just for the fact I am running and physically fit.

I have had to have some moments of reality as I look at this coming in less than two weeks.
*I am not going to be as physically prepared.
*I will go running every other day until then to get as prepared as possible.
*After my final training run on 3/22, I will have a conversation with myself to see if I have "permission" to walk sections of the race if needed.
*I will not withdraw from the half.
*Any organized races I do....I need to realize they may not all be great. Again, at least I am out there doing it, and running!
*This half marathon will be better if only for one reason.....I won't be pelted with freezing rain.

December 16, 2012

I haven't had a chance to really sit down and get the words out of me. If you know me, you know I set a goal back in about March or April 2012 to run a half marathon before the end of the year. I set the goal to do it around August or September, based upon what I was able to run in April.

Well life got interesting and hectic. August and September both came and went. At about mid-October, I realized while I might be physically ready for it, I may have lost my opportunity to actually do it since fall and winter were fast approaching. Luckily a friend told me about one in December that would truly be one of the last one's of the year to do.

I signed up to do Portland's "Holiday Half". Just a fun, holiday themed run through the city. Not a super competitive, hard core race. Just fun. Perfect. I signed up.

Then I trained, and had actually not really stopped all spring, summer and fall. At about Thanksgiving I was fighting my body trying to keep it well.  I declared myself ready about two weeks before. However, I had never actually run 13.2 miles, I had come comfortably close.

Race day. It was cold that morning, and there was no parking and I knew that. But it became a factor. My husband dropped me off super early. We had made arrangements to meet along the route and then at the end of the race.

As you can see by the picture, not only did the day start out cold, it continued. By the last three miles, the rain was coming down fairly briskly and it was cold. Like little razor blades on my face, and it sucked the energy right out of me. The picture below is at about mile ten or eleven, and I am struggling. My legs are tight and I am just plain cold. Lungs were doing well, it was my leg muscles that were dying.


As I crossed the finish line, I was proud of several things. I did it! I absolutely did it! I didn't stop and I didn't walk once during the race. I felt great emotionally! I teared up a bit and it surprised me. This was a huge accomplishment for me and it all rushed to me what I had done.

I started looking around....no husband....no kids.....didn't see them on the route. And I was cold. Very cold. My clothes are soaked and I am shaking uncontrollably.....that kind of cold. There is no shelter. I had my cell phone with me to track the race, and I had about 2% charge left on it. I know enough about hypothermia, I knew I needed help out of there. Fast.

Call the husband. He didn't expect me to finish that soon. He's way back on the route. Nice compliment! Doesn't help the immediate need right now. I needed warmth, now. I got on a race-provided shuttle bus and took a ride to an overflow parking lot and told the husband to meet me there. That got us away from the crowd so we could find each other easier. More importantly, it got me on a slightly warm bus. I got off the bus, phone dies, husband pulls up, I get in, kids hand me a protein drink. and home we go.

I did it!!

The pics with the kids were at home. What you can't see....I am still shivering uncontrollably. It was a long shower, a long nap, and three blankets that finally took the chill out.

Reflective Thought

I had a poopy day today. Bottom line.

I won't talk about that, because it's over and the less thought I put into it the faster it will become a fleeting memory.

As I have been working so hard to keep this old carcass of mine in shape and healthy, I find myself thinking less and less what it looks like and more and more how it's functioning. People around me remind me what it looks like.

I had the thought yesterday, and it put it all in perspective for me, I think I want to hang onto it a little bit more than other thoughts so I will post it here for reference. Here it is:

If you take care of it.....it will be beautiful.

Using Apps for Health

This weekend, after a very strong 8.5 mile run that was very comfortable; I have declared myself ready for my half marathon scheduled in three weeks. Two years ago when I started my focus on fitness and health, I couldn't run up stairs without breathing hard. Now, I can run a mile in 9-10 minutes and not move my blood pressure. 

I have said this before, and I'll say it again, if you want to try something like what I have done....start with what you know historically has worked for you in the past. Not just had some ehhh kind of results but solid, good results. Calorie counting works for me, so I do it.

Then have some fun and take it into the modern world, and use apps! If you have a device of any kind practically (Droid, iPhone, iPad, iPod, Kindle, Samsung Galaxy, etc) you can use all of the apps I am about to tell you about. I am also a big believer that there are so many good, free apps out there, this shouldn't cost you anything.

So what if you are thinking to yourself, "It would be nice if there was a thing that could clock how many times I look at the moon today." I am not kidding, there is some truth to the cliche' "there's an app for that." I found these two apps simply by searching for them in my app store on my device. There are health apps out there for yoga poses and setting up a routine. There are apps for specific workouts and tracking/timing them. Apps for bulk up diets for body builders. I am not kidding, the health apps out there, most being free, are better than any commercial offering a pill to block fat. Blocking fat is easy, don't eat it. Getting it off your body, that is hard! And yet, there is an app for getting fat off your body. Here are the two I use. 

January 2011, I have had weight loss success with calorie counting using a pen and paper. This time, I did calorie counting on an app called MyFitnessPal. Don't have a smart device? Login on their website at myfitnesspal.com and start that way. It is a free app. It has an amazing database of restaurants and brand name foods. Just punch in Kraft macaroni, and instantly you know your calories. It also has a scanner on it. I have had the fun of standing at Starbucks, picked up a package of nuts, scanned the bar-code, and instantly those calories are logged for the day. I can honestly say, I could not have achieved what I have achieved without this app.

So I lose a bunch of weight and decide in January 2012 to start running. I find that as I start this little venture into a sport, I want to know information. How far did I just run? Was it a good pace? I found myself taking a walk/run, then taking the car out to find out the distance I had just run. And all I would know at that point, was distance.

Yep, there's an app for this as well. There are lots of apps for this. If you own an Apple product, you might have Nike+ already installed on your device. Since I had a Droid at the time, I just started looking in my app market and found Endomondo. To use these sorts of apps, you need a smart phone plan of some kind. You need the GPS to be able to follow you around as you run/walk your little feet off. I got the free version of Endomondo and later upgraded and paid the $4 for the enhanced version. Both are fine.

One nice feature with Endomondo, it is not running specific. You punch in your are walking, roller skating, biking, skiing, kayaking, tennis, rugby, etc. I kid you not, the list of sports it will track for you is amazing, and not specific to running. You just need to start the app when you're starting your sport, attach your device to you and go play. It will clock your distance and calories burned when you are done and click stop. Because it has such a library of sports, it does a much better job of tracking workouts than MyFitnessPal.

Cool new feature with these apps now? They can now sync. I punch in a run on Endomondo, and it will sync with MyFitnessPal and log in that exercise and calories burned. I play a rugby match (ain't happening, but for an example) and it will log the results on Endomondo AND MyFitnessPal.

Another interesting, albeit expensive, app I just read about today. A personal coach wristband device that clocks everything you do all day and gives you feedback. Click here to read this interesting article. I am not sure I want to plunk down $150 for this device. However, I can see this kind of device coming down in price in the next few years. I also see this as a great thing for those folks who don't have time to pay attention to their health because of their level of job stress or lifestyle. We all know people who say something like, "The day got so hectic I haven't eaten since last night." And they wonder why they are exhausted and strung out on coffee. It might be good for this little electronic personal coach to give them a reminder to eat something, drink water, move around, etc. especially if they have health concerns and want to start taking control of them.

So what kinds of numbers do I track on my two apps? I track my daily calories and I track my distance/calories burned while running. I track calories because if I don't very slowly bad habits creep in. Larger portion sizes, thinking little "snacks" are zero calories, etc. And suddenly I am getting larger and discouraged. For myself, I must keep track of this. Since I am wanting to complete a half marathon, I want to work up my distance and keep track of those numbers.

Why is this a big deal to me? When I see commercials for diet pills, gadgets, plans, and potions, it frustrates me. Weight loss/health shouldn't cost as much as these pills/gadgets and a little pill never fixed an entire problem. Losing weight and getting healthy is about making significant lifestyle changes, and you need to ask yourself if you are willing to do that. 

My doctor gave me good words to live by in this little two year journey, "It's all about the numbers. How much is coming into your body and how much is going out. Forget the fat, sugar, proteins, etc. At the end of the day it boils down to have you expended the same amount of fuel you have taken in." Once you have that in line, then start paying attention to eating protein, laying off sugar, avoiding fat, etc.

Plus I will say this. I have heard it from three friends just this week. Counting calories doesn't work for them. Try this. Count your calories, 1200, for a month without weighing yourself. Period. Nothing else. Just focus on the calories for a month. No cheating on two things; food intake or weighing in. If you haven't lost weight, then yes, go see your doctor. You can't count calories for three days and have weight loss that will make you happy. I promise. Count that month as your trial period for the significant lifestyle change I hinted at above. Can you do it for a month? Can you do it for two months? Then yes you can. Plus, bottom line; you can do anything you want. It's your body, your health. 

Tell me more about the fun apps you use for your health! Be sure to post your comment telling us the app, its features and what makes it work so well for you.