On the way to school today...

We are listening to Radio Disney. They have these little sound bites where kids say what makes their family special. One kid says today that what makes her family so special is that her parents adopted her when she was seven, and that is very cool to her.

I knew it. JM pipes up, "That is cool! I know what I would say if I could be on the radio."

Me: What would you say?

JM: I would say my little brother was born in XYZ state and I was born in ABC state.

Me: You could also say what that girl said, and that you are adopted, and that is pretty cool.

JM: I could! That's right. Who else is adopted? Is anyone in my class adopted?

Me: No, you're the only one (when he was in 4 year old preschool, no joking, half the class was adopted). That makes you special.

JM: Maybe I should tell them I am adopted. (Think about that for a second)

Me: I think they already know buddy.

JM: How do you know?

Me: I have told your teacher, she knows, and I know I have talked to a few other moms about it.

JM: That is pretty cool.

Kids don't see race like adults do! I think this is so amazing! Now, JM knows that he is African American (AA) and so is his little brother. He knows my hubbie and I are Caucasian. What is hasn't gotten yet is that kids usually look more like their parents than in our family. He hasn't caught that yet. He told me that he will have some adoption questions for me after school today. I'll let you know how that goes.

Is it just me?

Okay, I love reality kinds of TV. I love "Forensic Files", "Dirty Jobs", "Ghost Hunters", "Lock Down", "Critical Situation", etc. All those kinds of documentary style shows, that don't follow a story line, but we're also not competing for who can dance better than Marie Osmond.

I just watched "Lock Down" on National Geographic last night. Here is my simple opinion of incarceration. I don't think it's difficult, but after watching shows like this time and time again, it seems to be confusing. For me prison is not for rehabilitation. It is justice. It is punishment to serve justice to those who have been victims of those who are incarcerated.

Let me give you some background of an inmate I thought was a friend years ago. Her name is MP. Middle aged woman alleges she accidentally killed her husband when she was trying to commit suicide by shooting herself in the head. He tried to intervene, and she accidentally shot him in the scuffle. She served eight years for a manslaughter/second degree murder type of a charge, and she has been released. From what little I can find of the trial, it seems that is the basic scenario.

I really enjoyed visiting with her until we had a major disagreement in the end where she was forcing me to believe a lie. That is a huge, icky story. Conclusion to that is this--she contacted me a few years ago after being released. I simply asked her for an explanation of the lie, she couldn't do it. She sent me pages and pages and pages of emails telling me about everything else about being incarcerated. She just couldn't fess up to the fact that she tried to get me to believe a huge lie, and to this day still hasn't accepted responsibility for that. It wasn't just a little white lie either folks. It was huge, psychotic, slanderous, and also revealed to me she had a very different inside than she was presenting to me in letters and visits.

Here are my bullets on my experience visiting her in the California maximum prison system:

1) I brushed elbows with Susan Atkins, one of Charles Manson's "girls". That was eerie! Click here to read about her. Yes, it was in the visiting area of the California Institute for Women (CIW) that I saw her. It is pictured above. As I would walk around with MP, so would Susan and her husband. Yes, at a maximum security prison, we visited in a room very much like a cafeteria sitting across from tables from each other. There was also a little yard where we would basically walk laps or sit at picnic tables. All tables were coffee table height so we couldn't pass things underneath, but for maximum security, I was amazed I wasn't talking through glass using a phone.

By the way, Susan will never ever be paroled. Her victim was an heir to the Folger's (as in coffee) fortune. That Folgers estate has a knack for adding wings, fences, etc. to the facilities at CIW. There are other Manson women housed at CIW but I never saw them.

2) If you are visiting an inmate, you are treated like one by the guards. I am not complaining, it was my choice to visit there. But there is definitely a feeling of being shamed by guards for even being there to visit people.

3) Inmates act completely differently on the inside than they do with their buddies who visit them. I found out that MP did that to me to an extent. Although others certainly deceived worse than MP (ie lesbian relationships, illegal activities, etc), she deceived me nonetheless. MP would point out inmates to me who were visiting with their kids and husbands, yet carrying on a secret lesbian relationship while not visiting with the family.

4) On more than one occasion I felt myself getting mad at listening to the "victim mentality". How hard it was to be an inmate, how badly they treat you, etc.

As I watch "Lock Down", I hear the same complaining. Here is where I get miffed.

Okay, so an inmate doesn't have great holidays, they are estranged from their children, they have their things rifled through constantly, they have lousy meals, the health care is so so, etc. I agree! It's lousy! It's prison folks! It's all the same complaints.

I am sure that MP's victim's family wished they could spend Christmas with their lost family member. I am sure his children from a previous marriage feel their loss a little more than MP does of her kids. I am sure that an inmate's loss is nothing compared to what the victim's feel. Putting murder aside, how about the convenience store clerk in our area that was shot and is now on a ventilator, and immobile. He isn't dead, but the losses his family is feeling seems a lot more important than having a bad meal.

I have a sense of justice for the victim's. If a crime is committed, there needs to be recompense/punishment for it. I am not for rehabilitation, or at the very least rehabilitation is very secondary. I get really angry when I hear of identity thieves who have shattered people's life savings and robbed for hundreds of thousands of dollars--getting less than a year in jail. It happens where I live. I get really angry when a convicted pedophile/child molester on death row in my state, gets freed on a technicality. Click here for that travesty. The old cliche definitely holds here--where is the justice?

If I ever intentionally inflict this kind of harm, I know I will have a hardened, criminalized heart. I will be defensive and selfish. But once that veneer is gone, I will also sit quietly in my cell and accept my punishment. I can say that because I am on this side of the bars, I know.

But I hear of it all the time. Did you completely read Susan Atkin's bio at the link above? She isn't fighting and appealing and raising a ruckus. She has become a Christian, accepted that she committed a horrifying crime, and knows her life on this earth will be in a prison cell. She has accepted her punishment. Hypothetically, if I am ever in that position (I am always mindful of the saying 'but by the grace of God go I'), I hope I am that accepting. I think true justice is when the perpetrator says "I deserve this, I will accept my punishment." Then goes about proving that statement by never filing an appeal as well as not committing crimes while incarcerated. That is the proof of true justice to me.

What is the adverse of that? Check out MP's website. Click here. Now, I am not unsympathetic. I know she had a very difficult childhood, adulthood, drug addiction and incarceration. But she also killed a man, and for that she should be punished, and was.

Yet, she is still complaining. She was beaten in prison once, and for that I am incredibly sympathetic. But her husband died. Prison is not supposed to be fun. Plus, if all inmates, in a perfect world, calmed down and accepted their punishment, maybe crime wouldn't continue to happen in prison. She thinks it's unfair that happened to her? Let's chat with her husband's family and see what their opinion of "fair" is.

I guess what my point to all of this is, I am more sympathetic to her husband. At least MP's family can see her, have holidays with her, etc. His family has nothing except knowing he died horribly. What about the freed child molester/killer? How does that child's parents feel? I would be so angry, for so long, I can't imagine. Keep in mind, he confessed to doing it! At least MP served her time. There was no justice for the molester/killer's victims.

When a crime is committed, there needs to be justice. I tune out the complaining quite a bit.

Crime and punishment. Not crime and rehabilitation.

More Brain Fuzz

Are you feeling it? The post holiday blah. I won't call it blues, because it isn't that. It's just blah. As a result, the random thoughts are kind of everywhere right now. Here are some of the latest:

* Who decides when holidays are? I know it's based on when the moon does this, the equinox does this, and somebody sneezes in Taiwan. But who actually sits down and looks at the year 2012 and decides that Thanksgiving will be on this day, and to let all the calendar printing people know? I think that is interesting.

* I love Santana's new song in collaboration with Chad Kroger, lead singer of Nickelback. Oh my word, I love that song. Great pick me up song. I hope they collaborate again soon. It's called "Into the Night". It's just now starting to get some decent air time.

* I have a treadmill! I have wanted one for a long time. Craigslist is my friend!

* Why does the UPS delivery person have to ring the doorbell and pound on the door? By the time I reach the door, they are gone. Why? Just leave it there. I'll find it when my mailman comes tip toeing up the porch.

* I predict that Britney Spears will be diagnosed bipolar within a few months. That is assuming someone can get her in front of a therapist long enough for a diagnosis. I am realizing how much her family is trying to save her from herself, but can't because she is not a minor. Dr. Phil posted on his site today that he has cancelled the show on her and how to address adult family members who are spiraling down. Very little resources for those family members, and I feel for them. Even I was frustrated that her seventy two hour hold was only twenty four hours.

* The three kinds of commercials I am sick of watching this time of year 1) Diet pills/programs and equipment. I am sick of Bowflex ads. 2) Year end car clearance. If I could afford a Lexus I still wouldn't buy one because cars are not assets. 3) Debt relief programs that really just want to help me. Oh please! They just want to transfer my debt to them so they can get my interest payment.

* At the end of this month daffodils will be pushing through the ground in my area of the planet. I need some hope that this icky winter won't continue. Peeking daffodils sound very nice right about now.

* My oldest kid is loving doing math flashcards! How cool is that?

* My youngest kid loves the oldest kid's Leapster game. It's basically a Gameboy but with very educational games, like math and reading. You have to solve a problem to get to a next level. That little kid is beating all of us!

* Potty training, just keep on keeping on. When I say blah, that may be where a lot of that is coming from. Have had some accidents. Lots of success. Even some interest in the "big boy potty". Even trying to join Dad and big brother in the bedtime final bathroom trip where only boys are allowed. Let's hope that curbs the accidents.

* Business is picking up. I need it to! Bills need to be paid! Wanna order some candles?

* I am out of batteries because of all the new toys the kids got for Christmas. It took me and a parent from my kid's school today to remember how to put new batteries in the Leapster. It isn't obvious.

* Note to the girlfriend network. Since this officer in Illinois has the heat on him for possibly killing his wife, who hasn't been found yet, I have noticed a disturbing trend. Couples with the last name of Peterson. First we had Scott Peterson. He sat in his home with the paparazzi surrounding him just hoping no one would find the body. Now we have this weirdo in Illinois on his third underage wife who is now mysteriously missing. Last name? Peterson. And the attitude of the husband's are so similar, smug, overly confident and weird. Plus the wives names are so similar, Laci and Stacey. Women that have a first name ending with the "ie" sound need to think twice before dating/marrying a Peterson. (Irony here!)

* My daily blah question to myself, what do I make for dinner tonight??

I Love the Discovery Channel

I think I am hooked on almost every show on that channel now! I just watched "It Takes A Thief" for the second time. I also almost had a heart attack. Click here if you want to see the website for the show. Check out the bios of the hosts. They are pros that have come to their senses.

The premise, two former professional burglars stake out a real house. One of them, Matt, approaches the home owner(s) to see if they are game to letting the other guy, Jon, actually burglarize their home. In exchange, they get a swanky security makeover--their house gets cleaned up and they get all of their stuff back. Then in a few weeks Matt and Jon come back unannounced to see if the homeowners have actually used the new security measures and are vigilant in locking doors, windows, and turning on the alarm. So far in the few episodes I have watched, I cringe at how absolutely lax and cavalier people are about the security of their home. Aside here, Jon looks a lot like the guy on "Man vs Wild"--one show I haven't watched and don't want to get hooked on. I don't need another show, what I need is a DVR.

Some more history here. We brought home our second child right after the 4th of July in 2005. On Friday, July 15th, like 10 days later, we were burglarized, badly. It was the bad version of the show. We had been at some friends house, and came home at about 10 pm with a sleepy boy and new baby. Open the front door, and the entire living had been ransacked, just like the show. The entry point was our kid's bedroom where a window was popped open. How callous are these people? They had to jump over a baby's changing table, jump on the bed, and go. There were huge footprints on both the bed and the table. Plus, they jumped so hard on the bed, it blew the castor wheels right off. But the ransacking was identical to the show. Things yanked out of cabinets and shelves recklessly and heartlessly. It was horrifying.

As a parent, it was a defining moment. As soon as we opened the door, and realized what happened, I dropped everything and called 911 right on our front porch. Then I realized I have a then four year old standing right next to me with saucers for eyes, and everything I said and did at that moment would shape his understanding of this event. I needed to tread lightly and maturely when what I really wanted to do was smash my cell phone on the cement and swear like a sailor. I will never forget that moment of forcing myself to be cheery, calm and nice, while completely mad, panicked and scared at the same time.

Our home is small. The thief spent most of his time in two rooms. Our living room and dining room. He emptied two book bags, just like in the show, and walked out of our home with $3,000.00 worth of stuff. All the easy to sell stuff. Laptop, digital camera, all the DVD's and CD's. That was it! I would post a picture of the aftermath, but can't. We didn't have a camera for quite some time after that.

Now, how did we feel? The personal side is this--that digital camera still had all the photos on it from when we adopted BH just a few weeks before. Gone. All the DVD's were kid's DVD's (again, very calloused thief--they don't care!) Gone. They left all the VHS movies, though. All the CD's my husband and I have collected since before we were married, some are no longer in print. Gone. One of the bags stolen was monogrammed by my company for me. It meant a lot to me, and is irreplaceable. Plus, the absolutely eerie feeling that someone has been in your house and in your stuff. It was 10 pm, we had to go to bed, and that didn't happen that night. We were traumatized.

Instead of sleeping, while we waited for the cop to arrive, we sat on the porch and watched the stars and the moon with JM. It was my effort to make this a non-traumatic event. My neighbor from across the street came over and joined us.

The cop came, more about him later. He called the CSI guy to dust for fingerprints and he came at about 2 am. Let me tell you this--the guy the police send in the middle of the night to dust for prints does not look like Marg Helgenberger! There is a reason these folks work in the middle of the night! He found no prints at all, and said he truly thought the dude was probably wearing gloves because there were several good, glassy surfaces that he would have definitely touched (ie window sill) and no prints were there.

Blessings?? None of our personal information was gone, yet was quite readily accessible. No bills, checkbooks, ID's, statements, passports, birth certificates, etc. Thank the Lord!

We were lax in our security, but not as bad as the two shows I have seen on Discovery. I have to the thank the police officer who came who gave us some really cheap suggestions in how to secure our home. We called a friend the next day to replace locks, put lag bolts on windows so they only open 6 inches, security screen doors, and some extra dead bolt locks, which we already had. He also suggestive a dog. A bellowing barking dog is a great deterrent. Two weeks later we had our dog.

Since then, we have installed a security system. We got a blessing of a deal on that. Some door to door guy came to my door saying he was giving away systems as a promotion. I told him I didn't believe him. It was true, the whole system is free, we just have to pay the monthly fee. It also has a remote type of system. So if I accidentally set the system off, which I have, there is a speaker where an operator says out loud to me "Hello. I need your security code immediately." It's like OnStar in my house. I also have an alarm code. So if something is happening right now in my house that I need the police right now, no questions asked, I hit those numbers and the police are dispatched right away. The scenario for that would be, I am coming in my home, bad guy comes up behind me and pushes his way in, but the alarm is going off. Obviously he tells me to turn it off. I use that code, it turns it off, and the police are also called.

My husband also locks up his laptop in our house. It is attached to super heavy furniture, like our roll top desk, when he isn't using. it. You have to lock stuff up in your house. That show really shows this well.

Also, shred everything. The cop said, "I know all the experts say you need to keep a copy of your bills for like a year. Nonsense. You can always request a copy and most utilities have online copies. Shred them as soon as you see they are received. Envelopes and all."

I also like that the show talks about deterrents. Our barking dog is a deterrent. The alarm sticker on my windows are deterrents. My super prickly tree by the window by my computer is a deterrent. In fact, the show I just watched, they used the exact same stickery bush in the makeover. I like it, I hate pruning it. I am sure that bush is what made the crown of thorns on Jesus, I am not kidding!

Motion sensitive lights are a nice deterrent. Our bad guy got into our house basically because at night, our backyard is pitch black. It is easy to sneak around there undetected. A new socket and lightbulb now sets off a motion sensitive light both in our backyard and our garage area.

Until we can afford to do a full replacement of our rickety windows, we have definitely used the deterrents that were suggested to us. Honestly, someone could break into our home again, easily. But there are enough deterrents I think that they would be more inclined to go to the next house. I hate to do that to our neighbors, but most of them have the same deterrents now as well.

I recommend that show! You may not be able to afford all the goodies they do in the makeover, but you can certainly get some great ideas from the easy fixes. I certainly don't want what happened to us to happen to anyone else. In the show, they get their stuff back, we didn't. And the police can't do a thing for you except fill out the police report for your insurance.

Good Movie!

We dusted off our Netflix movies last night. The writer's strike has put a damper on evening television, have you noticed?

Anyway, we decided not to watch "Flicka" or "Scooby Doo". We'll watch "Flicka" tonight with the kids, and "Scooby Doo" is going back.

We watched "Capote". I can absolutely see why Philip Seymour Hoffman won the Academy for this. I still laugh my head off when I think of him in the scene in "Along Came Polly" where he describes "sharded". What a vastly different character that was!)

A few years ago, we read the book "In Cold Blood" in my book club, and I was a loser that month and didn't read it. Now I want to so bad! The movie is Truman Capote's journey to writing the book about a quadruple murder in Kansas. He can't finish the book until the case is finished, and the process pretty much finished him. He never wrote another book after that. You have to see the process of Truman's demise writing this incredibly difficult book about an incredibly difficult murder.

I also think Truman Capote didn't realize his book would start the whole genre of "True Crime" books. You know, those books that give kind of a biographical view of a crime, the players, the ending, etc. Ann Rule is a huge true crime novelist. You can also watch Court TV, now Tru TV, and see "Murder By the Book". Those are almost all true crime novelists. Thank you, Truman Capote.

One thing I appreciate as well--no explicit violence. Because this was a horrendous murder case, I just knew the opening scenes would be people being slaughtered. I just don't have the stomach for that. Slight, implied violence towards the end of the movie as the perpetrator is flashing back to the scene. The only thing about this movie, a few F bombs. I couldn't believe it! The subject matter is certainly not for kids by any stretch, but for an R rated movie I was pleasantly surprised at how I didn't have to cover my eyes and put aside my hate for constant, gratuitous swearing.

I recommend it! Plus, if you are a movie buff, like me, and haven't seen a movie in awhile, this is one to choose.