I might seem absent....because I am.
T minus thirty six hours and counting.....my husband coming back from being gone since Tuesday.
Why? He makes an annual pilgrimage to Scotland to meet with his PhD advisor. I am hoping this is one of the last times he makes this journey. He is on the home stretch of his doctorate degree, and I can't wait!
But more importantly, I can't wait for several things.
Here is my list of what I am looking forward to:
* Not being interrupted while taking a shower. I waited until really late last night (like past midnight) to take a shower, and I still got a little sleepy face poking into the shower asking me for milk.
* A break.
* Not wondering what every bump in the night I hear is. Wondering why the motion detector lights keep going off in the middle of the night. Security in general feels better with hubbie home. Although I have turned on the alarm so that we are safe inside while sleeping.
* To go to the grocery store. I know, I could go with the kids. But right now, three year old is really bad in public. It's a stage, and it shall pass, but it's hideous.
* Eating something other than peanut butter and jelly, macaroni and cheese, or tuna sandwiches. The kid fare is getting old.
* Having back up when I hit my wits end.
What I have enjoyed this week:
* Watching whatever I want on TV. I have no clue what is happening on the NFL and don't care to find out.
* Putting kids to bed at their actual bedtime, not when hubbie feels like it. No one is sleep deprived this week except me.
* Why? Because I am also catching up on my movies! "PS I Love You" is in the player waiting for me right now.
* I have the whole queen bed to myself including the covers. Except for the cat.
* I have an awesome friend who watched the kids for a couple of hours today, and it was great! I got a whole bunch of work done that has piled up. I ran a bunch of errands. It will make it easier to sleep tonight knowing a few things got checked off the urgent list.
* I am also planning a trip with the kids to the pumpkin patch tomorrow, weather permitting. Should be fun, and should also burn off the ants that have accumulated in two little boy's pants.
* I don't know if this counts, but it got done, and it needed to get done. Feels good to get it done. I cleaned out the chicken coop today. I know, gross. But with some recent rains, it needed to get done, and the chickens seemed relieved too. Now, I hope they reward me by laying some eggs soon!
Sigh.....my movie is calling.
Oct 10, 2008
Oct 8, 2008
A State of Affairs
Some of my long time blog followers will remember that I have talked about a friend of mine who was diagnosed bipolar a little over a year ago. There was one day when she called me ready to commit suicide. I got her to her counselor who then diagnosed her pretty much over the phone. In the last year, my friend has gone to the emergency room countless times with feelings of being out of control, suicidal, helplessness, extreme anxiety, etc. Not much effective help has come from that at all. In fact, several times she was told to not go because they couldn't help her. She asked for a specific type of therapy she knew she needed and was told "You're not bad enough, there are several people ahead of you more urgent."
Well, much has changed, and I got an update a few days ago. It all came to a head about six weeks ago. Not only was she suicidal again, but attempted it, and was in the ICU for eight days on life support. Why did she do it? Not for the reasons you might think. Given the logic she was told countless times, she attempted suicide to get the help she needed. "I was tired of hurting so much, and if it took a suicide attempt to get the help (she knows this was twisted thinking) I did it. It was the only option given to me by mental health doctors." Shocked me to death to have her standing in front of me yesterday telling me everything and completely healthy, physically.
She also thought it would be a stomach pumping and it would be over. Hollywood does it again. People come into NBC's Thursday night "ER" and get their stomach pumped, right? No. She almost died. Period. My friend actually was joking with the paramedic about whether she would be conscious by the time they reached the ER, and she barely won the bet. She remembers seeing the doors open and the overhead lights. I think that was a very smart paramedic.
For sure, without God, she would not be with us today. Her attempt was pretty serious, and had not a few things been done correctly, she would have succeeded.
Here is what we know. She actually isn't bipolar. BUT--because she was put on antidepressants years and years ago, she exhibited bipolar symptoms. She was never suicidal until she was on antidepressants. Sound familiar? One of the biggest concerns about antidepressants, especially in teens (she was a teen [18] when first given antidepressants) is that is can cause severe suicidal thoughts. As she got older, that was what the professionals kept doing, messing with her antidepressants.
I have always said all along, I think her problem is her childhood. Her childhood has been marked by nothing but abuse. When she was in college, it was her testimony in court that put her abuser in prison. For that alone, I give her a medal for bravery. I have always believed she needs to sit down and sort out her childhood. She has a lot of loss, anger, grief, resentment, etc. that is unresolved. But who am I?
Well, turns out this suicide attempt gave the professionals a wake up call. She is not bipolar. She is PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). What does that mean? It means lots of really misplaced anxiety because of past trauma. Because of past stuff (soldiers who have seen war have this as well) your mind can't handle, it disassociates. It goes somewhere else to handle the trauma of here and now. Problem is, once the trauma is gone, your mind is still back there. When a current trauma comes, like the rent is due now (it can be simple), or a friend betrays you, or a boss yells at you, your mind copes with that by using the past disassociative mechanism. Also, anything little begins to stress you out because you become afraid of the anxiety attacks that also come with being disassociative. And yet, you don't know where it comes from. It's quite stressful.
Very different than an organic brain disorder, like bipolar. So my friend is finally in a therapy that will reteach her how to deal with anxiety in the here and now. Once she is strong, her next step in therapy is to dig back to the past, pull it out, lay it on the table, take it apart, lay it before God, get angry, sad and mad, and deal with it. She will also have the opportunity to do for herself what no one else has done, nurture that little girl who had no one to nurture her. She will bring the past to the present, and reassociate what has been disassociated.
I have been through a simpler version of this kind of therapy, and I am a huge advocate for it. It deals with the root issue, instead throwing meds at it. You can see the tragic results when things are misdiagnosed.
You also know that I have a friend who is definitely diagnosed bipolar. So, I give you the above story not to scare anyone, not to say one thing is better than the other, etc. But if we talked to my bipolar friend, I think we might find her with a few frustrations at mental health care that is offered to the average Joe. It is frightening to me how once my suicidal friend got into the mental health system, she just became a number.
Where are we now? She is very encouraged that she has a plan for recovery from PTSD, and won't be white-knuckling it anymore after several years of pretty much feeling the need to die. I see a huge difference in her, and I thought she was bipolar! Why? Because the meds she was on exhibited that! It's interesting to see her now, calm, hopeful, purposeful, setting goals, etc.
I know this a honeymoon stage for her right now of having a brush with death, the really hard work of dealing with her past will kick her down again soon enough. She has had a crappy 6 years, it has been nice to see her happy. She deserves it, and I will be there for her when the crappy work begins. Lord bless her!
Well, much has changed, and I got an update a few days ago. It all came to a head about six weeks ago. Not only was she suicidal again, but attempted it, and was in the ICU for eight days on life support. Why did she do it? Not for the reasons you might think. Given the logic she was told countless times, she attempted suicide to get the help she needed. "I was tired of hurting so much, and if it took a suicide attempt to get the help (she knows this was twisted thinking) I did it. It was the only option given to me by mental health doctors." Shocked me to death to have her standing in front of me yesterday telling me everything and completely healthy, physically.
She also thought it would be a stomach pumping and it would be over. Hollywood does it again. People come into NBC's Thursday night "ER" and get their stomach pumped, right? No. She almost died. Period. My friend actually was joking with the paramedic about whether she would be conscious by the time they reached the ER, and she barely won the bet. She remembers seeing the doors open and the overhead lights. I think that was a very smart paramedic.
For sure, without God, she would not be with us today. Her attempt was pretty serious, and had not a few things been done correctly, she would have succeeded.
Here is what we know. She actually isn't bipolar. BUT--because she was put on antidepressants years and years ago, she exhibited bipolar symptoms. She was never suicidal until she was on antidepressants. Sound familiar? One of the biggest concerns about antidepressants, especially in teens (she was a teen [18] when first given antidepressants) is that is can cause severe suicidal thoughts. As she got older, that was what the professionals kept doing, messing with her antidepressants.
I have always said all along, I think her problem is her childhood. Her childhood has been marked by nothing but abuse. When she was in college, it was her testimony in court that put her abuser in prison. For that alone, I give her a medal for bravery. I have always believed she needs to sit down and sort out her childhood. She has a lot of loss, anger, grief, resentment, etc. that is unresolved. But who am I?
Well, turns out this suicide attempt gave the professionals a wake up call. She is not bipolar. She is PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). What does that mean? It means lots of really misplaced anxiety because of past trauma. Because of past stuff (soldiers who have seen war have this as well) your mind can't handle, it disassociates. It goes somewhere else to handle the trauma of here and now. Problem is, once the trauma is gone, your mind is still back there. When a current trauma comes, like the rent is due now (it can be simple), or a friend betrays you, or a boss yells at you, your mind copes with that by using the past disassociative mechanism. Also, anything little begins to stress you out because you become afraid of the anxiety attacks that also come with being disassociative. And yet, you don't know where it comes from. It's quite stressful.
Very different than an organic brain disorder, like bipolar. So my friend is finally in a therapy that will reteach her how to deal with anxiety in the here and now. Once she is strong, her next step in therapy is to dig back to the past, pull it out, lay it on the table, take it apart, lay it before God, get angry, sad and mad, and deal with it. She will also have the opportunity to do for herself what no one else has done, nurture that little girl who had no one to nurture her. She will bring the past to the present, and reassociate what has been disassociated.
I have been through a simpler version of this kind of therapy, and I am a huge advocate for it. It deals with the root issue, instead throwing meds at it. You can see the tragic results when things are misdiagnosed.
You also know that I have a friend who is definitely diagnosed bipolar. So, I give you the above story not to scare anyone, not to say one thing is better than the other, etc. But if we talked to my bipolar friend, I think we might find her with a few frustrations at mental health care that is offered to the average Joe. It is frightening to me how once my suicidal friend got into the mental health system, she just became a number.
Where are we now? She is very encouraged that she has a plan for recovery from PTSD, and won't be white-knuckling it anymore after several years of pretty much feeling the need to die. I see a huge difference in her, and I thought she was bipolar! Why? Because the meds she was on exhibited that! It's interesting to see her now, calm, hopeful, purposeful, setting goals, etc.
I know this a honeymoon stage for her right now of having a brush with death, the really hard work of dealing with her past will kick her down again soon enough. She has had a crappy 6 years, it has been nice to see her happy. She deserves it, and I will be there for her when the crappy work begins. Lord bless her!
Oct 6, 2008
Fabulous Family Pumpkin Recipe
2 C flour
2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp ground cloves
1/4 tsp ginger
1 1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp allspice
2 C sugar
4 eggs
1 C vegetable oil
2 C canned pumpkin
1 C All Bran cereal
1 C semi sweet chocolate chips
1 C coarsely chopped nuts (optional)
2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp ground cloves
1/4 tsp ginger
1 1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp allspice
2 C sugar
4 eggs
1 C vegetable oil
2 C canned pumpkin
1 C All Bran cereal
1 C semi sweet chocolate chips
1 C coarsely chopped nuts (optional)
Sift together flour, baking powder, soda, salt, spices and sugar. Set aside. In a large mixing bowl, beat eggs until foamy. Add pumpkin, vegetable oil, and All Bran. Mix well. Add dry ingredients, mixing only until combined. Stir in chocolate chips, and nuts. Spread evenly in two ungreased 10 by 4 loaf pans. Bake at 350 degrees for about an hour and 10 minutes, or until wooden toothpicks inserted in center come out clean. Cool completely before removing from pans.
Ummm...YUM! Honestly, you won't even taste the All Bran, I promise!
Oct 3, 2008
And so far!
I know, I have been a blogging idiot this week. It's been eventful!
Okay, we just did a huge round of unit testing with JM. After three weeks of learning about plants, geography, math and language arts, we had a little series of tests that we submitted. You remember the fiasco a week or so ago regarding the math test, and how JM melted down because he heard me say the word "test".
Learned my lesson! So, for the science test, I pulled it up on the laptop and casually asked, "Hey, JM, what part of a plant is in the soil?" He answered correctly. "What part of the plant holds up the plant?" And so on. And yes, he scored 100%. A little later, I showed him his score, and of course he was baffled about when he took the test. I explained to him I was giving him the test when I was asking the questions earlier. His eyes bugged. He was so proud of his score, and subsequent scores he got in other topics. I told him, I honestly wouldn't let him take a test if I didn't think he knew what he needed to know to pass it. I know, I tricked him, and I won't make a habit of that. I just wanted to show him that if he is calmed down, and just answered what he knows, he will do fine. He's beginning to turn a little corner on tests and starting to see them as a challenge and not an obstacle.
So where are we now? Onto the next sections of all of our subjects. We also sent to CA a portfolio of paperwork so his teacher could see his work. She just graded all of those and posted his scores. Here it is:
Language Arts --A+
Science 2--A+
Social Studies 2--A-
Math 2--B
Phys Ed--Satisfactory
I can tell you right now, his math score would not have been that good in a traditional classroom. Simply because he figured out how to skirt out of math in a group setting. This score also includes the score I helped him biff. His first test was in Social Studies, and I did it wrong, and he got a D. Well, despite me, he has an A. Nice huh?
I also showed the hubbie the scores last night and his reaction was "JM has an A+?!" His reaction was of surprise only because of the hard days we have had, it's a wonder any learning was going on at all.
I know some of my other traditional homeschool buddies out there aren't as compelled as I am by scores. I am a newbie at this. I want to see where my kid is, so this latest round of test assures me we're doing this right. It was quite painless too. It wasn't testing that was a test of how well you knew how to take a test, it was a test on what we had been learning. I also presented the test in such a way to test for information and understanding, not which is more right A or C. I am impressed by CA's ingenuity to make testing of subjects that way. I can see that they want the learning and process to happen, not just presenting and regurgitating.
I am liking Connections Academy a lot.
Okay, we just did a huge round of unit testing with JM. After three weeks of learning about plants, geography, math and language arts, we had a little series of tests that we submitted. You remember the fiasco a week or so ago regarding the math test, and how JM melted down because he heard me say the word "test".
Learned my lesson! So, for the science test, I pulled it up on the laptop and casually asked, "Hey, JM, what part of a plant is in the soil?" He answered correctly. "What part of the plant holds up the plant?" And so on. And yes, he scored 100%. A little later, I showed him his score, and of course he was baffled about when he took the test. I explained to him I was giving him the test when I was asking the questions earlier. His eyes bugged. He was so proud of his score, and subsequent scores he got in other topics. I told him, I honestly wouldn't let him take a test if I didn't think he knew what he needed to know to pass it. I know, I tricked him, and I won't make a habit of that. I just wanted to show him that if he is calmed down, and just answered what he knows, he will do fine. He's beginning to turn a little corner on tests and starting to see them as a challenge and not an obstacle.
So where are we now? Onto the next sections of all of our subjects. We also sent to CA a portfolio of paperwork so his teacher could see his work. She just graded all of those and posted his scores. Here it is:
Language Arts --A+
Science 2--A+
Social Studies 2--A-
Math 2--B
Phys Ed--Satisfactory
I can tell you right now, his math score would not have been that good in a traditional classroom. Simply because he figured out how to skirt out of math in a group setting. This score also includes the score I helped him biff. His first test was in Social Studies, and I did it wrong, and he got a D. Well, despite me, he has an A. Nice huh?
I also showed the hubbie the scores last night and his reaction was "JM has an A+?!" His reaction was of surprise only because of the hard days we have had, it's a wonder any learning was going on at all.
I know some of my other traditional homeschool buddies out there aren't as compelled as I am by scores. I am a newbie at this. I want to see where my kid is, so this latest round of test assures me we're doing this right. It was quite painless too. It wasn't testing that was a test of how well you knew how to take a test, it was a test on what we had been learning. I also presented the test in such a way to test for information and understanding, not which is more right A or C. I am impressed by CA's ingenuity to make testing of subjects that way. I can see that they want the learning and process to happen, not just presenting and regurgitating.
I am liking Connections Academy a lot.
Oct 2, 2008
Did You Know?
That your sense of smell brings back memories faster than any of your other senses? I know this because of my job peddling candles.
I experienced it first hand today when using the Tempura paints. Took me right back to kindergarten. We all lined up and buttoned on shirts and painted at our tables using huge sheets of butcher block paper.
Tempura paints. I do love them! They have vibrant color and are so easy to clean up. Learning Palace, where I get them, is near me and will be moving even closer to me by the end of the month. $3.99 for a quart bottle and you too can have flashbacks to kindergarten.
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