Old age....

Picture this...

I drive up to a drive-thru coffee stand. I am in full mom mode. Small child in the back strapped in his car seat. I am in sweats with my hair tied up in a pencil. No makeup to cover up the sleep deprivation shown in the dark skin under my eyes.

Two young bucks, maybe 20 years old at the window. Young Buck #1 right by the window to take my money. Young Buck #2 behind him about five feet operating some machine.

As I pull up the sign in the window says, "Extra stamps on your card if you can answer this question: What make of car was the "General Lee" in the infamous TV show "The Dukes of Hazzard?" By the way, this happened before the movie with Jessica Simpson came out. There hadn't been the revival of this trivia yet. You had to have watched the show twenty years ago to know this.

I hand Young Buck #1 my payment and my stamp card. I squeeze my forehead saying "I know this....I know this....." He is waiting with his stamp to see if I can cough up the answer. The internal Rolodex in my head is in need of coffee at this point, and it is taking it's time to find the answer.

Meanwhile, Young Buck #2 is at his machine saying, "Oh, she doesn't know it. Are you kidding?" Ummmm......he's heckling me. I honestly can't believe that he is doing that, but it has the needed affect. It flipped the internal Rolodex faster.

I perk my head up and I say, "Dodge Charger." No hesitation.

Old age, exhaustion and treachery win again!

I tell Young Buck #1 to hand the stamper to Young Buck #2.

The verdict is in....

You remember my post a few weeks ago (10/1) about my young friend, Keith, killed in a fiery car accident. I mentioned also that Keith had struggled with alcohol and drug addiction for most of his life.

The verdict is in. All the men in the accident had alcohol in their bloodstream. Keith's was over the legal limit and so was Nolan's. It appears Keith was driving. Here is the link for the quick update on that. If you watch this video, Keith is the one with the huge grin and sunglasses. Nolan is the one with the chain link looking necklace.

I also talked to my friend, B, who's husband employed Keith and Nolan. She voiced to me a few weeks ago her concern about where Keith's mother would decide to bury him. I asked about that now that things are settling down. Her words to me were, "It was such a fiery crash, there wasn't much left to bury."

Why do I mention this absolutely sad, tragic, senseless, hopeless thing? Because I think we all need a stark reminder of drinking and driving tragedies.

I was talking with a friend last night who is taking a class on alcoholism, etc. I told her my personal policy is that if I take a drink, I won't drive for four hours after that. Seems harsh? She said her instructor said that is what we should all do because all of us can be impaired by a single drink.

I know, Keith was an addict. Most of us are not in that category. But whether we are binge drinkers like him or an occasional drinker like myself--it's all the same result when we can't maneuver the corner.

Why is Greg Boyd an important person in my life....

You may have noticed I have a link to a rockin' drummer dude under "blogs I read". If you click on that, you will get a huge myspace page all about Greg Boyd and what a cool drummer he is.

How did this homemaking, candle peddling mom get connected with this dude?

Greg and I went to high school together. He was one year ahead of me. So when I came in as a fresh faced sophomore, he seemed so much older to me. Greg was also one of the few African American (AA) at my school. He was so COOL! Not in an AA, false macho, hangin' pants, sort of way. He carried himself like Denzel Washington cool. Confident, going places, has goals and talents.

One talent I got to see first hand--his drumming. We had a rockin' drum line in high school and he was part of it. I was a member of the marching band with Greg and we went around and competed in marching band and drum line competitions. See the movie "Drum Line". It's definitely got the Hollywood spin on it, but that is what it was like.

Greg can drum. Oh my word, he can drum. I have one very clear memory in my head of him just dazzling all of us. One day after band practice, he tipped over the timpany. That is the big copper bottom drum used in orchestras to crescendo a big dramatic scene usually. He is doing Caribbean pan drumming on the bottom of the timpany, and it sounded so cool. Plus, it was so creative what he was doing. He absolutely dazzled the rest of us white bred kids who only read music--we didn't create it. I got a glimpse of his future in that moment.

If you check out his myspace page, you can see he has gone on to huge success in Europe after busting his chops in New Orleans jazz clubs making a name for himself. He also has been an innovator. Creating a new style of jazz plus Caribbean pan drums.

He and I had exchanged emails last year after he did a search for me. Here is a long series of emails he and I had last year. Greg's presence in my life 20+ years ago still has an impact on me today.

October 28, 2006

Greg Boyd!

Hello! This is AM, MC's little sister. Played clarinet in band, I was a sophomore when you were a junior. Is this helping? We just knew each other pretty much through band.

I just got your email from classmates.com. I saw a few months ago you sent me a little thing saying you had visited my profile to say “hi”.

I have wondered whatever happened to you, and when I saw your visit, I googled you, and check you out! You took the drumming thing pretty seriously! It gave me chills to see what you have accomplished. Congratulations to you!

You have no idea…but some pretty big life choices were made in my life in high school because of you, even though I know we barely knew each other. So it is SO cool to hear from you. Please let me know how you are doing, and what in the world is Denmark like!

AM

_________________________________________________________________________________________

Now that is amazing!!! Because, I had no idea who you were at first but now I do. Wow what were some of these life choices I would love to hear. That makes me feel so good that you say that. How is MC!!!

Gregory

P.S. Do you have a picture of that time??

_______________________________________________________________

I knew you would ask me to tell you. It’s a bit of a long story and will seem quite shallow. Just remember, I was a young and unwise teenager. Long story….get ready…..I have thought about this a lot!

You may not remember this….but when I came to WHS as a fresh faced sophomore and started band, MC came around a few times, and you whispered in his ear that you thought I was cute. Well, of course, he told me that. And of course, I was thrilled! Greg Boyd likes me! I remember we flirted a bit through the rest of band that year and the next year, but that is all that happened. Now how that panned out in my family was different.

I was so excited that you thought I was cute, I told my mother. Big mistake. I was just bubbling over about this. She just looked at me with the most serious of faces (I remember this like it was yesterday) “AM, don’t do it.” I said, “What?” She said, “Don’t date him. You have no idea the pain you will cause yourself.” I just looked at her like she grew a tail. I had no idea what she was referring to at first. Then I walked away from that and thought a long time about it. Of course she meant that it was because you are African American, of course she thought I was going to marry you or something. I don’t know but it infuriated me. Lots of other things regarding race have come out since then…..but this was the first glimpse of her racism to me, so it shocked me.

... that day I remember making this huge decision (this seems trivial now but for little white girl who hadn’t been exposed to hardly anyone of color—this was huge for me)—race doesn’t matter at all for anything. And I HOPED you asked me out so I could push that envelope with her. You never did, so we avoided that tornado.

But why is that important for me today? Well, several years back I watched a very very good friend of mine go through a very painful thing. He is biracial and a very put together person, and very musical. You remind me of each other actually. He was dating a white gal, and her family absolutely put the stamp of “no” on them getting married because of his color. My word the man has his life put together—I’d marry him if I weren’t married at the time. He was a great guy, with lots of potential and a future. But he couldn’t change that about himself.

Step forward a few more years. My husband and I find ourselves not able to have kids. Long story short, we start working towards adopting kids. We are asked several times if race is important—and honestly each time, your face pops into my head. No, it’s not at all—because I made that decision long ago, and it’s a done deal. My husband is absolutely on the same page as me. In 2001, we adopted our first son, who is fully African American. And last year, we adopted our second son, who is too. Each time I am asked the rude question “Why did you adopt these kids?” your face comes to mind. When I see my older son who asks me all the time, and did just now while I was typing this, “Can I play my drums, Mom?” Your face comes to mind. If I hadn’t made that stand with my mother, as shallow as it seems now, I may have had to struggle with my decision to have my kids, and I would have missed out on the best kids God had intended for my family. Thank you, Greg Boyd, for thinking I was cute!!

Okay to answer your other questions….oh let's just cut out that long paragraph of me giving Greg an update on my dysfunctional family.....

Anyway, I need some morning coffee and need to get my day off the ground. I work from home, so definitely feel free to email anytime. How is Denmark?? Do you have a family?? Tell me about you!!

AM

____________________________________________________________________________________

Wow all of that is so funny because you are right I did not think of asking you out but I must say I wanted to at the time. In fact I think it is in my diary somewhere that I wanted to. Parents can be funny.. Mine divorced some years back as well. It was not as traumatic as I thought it would end up being in that I was an adult at the time. Now things are different I have a family of my own my wife is Danish and we met while I was living in New Orleans. We just had a son his name is G and my wife's name is Lone. So many things are movin' along over here as well. There is not much time that goes by when I do not think of my life there in Colorado. Are you still living there? I think about it from time to time and remember how it was. I grew so much at the time. To be honest I had such a bad feeling about some the events that happened while in band but stayed wild about my music. So I decided to join the US Navy and try to go into the Navy Band., I succeded and moved to New Orleans eventually and leaving the military I started touring with several bands and really making a name for myself. I am still playing music and doing well here in Europe with it all and I have GOD to thank for that as well. Do know anything about MK?? I wonder what happened to her from time to time. I think she was my nemesis during that time:) Your kids look great!!! I feel so in awe that you are saying all of this because I had no idea that you had felt that way at the time. I was so busy trying to make something of myself that at times there was no time to dig deeper into things. Do you know anyone from that time at all. What kind of work from home do you do?

Gregory Boyd

_______________________________________________________________________________________

Greg and I also email/discuss how he was denied the drum major position to the girl, MK, his junior year because our band teacher was racist. He tells me how he really struggled with being angry. His parents were key figures in helping to deflect that. I took that to heart. One thing this world needs less of, angry AA men. I can't find the email on that, but it was powerful. I am so glad my words were words of encouragement.

I can also say, the best revenge is success. I am completely in awe of him now, what he has done with his music, his success, his family. I wholeheartedly recommend his music. I bought his CD last year and listen to it often at my computer.

God bless you, Greg Boyd!

The second one learns from the first....

I hear it all the time. The second child learns a lot just by watching the first. JM couldn't identify his number and letters until one year of three year old preschool was complete. He is absolutely doing fine in school. He reads well and is on target for a typical six year old.

Then we have BH. He's a rocket scientist!


Sorry. Could get it to flip right in my photo software, but blogger flipped it back. It's not too bad.

Blast from the past

That picture is of JM at one year!

I was cleaning out my Word folder of old documents. I don't throw away much, especially adoption stuff. They become memories and I found a doozy today. I am copy/pasting the letter we sent to friends and family a few months after receiving JM into our family. This seems like a lifetime ago, and it was the spring of 2001.

Enjoy! I sure did rereading it.

Greetings friends! June 2001

We hope that most of you received our adoption announcements that were sent out around the beginning of April. We say “hope” because some things weren’t fully organized and done quickly rather than thoroughly during the last three months. Many of you have asked for the full details of our adoption experience. We have the opportunity to stop and catch our breath and give you the full story, and here it is in a time-line:

Tuesday, March 6^th, 2001—At a hospital somewhere in Houston, a baby boy is born. His birth mother chooses to place him for adoption and relinquishment papers are signed. This baby is then placed in a foster home while a family is found.

Thursday, March 22, 2001—AM is at work. She is having a conversation with a friend/co-worker, Lisa. Lisa, asks the common question “What is going on with adoption?” AM “We are waiting for THE phone call. I can’t wait to be at home. I can’t believe I am so busy. I am looking forward to having a baby so I can relax!” Ha ha ha….The conversation ends. AM heads back to her office. The receptionist flags her down and says that Deborah is on the phone.

Deborah is the director of our adoption agency. She is not our caseworker, so AM assumed it was a paperwork issue—nothing else. Deborah asks “Are you in a private office?” No. “Put me on hold and get to one.” Okay, so AM’s blood pressure begins to rise. Deborah reveals specific information about the baby born on 3/6, and would we be interested? AM says yes. Deborah then puts AM on hold and initiates a three-way call to Texas. While on hold, Lisa passes by. “Pssttt!! Lisa!!” Lisa pops her head in with a quizzical look on her face. “This is THE call!” Lisa has the look on her face like a marble hit her forehead. She tells all the office about this call. The call is completed with Texas and AM has full information regarding the specifics of this little boy. All they need is a “yes” from the us and this baby is ours. Time was crucial—other couples had also been informed about him, so it was a race as to who would say “yes” first.

AM hangs up, and rushes to her office to call ML—who is in class. She hangs up and decides to wait a few minutes before rushing to pull him out of class. When she hangs up, all female co-workers are standing at AM’s desk positively beaming. She blurts out pertinent details and makes it clear, this isn’t a done deal. AM reaches ML, they confer that this is the child. AM calls back Deborah. Deborah calls Houston. Deborah calls AM and greets her with “Hello Mom”. It’s a done deal. AM’s knees literally buckled. They buckled a few more times that day.

Friday, March 23^rd, 2001—An interstate compact is initiated on our behalf so that upon arrival in Texas in a few days, this little boy can cross state lines. We are given the privilege of naming him and JM is the name chosen.

Monday, March 26^th, 2001—AM’s co-workers put on a baby shower, and AM is blessed that she is being showered for an upcoming baby. All the years of trying to have kids, and finally getting to this point was overwhelming.

Wednesday, March 28^th—We attempt to leave home using standby passes. We don’t anticipate that it is spring break for Oregon colleges, and flights are full. We also don’t anticipate that a flight will be canceled due to mechanical difficulties. We are bumped from three flights that day, and return home utterly frustrated. Friends and family expected to get phone calls from us sitting in our hotel room in Texas, not our own living room. We board a flight that night at 11 p.m. and do a red-eye flight to Chicago, then a very early flight to Houston. There was a Starbucks in the lobby of Chicago. Yahoo!

Thursday, March 29^th, 2001—We arrive in Houston, TX at about 10 a.m. after being awake for about 28 hours. We rent a car and drive to the adoption agency. They call the foster home where JM is being cared for. He is on his way. We fill out paperwork and chat. JM is placed in our arms around 11:30 a.m. We simply walk out the door and go to Chili’s for lunch. We are amazed at how simple the whole process took. If you look at your calendar, it was only one week before today when AM received THE call. After lunch, we go to a hotel room and crash, all three of us. When we get our wits about us, we begin to enjoy our son. We are amazed. Very little sleep is had by anyone that night.

Friday, March 30^th, 2001—We realize that flying into Portland, OR will be just as difficult as flying out was. We decide to fly into Seattle, WA and rent a car to drive several hours home. We wake up at the crack of dawn to catch a flight to San Francisco, CA, then onto Seattle, WA. We arrive in Seattle,WA around 1 p.m. and head home. We arrive home around 6 p.m. The pictures that were taken of us that evening definitely show that we had little sleep in the past 72 hours.

Saturday, March 31^st, 2001—ML’s parents and his sister drive from their hometown to meet the new family member. We tumble out of bed and hand JM to them while we put ourselves together. It’s that silly sleeping thing!! All of us thoroughly enjoy a day of just getting to know JM.

April 5^th, 2001—JM has his first doctor’s appointment and he weighs 10 pounds 12 ounces. His doctor falls in love with him and offers to babysit if we need a babysitter. How many of your doctors have volunteered to babysit for you??

The timeline could go on and on. There are all the “firsts”. The first Easter, the first Mother’s Day, the first time eating rice cereal, the first time to the park, the first giggle, etc. We won’t take up two more pages with that list.

We do want to tell you some specific prayer requests as we complete our adoption of baby JM:

Issues regarding JM’s birthfather are not resolved. Please pray that as those issues would be resolved. As we write this, things are looking good.

Please pray for our finances. As much as we have planned and planned for this event. Things are tight.

We are committed to AM being at home with JM. She will work part-time through the summer, then step down from her position—but will return to volunteer status.

Pray that paperwork with this adoption would go through smoothly. We want this adoption to go through by the end of this year, from the standpoint of paperwork.

How do we close such a letter? Not sure. We are truly, truly enjoying our new roles as parents and each smile from JM is a gift from God. Our hope is that as we enjoy our new family member this spring, that God is richly blessing your family.

Lovingly, ML, AM and JM