Shushed by a two year old? Makes for yummy humble pie.
Aug 31, 2007
The Heart of Man
Little background for you. We have new neighbors that moved in last February. We rejoiced when they arrived. The people before them were difficult. And here is how that story goes:
B owned the house, and got to brag that she was only the second owner of a fairly old house. Over the course of the then eight years they were our eighbors, B had several girlfriends come and go. Yes, B is a lesbian and there is quite a gay/lesbian population in the city we live. In the final years B lived in the house, it was her and her girlfriend, T.
Aside here. I am a Christian, but I am not mean. Here is my thoughts on this--Romans 1 is pretty clear. God does not approve of homosexuality at all. What is my role in this? I have lesbians as neighbors. My role is to be an example of Christ. Over the years, we have attempted to be neighborly, with a fairly cool response from them. Over the course of my adulthood, I have several gay/lesbian friends. I just talked to one of them before sitting down to write this. I meet gay/lesbians all the time in my work, and we all get along fine! Why? Because I don't think God has given me the authority to walk up to a complete stranger and start an argument, I am called to be Christlike. I am called to be nice, friendly, loving, etc. It has stretched me, believe me, but it has opened up some amazing conversations that have caused a lot of miracles to come to people, myself included.
Then it came to a peak I think in 2004. It was an election year, and on the ballot in our state was an amendment to keep marriage as man and woman, and not for gay/lesbian couples. Well, as a Christian, I endorse that. Again, not my position to start drawing lines and making enemies, but I/we felt the need to put an election sign on our front lawn. You would have thought we put a swastika. It is an election year, and we have the right as Americans to exercise our right to free speech.
B and her new girlfriend, T, galvanized the neighborhood. Suddenly there are opposing signs all around us. Few words were said--it was all actions, dirty looks, we say 'hi'--they look away. One neighbor suddenly wouldn't let her daughter play with JM. A sign is put up on an abandoned lot opposing our sign. Our sign disappears one day. Good thing we had an extra. Yes, several illegal things happened. All we (my husband and I) could think was, All we did was put up a sign. For a group that claims "tolerance" quite a bit, we certainly were not feeling tolerated. We were amazed. The silence was tense.
Then it got worse. One day, I hired a couple of neighborhood boys to mow our lawn. They had the most rickety lawn mower, with no bag on it but needed one, and were mowing the front lawn. I looked out the door, and one of them was walking up to the porch, looking mortified. He sheepishly asked me for a broom. You see, some of the grass from his bagless mower had blown on B's driveway, and T was spitting mad. She had yelled at them, which frightened this poor boy who is just trying to mow a lawn.
Could you imagine being him? I went out, and she repeated to me, in the same manner, what she had said to him (which is not repeatable). Well, I am bigger than him, and have a more creative vocabulary, and I was sick of this. In one sentence, I shut her down (what I said is repeatable, yet highly creative). The boys were sweet, and swept the grass. I mean really! She is over-the-top mad about grass! I understand if she came out and said, "Hey, can we make sure this gets cleaned up before you go home?? Great! Thanks!" No, she blew her top at boys who were no more than 12, taking her anger for us out on them. How incredibly mean spirited and inappropriate. This was the first words really revealing to us what was under all the tension for quite some time.
I tipped those boys quite a bit. I apologized to them, and I have never seen them again. If your kids came home with a story like this, would you let them mow my lawn again?
Anyway, we knew B had owned the home forever, and really, we thought this is what it would be like for a long time. Suddenly, April of 2006, a "For Sale" sign went up. I have to admit, I was praising God. It didn't sell right away, and the price came down quite a bit. The neighborhood gossip came back to us they were moving because the "neighborhood has become too conservative." The neighbor with the little girl moved as well. Suddenly, the tension is lifting.
Our neighbors, E and M, across the street are the best! They stayed out of the election sign fray. I am talking to E one day while B's house was on the market. I told her some of the things I have shared here. As a non-Christian, she says, "I would think we could all agree to disagree, don't you? I don't like that the neighborhood was turned against you based upon an election topic." I agreed. We have always tried to be neighborly, and understanding that not everyone agrees on everything. I so appreciated her assurance. We are great friends to this day.
Here is the miracle: I have a chat with E today. She ran into B who came by to give an extra key to the new neighbors. Come to find out--B and T have gained custody of a four year old family member because the child's parents are in trouble with the law. It seems that now that B and T have a child of their own to protect and care for, they have now experienced the "mama bear" protectiveness we all have for our kids (and I felt for the two boys that lawn mowing day). I also think a little conservatism comes with parenthood. Suddenly you want wholesomeness, basics, and simplicity for your kids. E tells me this has kicked in for B and T.
Also, these words came out of B's mouth, "We really regret moving away now." It is one thing to think that, but to share it openly with the neighborhood gossip, knowing it would probably come back to us--well that was a peace offering to me. You have to remember, it was 8 years of tension and dirty looks, and in 8 months they have realized that we were not all that bad. In fact, our kids would have probably played well together. God has impressed me with this one.
I am also thankful for my aging process. In my youth, I would not have let a lot of the things go that I did from B and T. I have learned one thing in my old age--time. Time has an amazing healing effect on things. Not always, but in this situation, it's amazing how some passage of time, a few changed circumstances, and suddenly, there is the changing of a person's heart. If my youthful anger had gotten involved in that, this would not have the sweet ending that it does.
God moves in the hearts of man. That is a sheer miracle! I will continue to pray for B and T. I also am thankful that God has placed that child in their care.
B owned the house, and got to brag that she was only the second owner of a fairly old house. Over the course of the then eight years they were our eighbors, B had several girlfriends come and go. Yes, B is a lesbian and there is quite a gay/lesbian population in the city we live. In the final years B lived in the house, it was her and her girlfriend, T.
Aside here. I am a Christian, but I am not mean. Here is my thoughts on this--Romans 1 is pretty clear. God does not approve of homosexuality at all. What is my role in this? I have lesbians as neighbors. My role is to be an example of Christ. Over the years, we have attempted to be neighborly, with a fairly cool response from them. Over the course of my adulthood, I have several gay/lesbian friends. I just talked to one of them before sitting down to write this. I meet gay/lesbians all the time in my work, and we all get along fine! Why? Because I don't think God has given me the authority to walk up to a complete stranger and start an argument, I am called to be Christlike. I am called to be nice, friendly, loving, etc. It has stretched me, believe me, but it has opened up some amazing conversations that have caused a lot of miracles to come to people, myself included.
Then it came to a peak I think in 2004. It was an election year, and on the ballot in our state was an amendment to keep marriage as man and woman, and not for gay/lesbian couples. Well, as a Christian, I endorse that. Again, not my position to start drawing lines and making enemies, but I/we felt the need to put an election sign on our front lawn. You would have thought we put a swastika. It is an election year, and we have the right as Americans to exercise our right to free speech.
B and her new girlfriend, T, galvanized the neighborhood. Suddenly there are opposing signs all around us. Few words were said--it was all actions, dirty looks, we say 'hi'--they look away. One neighbor suddenly wouldn't let her daughter play with JM. A sign is put up on an abandoned lot opposing our sign. Our sign disappears one day. Good thing we had an extra. Yes, several illegal things happened. All we (my husband and I) could think was, All we did was put up a sign. For a group that claims "tolerance" quite a bit, we certainly were not feeling tolerated. We were amazed. The silence was tense.
Then it got worse. One day, I hired a couple of neighborhood boys to mow our lawn. They had the most rickety lawn mower, with no bag on it but needed one, and were mowing the front lawn. I looked out the door, and one of them was walking up to the porch, looking mortified. He sheepishly asked me for a broom. You see, some of the grass from his bagless mower had blown on B's driveway, and T was spitting mad. She had yelled at them, which frightened this poor boy who is just trying to mow a lawn.
Could you imagine being him? I went out, and she repeated to me, in the same manner, what she had said to him (which is not repeatable). Well, I am bigger than him, and have a more creative vocabulary, and I was sick of this. In one sentence, I shut her down (what I said is repeatable, yet highly creative). The boys were sweet, and swept the grass. I mean really! She is over-the-top mad about grass! I understand if she came out and said, "Hey, can we make sure this gets cleaned up before you go home?? Great! Thanks!" No, she blew her top at boys who were no more than 12, taking her anger for us out on them. How incredibly mean spirited and inappropriate. This was the first words really revealing to us what was under all the tension for quite some time.
I tipped those boys quite a bit. I apologized to them, and I have never seen them again. If your kids came home with a story like this, would you let them mow my lawn again?
Anyway, we knew B had owned the home forever, and really, we thought this is what it would be like for a long time. Suddenly, April of 2006, a "For Sale" sign went up. I have to admit, I was praising God. It didn't sell right away, and the price came down quite a bit. The neighborhood gossip came back to us they were moving because the "neighborhood has become too conservative." The neighbor with the little girl moved as well. Suddenly, the tension is lifting.
Our neighbors, E and M, across the street are the best! They stayed out of the election sign fray. I am talking to E one day while B's house was on the market. I told her some of the things I have shared here. As a non-Christian, she says, "I would think we could all agree to disagree, don't you? I don't like that the neighborhood was turned against you based upon an election topic." I agreed. We have always tried to be neighborly, and understanding that not everyone agrees on everything. I so appreciated her assurance. We are great friends to this day.
Here is the miracle: I have a chat with E today. She ran into B who came by to give an extra key to the new neighbors. Come to find out--B and T have gained custody of a four year old family member because the child's parents are in trouble with the law. It seems that now that B and T have a child of their own to protect and care for, they have now experienced the "mama bear" protectiveness we all have for our kids (and I felt for the two boys that lawn mowing day). I also think a little conservatism comes with parenthood. Suddenly you want wholesomeness, basics, and simplicity for your kids. E tells me this has kicked in for B and T.
Also, these words came out of B's mouth, "We really regret moving away now." It is one thing to think that, but to share it openly with the neighborhood gossip, knowing it would probably come back to us--well that was a peace offering to me. You have to remember, it was 8 years of tension and dirty looks, and in 8 months they have realized that we were not all that bad. In fact, our kids would have probably played well together. God has impressed me with this one.
I am also thankful for my aging process. In my youth, I would not have let a lot of the things go that I did from B and T. I have learned one thing in my old age--time. Time has an amazing healing effect on things. Not always, but in this situation, it's amazing how some passage of time, a few changed circumstances, and suddenly, there is the changing of a person's heart. If my youthful anger had gotten involved in that, this would not have the sweet ending that it does.
God moves in the hearts of man. That is a sheer miracle! I will continue to pray for B and T. I also am thankful that God has placed that child in their care.
Aug 29, 2007
Two year olds Part III
The rule at our house, if you are riding on anything with wheels, you must wear a helmet. Nevermind that I had never worn a helmet until I had kids....but that's another story. We played outside today, and of course, needed to put on helmets. BH is so cute with a helmet on because his head is so small, and he has to practically look at the sky to see below the rim. Here is how that exchange went:
"BH, you are so cute! Let me put your helmet on." (He lifts his chin high so I can click the chin strap without pinching him.)
When I am done, he replies "I already coot!"
Aug 28, 2007
Attachment, Bonding and Adoption
If you look at my post from a couple of days ago "Bullets on Adoption" you will see a friend's comments about Reactive Attachment Disorder. I gave a pretty winded response, and yet feel the need to add more--so let's just start a whole new post on the issue. But I do encourage you to go and check out her concern, and she has a very valid one.
Reactive Attachment Disorder is a disorder that happens when young children have not bonded with people. Simply put. I have tried to come up with a clinical list of what it looks like. It's slippery, yet it's not. Here, read this gal's experience by clicking here. Now, have I frightened you? Just like what she writes in her letter, please don't let it frighten you. She indicates that she hesitates to write that because she so strongly believes in adoption, yet wants people to know, don't go into adopting kids with your eyes closed.
Information is power. I have a few books on attachment in my arsenal, but they are a bit dated. I did a bunch of searching, especially for one particular author who is the pioneer in this field. I came up with the list of books I have added to the blog. One of them "The Unlit Path" is the book Bella is referring to in the above link.
From my knowledge and limited training, this is what I know. Kids need to be bonded with, no matter the age, with people and it's easier to do when they are babies. When they are older, parents need to make it number one priority. Is it a guarantee that all kids coming out of Russia, India and the American foster system have RAD? No, in fact many of them do just fine. Do you have to be from such an extreme state to have RAD? No. Kids who come from divorced homes and get bounced around the family a lot can have RAD. Kids who have spent too much time in child care can have it. Children who have really absent parents (ie high on drugs constantly, away with boyfriends and girlfriends, etc) can have RAD.
Sounds hopeless huh? Well, it's not. Here are some other tidbits I have picked up along the way, and I can't remember the resources, but think they are worth noting:
1) Kids with RAD do really well in home school environments. Most of my friends are home school moms, I am the minority! Why do they do well? Because the long term, daily interaction, is bonding. Older kids don't bond by being snuggled and hugged like babies do--it is done relationally and homeschooling is great for that. Many kids with RAD do not do well in mainstream schools because they can't sit still, can't focus, and rebel a bit. Well, homeschooling takes care of a lot of that. It also offers a lot of flexibility to the student who can be creative in his/her learning that just isn't possible in a structured classroom.
2) Kids with RAD do not want to have RAD, and they don't get why they feel so broken and weird. They are not evil, they are kids. Although, read the link above, you may sometimes believe they are evil. They are not, they are reacting to the yucky set of cards life dealt them.
3) How to gauge if a kid has RAD? Now that we have a little discussion on this, go click on the link for Northwest Adoption Exchange, and look at the kid's profiles. You will see caseworker's say things like "John Doe does really well in a structured environment that has quick consequences for actions" or "John Doe has been in two foster homes but still bonds with significant adults" or "Jane Doe has a bond with her current foster parent. Staying in contact with this foster parent is key to her transition to her forever home."
Those words are the caseworkers appropriate notes to a prospective parent what they can expect bonding wise.
Also--kids with severe RAD are not placed for adoption. At least in the state I live, kids with extreme RAD are placed in intense therapeutic group homes with the hope of getting them to a point that they can be in a permanent home. Those kids have this kind of description "Jane Doe is currently in a therapy group home and making great strides. She has indicated she wants a forever home and is willing to work to make that happen." That is a kid who has hope.
4) Kids coming from foster care are not just plopped on your porch while the caseworker peels his/her tires away from your home thinking "One more kid's file off my desk. Woo HOO!" No. If you adopt from a state agency, you will have a gaggle of resources: counseling, library, support groups, etc. Adoptive parents need to ask for those resources vehemently. At least in my state, we are required to take a very intensive 12 week course before even being approved to adopt. We took that several years ago, and it was empowering. It was also conducted by a narcissistic weirdo, and I would love to take it again from someone other than him.
Foster kids also go through a huge transition into their new home. Weekends with you for like a year! Then two weeks with you, then two weeks at their foster home, and so on. Why? To build bonds. You want to get to the point where the kid finally says to you, "When can we stop all this visiting and I get to live with you?" That is a kid who has bonded with you. Harder to do when it's a cross country adoption, but still possible.
And, you know what? This may all be for nothing! A child from these hard beginnings may come into your home and have that natural resilience which gives them the ability to say "that was before, this is now, I am thankful, and I love my new parents."
I want to give you hope. When you read this, you might be thinking....so much work! I can't do all that! Well, if I found out that my biological kid, hypothetically of course, had RAD, I would jump through a thousand hoops to get him/her the help and resources they needed. If I found out my bio kid was stealing at school and getting into trouble, you bet I would intervene and get help. You would do the work if it were your bio kid.
Shouldn't it be that way for our adopted kids? After all, they are our kids. Biology doesn't guarantee a thing.
Reactive Attachment Disorder is a disorder that happens when young children have not bonded with people. Simply put. I have tried to come up with a clinical list of what it looks like. It's slippery, yet it's not. Here, read this gal's experience by clicking here. Now, have I frightened you? Just like what she writes in her letter, please don't let it frighten you. She indicates that she hesitates to write that because she so strongly believes in adoption, yet wants people to know, don't go into adopting kids with your eyes closed.
Information is power. I have a few books on attachment in my arsenal, but they are a bit dated. I did a bunch of searching, especially for one particular author who is the pioneer in this field. I came up with the list of books I have added to the blog. One of them "The Unlit Path" is the book Bella is referring to in the above link.
From my knowledge and limited training, this is what I know. Kids need to be bonded with, no matter the age, with people and it's easier to do when they are babies. When they are older, parents need to make it number one priority. Is it a guarantee that all kids coming out of Russia, India and the American foster system have RAD? No, in fact many of them do just fine. Do you have to be from such an extreme state to have RAD? No. Kids who come from divorced homes and get bounced around the family a lot can have RAD. Kids who have spent too much time in child care can have it. Children who have really absent parents (ie high on drugs constantly, away with boyfriends and girlfriends, etc) can have RAD.
Sounds hopeless huh? Well, it's not. Here are some other tidbits I have picked up along the way, and I can't remember the resources, but think they are worth noting:
1) Kids with RAD do really well in home school environments. Most of my friends are home school moms, I am the minority! Why do they do well? Because the long term, daily interaction, is bonding. Older kids don't bond by being snuggled and hugged like babies do--it is done relationally and homeschooling is great for that. Many kids with RAD do not do well in mainstream schools because they can't sit still, can't focus, and rebel a bit. Well, homeschooling takes care of a lot of that. It also offers a lot of flexibility to the student who can be creative in his/her learning that just isn't possible in a structured classroom.
2) Kids with RAD do not want to have RAD, and they don't get why they feel so broken and weird. They are not evil, they are kids. Although, read the link above, you may sometimes believe they are evil. They are not, they are reacting to the yucky set of cards life dealt them.
3) How to gauge if a kid has RAD? Now that we have a little discussion on this, go click on the link for Northwest Adoption Exchange, and look at the kid's profiles. You will see caseworker's say things like "John Doe does really well in a structured environment that has quick consequences for actions" or "John Doe has been in two foster homes but still bonds with significant adults" or "Jane Doe has a bond with her current foster parent. Staying in contact with this foster parent is key to her transition to her forever home."
Those words are the caseworkers appropriate notes to a prospective parent what they can expect bonding wise.
Also--kids with severe RAD are not placed for adoption. At least in the state I live, kids with extreme RAD are placed in intense therapeutic group homes with the hope of getting them to a point that they can be in a permanent home. Those kids have this kind of description "Jane Doe is currently in a therapy group home and making great strides. She has indicated she wants a forever home and is willing to work to make that happen." That is a kid who has hope.
4) Kids coming from foster care are not just plopped on your porch while the caseworker peels his/her tires away from your home thinking "One more kid's file off my desk. Woo HOO!" No. If you adopt from a state agency, you will have a gaggle of resources: counseling, library, support groups, etc. Adoptive parents need to ask for those resources vehemently. At least in my state, we are required to take a very intensive 12 week course before even being approved to adopt. We took that several years ago, and it was empowering. It was also conducted by a narcissistic weirdo, and I would love to take it again from someone other than him.
Foster kids also go through a huge transition into their new home. Weekends with you for like a year! Then two weeks with you, then two weeks at their foster home, and so on. Why? To build bonds. You want to get to the point where the kid finally says to you, "When can we stop all this visiting and I get to live with you?" That is a kid who has bonded with you. Harder to do when it's a cross country adoption, but still possible.
And, you know what? This may all be for nothing! A child from these hard beginnings may come into your home and have that natural resilience which gives them the ability to say "that was before, this is now, I am thankful, and I love my new parents."
I want to give you hope. When you read this, you might be thinking....so much work! I can't do all that! Well, if I found out that my biological kid, hypothetically of course, had RAD, I would jump through a thousand hoops to get him/her the help and resources they needed. If I found out my bio kid was stealing at school and getting into trouble, you bet I would intervene and get help. You would do the work if it were your bio kid.
Shouldn't it be that way for our adopted kids? After all, they are our kids. Biology doesn't guarantee a thing.
Aug 27, 2007
Bullets on Adoption
Every time I get my latest copy of "Adoptive Families Magazine", I drink it up like water. The resources, suggestions, helpful hints, and sweet stories just fill my day with adoption thoughts and goals. If you are an adoptive parent, in process of adopting, or somehow connected to adoption, I cannot stress enough how much I love this magazine. It covers all kinds of adoption (international, domestic, step parent adoption, older child adoption, adoption within families, etc). You cannot go wrong with the amazing amount of resources, ideas, and help it has.
Here is what I will share with you, that I have found out lately, and from my latest read:
1) Guatemala is the number two most popular country for Americans to adopt from next to China. They are having problems. Click here for an article I found a few days ago hinting to the problems. According to my magazine, there will now be more requirements for adoption workers to perform more DNA tests on Guatemalan birthparents to prove parenthood. It is sad. But as an adoptive parent, I want to make sure my child's birthparents are consenting and that I am not unknowingly participating in baby brokering!
2) Keep your eyes out on your local PBS stations. "Arthur's" friend, Binky, is about to have a new baby sister adopted from China. The writers of the program spent two years researching and developing this story line. There is a huge write up in Adoptive Families Magazine. The writers truly wanted to make sure adoption was presented accurately, without myths, and well done for kids. I am looking forward to it! According to my local station, it seems September 7th is the magical day it will air, but please double check that.
3) Adoptions from the Ukraine are delayed as well. Families can expect to wait three weeks before receiving a visa for their child to leave the country.
4) Great articles and discussion about international vs domestic adoptions. Many people want international adoptions to avoid contact with birthfamilies, but suddenly find one of two things happening. a) They do indeed want to meet the family if only for a photo and a heartfelt hug and thank you. b) Also, they are finding that international agencies will contact them saying "the birth family has asked for a letter and a picture".
Please see my blog post dated 7/22/2007 called "Bad Day for Adoption". I think domestic adoption rocks, even though it seems to get as much bad press as international adoption. I still think it's one of the quickest, lowest risk, and cheapest adoptions around. I do have my opinion that I fully realize not everyone holds to--we need to take care of our own kids in need before looking beyond our borders. That is my opinion, and it may not be yours.
5) Great books! I posted a new one on my list of books. There are dozens more in the magazine.
6) Please keep checking the link I posted for National Adoption Day. It is always the Saturday before Thanksgiving, with a focus on placing children in foster care in permanent and loving homes. Since it's a little ways off, the link is kind of stale for much right now, but keep checking it. If you want to see what some of those great foster kids are like, check out my link for Northwest Adoption Exchange. A great site updated weekly with kids just needing a family.
7) As school starts, and the older our kids get, adoption does become a school/playground topic. I have volunteered at JM's school to lead a discussion for the kids about adoption. I will fully pull my resources from all the articles that Adoptive Families Magazine avails to it's readers this time of year. Great words to say, great children's books, great stories that are geared for children's understanding.
8) Would it be helpful if I placed a list of adoption books for kids on my blog? I have a bunch that I recommend. There are tons of them. Please also check the link I have for "Another adoptive family-resources galore!" She has a huge list of children's books as well.
One rule we have for our family--adoption is an open topic. It is talked about, embraced, celebrated and part of our daily life. It is not a secret, shushed, or brushed aside. We want that complete openness now for when our children get older and really start having the tough questions. There is no wrong question or any off limits. That kind of candid talk also innoculates our kids so when they go out in the world and another kid says, "She's not your real mom" our kids know how to handle that. It's always talked about.
Here is what I will share with you, that I have found out lately, and from my latest read:
1) Guatemala is the number two most popular country for Americans to adopt from next to China. They are having problems. Click here for an article I found a few days ago hinting to the problems. According to my magazine, there will now be more requirements for adoption workers to perform more DNA tests on Guatemalan birthparents to prove parenthood. It is sad. But as an adoptive parent, I want to make sure my child's birthparents are consenting and that I am not unknowingly participating in baby brokering!
2) Keep your eyes out on your local PBS stations. "Arthur's" friend, Binky, is about to have a new baby sister adopted from China. The writers of the program spent two years researching and developing this story line. There is a huge write up in Adoptive Families Magazine. The writers truly wanted to make sure adoption was presented accurately, without myths, and well done for kids. I am looking forward to it! According to my local station, it seems September 7th is the magical day it will air, but please double check that.
3) Adoptions from the Ukraine are delayed as well. Families can expect to wait three weeks before receiving a visa for their child to leave the country.
4) Great articles and discussion about international vs domestic adoptions. Many people want international adoptions to avoid contact with birthfamilies, but suddenly find one of two things happening. a) They do indeed want to meet the family if only for a photo and a heartfelt hug and thank you. b) Also, they are finding that international agencies will contact them saying "the birth family has asked for a letter and a picture".
Please see my blog post dated 7/22/2007 called "Bad Day for Adoption". I think domestic adoption rocks, even though it seems to get as much bad press as international adoption. I still think it's one of the quickest, lowest risk, and cheapest adoptions around. I do have my opinion that I fully realize not everyone holds to--we need to take care of our own kids in need before looking beyond our borders. That is my opinion, and it may not be yours.
5) Great books! I posted a new one on my list of books. There are dozens more in the magazine.
6) Please keep checking the link I posted for National Adoption Day. It is always the Saturday before Thanksgiving, with a focus on placing children in foster care in permanent and loving homes. Since it's a little ways off, the link is kind of stale for much right now, but keep checking it. If you want to see what some of those great foster kids are like, check out my link for Northwest Adoption Exchange. A great site updated weekly with kids just needing a family.
7) As school starts, and the older our kids get, adoption does become a school/playground topic. I have volunteered at JM's school to lead a discussion for the kids about adoption. I will fully pull my resources from all the articles that Adoptive Families Magazine avails to it's readers this time of year. Great words to say, great children's books, great stories that are geared for children's understanding.
8) Would it be helpful if I placed a list of adoption books for kids on my blog? I have a bunch that I recommend. There are tons of them. Please also check the link I have for "Another adoptive family-resources galore!" She has a huge list of children's books as well.
One rule we have for our family--adoption is an open topic. It is talked about, embraced, celebrated and part of our daily life. It is not a secret, shushed, or brushed aside. We want that complete openness now for when our children get older and really start having the tough questions. There is no wrong question or any off limits. That kind of candid talk also innoculates our kids so when they go out in the world and another kid says, "She's not your real mom" our kids know how to handle that. It's always talked about.
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